Author Topic: Interesting Articles...  (Read 959436 times)

Offline stooges44

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9900 on: March 18, 2019, 02:51:11 PM »
Email from myzmanim.com:



I’m only 15 years old and we’ve never met—but I know you.

How? Because I run for you.

In fact, on a typical day I run about 780,000 times.

If you’re thinking “this is just weird; I dunno WHAT the guy is talking about,” I get it.

But hear me out, cause I’m one of the gang. (The tzitzis-wearing, siddur-toting kind.)

The name’s Algie. (Full name is Yossele Algorithm Shoinkufitzky, but only my great-uncle calls me that.)

I’m the formula that powers MyZmanim.

Some people think I’m nerdy, because I’m not just a math lover—I’m actually MADE of numbers.

But that doesn’t faze me, because I help you—and all of Klal Yisrael—with some REALLY important things. Like davening, Shabbos, and taharas hamishpacha.

And I’m a hard worker too: I spend most of my day juggling latitudes + longitudes.

Shabbos, Yom Tov & Candle lighting
Fast days & Sefirah
Shacharis, Mincha & Maariv
EVERY single day. In EVERY single time zone.

Seriously, does a poor algorithm EVER get a break? 😫

Kvetching aside, I LOVE what I do.

I can process as many as 5,184,448 locations across the world. And every time I do, somewhere, a Yid is able serve his Creator.

It took a REALLY long time (like 3 years) to build me, because a gajillion factors are involved—even barometric pressure. And when I was finally ready, they schlepped me around to many prominent talmidei chachamim to make sure I was (super) good.

Now here’s the thing, <name>.

I am the star of this show, and I can keep working for you, DAY IN, DAY OUT, because that’s what algorithms are SUPPOSED to do.

But I’ve got a host of supporting actors—the technical people + things who sustain this operation—and they’re not as self-sufficient.

The server I call “home” ➤ he’s the top-quality kind, because we need someone RELIABLE
The engineers who keep me cutting-edge ➤ they tweak me and help me learn new tricks
The testers who keep me clean ➤ they lose sleep at night finding—and zapping—the bugs that wanna mess me up
The support reps who help people understand me ➤ they answer our 400+ weekly emails, clearly and patiently.
Without money, these guys CANNOT DO THEIR JOBS.

And then how will we get you the zmanim you need?

(Especially when you insist on flying to Israel through Iceland. I mean, seriously!)

So in light of our hard work, <name>, can you help a tireless algorithm and his dedicated team—and make sure we have the cash we need to keep helping YOU?

MyZmanim exists thanks to users like you.

Please make your donation so we can continue benefiting you through our email alerts, and other FREE zmanim services.

<name>, we’re thrilled you enjoy MyZmanim.

Now, please show your appreciation and give back.
With much love,
Your hardworking + loyal friend,
Yossele Algorithm Shoinkufitzky

2019 version:

It’s me, Shekiah.

Y’know, your pal who’s been around since the 6 days of creation. (Day #4, if you must know.)

And I want to set the record straight: I. AM. NOT. THE. BAD. GUY.

Cause no matter what I do, you people PANIC when I come:

The birds are chirping.
The sun is shining through the trees.
The Jews are scrambling around like Wall Street floor brokers, jumping in and out of showers and stuffing hair irons into drawers and setting the Shabbos clock that you-should-have-set-Thursday-night.
Do you have something against me?

See, in Jewish novels, no one ever rides off into the sunset. Instead, Husband sees me coming and says “Honey, I gotta go to Mincha.”

It’s like I’m some kind of villain in your books.

The only thing that keeps me going (despite millennia of abuse) are my loyal fans — the folks at MyZmanim.

These guys like me so much they…

insist on knowing exactly when I’m sneakin’ around the bend.
follow me wherever I am, anywhere the world. 🌎
That makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside (approximately 15,000,000 °C, if you must know).

