When to talk to the teacher first and when to go to the principal?

[Moshe Green]

Your child comes home from school and tells you something his/her teacher either said or did or what another child in the class said or did that is totally unacceptable. It needs to be dealt with and/or never repeated. What do you do? First talk to the Rebbe/teacher about it or go straight to the principal?

Again, we aren't talking about a slip of the tongue mistake, a bad mood, or a small mess-up. We are talking about a big issue that must be dealt in a big way. Example. Not that a child insulted another child but used extremely foul language. Or not that the teacher yelled in anger at one of the kids but lets say called a child a good-for-nothing.

[yelped]

Two separate issues that you grouped together.

[Moshe Green]

Two separate issues that you grouped together.

Which 2 issues? Teacher and other student?

[liosac]

Your child comes home from school and tells you something his/her teacher either said or did or what another child in the class said or did that is totally unacceptable. It needs to be dealt with and/or never repeated. What do you do? First talk to the Rebbe/teacher about it or go straight to the principal?

Again, we aren't talking about a slip of the tongue mistake, a bad mood, or a small mess-up. We are talking about a big issue that must be dealt in a big way. Example. Not that a child insulted another child but used extremely foul language. Or not that the teacher yelled in anger at one of the kids but lets say called a child a good-for-nothing.

Having a relationship with the right Rov or morah derech is infinitely more valuable than DDF. That being said, if you don’t have the above find an experienced outside mechaneich to date scuds and get an outside perspective.

[JMHO]

First come to DDF, obviously.

[Lurker]

date scuds

Is this how they're saying "take one for the team" in Israel now?

[joe1234]

speak to the rebbe first once or twice and only then to the principal, otherwise you risk your sons relationship with the rebbe for the year.

[avromie7]

speak to the rebbe first once or twice and only then to the principal, otherwise you risk your sons relationship with the rebbe for the year.

Alternatively, ask the principal for advice. You can make it clear that you're not necessarily asking for him to get involved.

[Moshe Green]

speak to the rebbe first once or twice and only then to the principal, otherwise you risk your sons relationship with the rebbe for the year.

Even for such a thing as the Rebbe embarressing the kid?
A day or two ago we had someone who complained that his kid's Rebbe said that Yisro was Megayer and broke his smartphone. Even in such a case, where the Rebbe is perhaps saying (at least this is what the kid hears) that only Goyim have smartphones, you would say speak to the Rebbe first?

[JMHO]

Even for such a thing as the Rebbe embarressing the kid?
A day or two ago we had someone who complained that his kid's Rebbe said that Yisro was Megayer and broke his smartphone. Even in such a case, where the Rebbe is perhaps saying (at least this is what the kid hears) that only Goyim have smartphones, you would say speak to the Rebbe first?

Why the need for a new thread if this was your agenda?

[joe1234]

Even for such a thing as the Rebbe embarressing the kid?
A day or two ago we had someone who complained that his kid's Rebbe said that Yisro was Megayer and broke his smartphone. Even in such a case, where the Rebbe is perhaps saying (at least this is what the kid hears) that only Goyim have smartphones, you would say speak to the Rebbe first?

I don't understand the benefit of rushing to the principal, he's not running away... you're not trying to get even with the rebbe, you're trying to help the situation. By circumventing the rebbe you may may be getting yourself into a messy situation for the year...

[m65]

his kid's Rebbe said that Yisro was Megayer and broke his smartphone.

never happened
if he wouldve had a smartphone, he wouldve never been megayer
besides for that there is no way moshe rabeinu wouldve become an eidim by someone with a smartphone

[joe1234]

never happened
if he wouldve had a smartphone, he wouldve never been megayer
besides for that there is no way moshe rabeinu wouldve become an eidim by someone with a smartphone

I think it actually makes sense, because smartphones those days were more like flip phones....

[jfish227]

never happened
if he wouldve had a smartphone, he wouldve never been megayer
besides for that there is no way moshe rabeinu wouldve become an eidim by someone with a smartphone

you are setting up a joke about breaking tablets. (I would never say it though because it would be inappropriate)

[Moshe Green]

never happened
if he wouldve had a smartphone, he wouldve never been megayer
besides for that there is no way moshe rabeinu wouldve become an eidim by someone with a smartphone

I heard a similar one.
Nowadays no one would choose to be Mechutanim with Avraham Aveinu because we was a Ger, or Yitzchak becasue his kid went off the derech.

[Moshe Green]

I don't understand the benefit of rushing to the principal, he's not running away... you're not trying to get even with the rebbe, you're trying to help the situation. By circumventing the rebbe you may may be getting yourself into a messy situation for the year...

I hear you. But if the Rebbeim, or at least this Rebbe, speaks like this there's a good chance that its:
a) school policy to talk like this (or at least they are ok with it) or
b) the Rebbe (really believes this and) talks like this when its against school policy

Either way, there's not really such a reason to go to the Rebbe first.
What about what Avromie7 wrote, "Alternatively, ask the principal for advice. You can make it clear that you're not necessarily asking for him to get involved."?

[username]

Veteran 1st grade teacher at beginning of the year PTA:

Please don't believe everything your child tells you about me, and I wont believe everything your child tells me about you.


First thing is to confirm with the teacher if what the child is relating is accurate.