And that’s even gooder news for you!

Cuz when they keep tabs on me (and dozens of my timely colleagues like Nightfall and Mi’sheyakir) YOU can observe mitzvos in their proper time.

See, MyZmanim exists for only two reasons:

To boost my self-esteem.
To help you keep really important mitzvos like tefillah, Shabbos and taharas hamishpacha.
You’ve known MyZmanim for over 10 years—and you know you can count on them—always.

Can they count on you to help them keep going?

MyZmanim exists thanks to users like you.

Please make your donation so MyZmanim can continue benefiting you and all of Klal Yisrael.
Whatever you give will be deeply appreciated.

If you appreciate MyZmanim,  please donate now.

Here’s to a flaming-sky, orange-streaked, mutually respectful relationship moving forward, one sha’ah zmanis at a time.

Your elusive friend,

Shekiah 💖
« Last Edit: March 18, 2019, 02:58:34 PM by stooges44 »
If it's not free shipping it's not worth it.

Offline Yehudaa

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9901 on: March 18, 2019, 03:10:16 PM »
2019 version:

It’s me, Shekiah.

Y’know, your pal who’s been around since the 6 days of creation. (Day #4, if you must know.)

And I want to set the record straight: I. AM. NOT. THE. BAD. GUY.

Cause no matter what I do, you people PANIC when I come:

The birds are chirping.
The sun is shining through the trees.
The Jews are scrambling around like Wall Street floor brokers, jumping in and out of showers and stuffing hair irons into drawers and setting the Shabbos clock that you-should-have-set-Thursday-night.
Do you have something against me?

See, in Jewish novels, no one ever rides off into the sunset. Instead, Husband sees me coming and says “Honey, I gotta go to Mincha.”

It’s like I’m some kind of villain in your books.

The only thing that keeps me going (despite millennia of abuse) are my loyal fans — the folks at MyZmanim.

These guys like me so much they…

insist on knowing exactly when I’m sneakin’ around the bend.
follow me wherever I am, anywhere the world.
That makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside (approximately 15,000,000 °C, if you must know).

And that’s even gooder news for you!

Cuz when they keep tabs on me (and dozens of my timely colleagues like Nightfall and Mi’sheyakir) YOU can observe mitzvos in their proper time.

See, MyZmanim exists for only two reasons:

To boost my self-esteem.
To help you keep really important mitzvos like tefillah, Shabbos and taharas hamishpacha.
You’ve known MyZmanim for over 10 years—and you know you can count on them—always.

Can they count on you to help them keep going?

MyZmanim exists thanks to users like you.

Please make your donation so MyZmanim can continue benefiting you and all of Klal Yisrael.
Whatever you give will be deeply appreciated.

If you appreciate MyZmanim,  please donate now.

Here’s to a flaming-sky, orange-streaked, mutually respectful relationship moving forward, one sha’ah zmanis at a time.

Your elusive friend,

Shekiah
Ha, I just posted it here before I saw your post.

Offline cmey

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9902 on: March 19, 2019, 03:59:41 AM »

Offline 12HRS

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9903 on: March 20, 2019, 05:37:07 AM »
https://www.ny1.com/nyc/staten-island/news/2019/03/18/nypd-won-t-respond-to-minor-accidents-on-staten-island

Gonna see a lot of contested liability claims going forward.

I never understood the need for having to wait for cops for a simple accident.

Offline jes

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9904 on: March 20, 2019, 09:44:24 AM »
I never understood the need for having to wait for cops for a simple accident.
And to block the road for your convenience...

Offline sky121

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"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline hvaces42

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Fair warning - Any PMs sent in response to forum posts are fair game for ridicule in public.

Offline Yehuda57

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Quote from: ExGingi
[Stating things eloquently] seems to be Yehuda57's job around here :)

Offline Dan

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Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline TimT

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9909 on: March 23, 2019, 09:38:39 PM »
“As far as what would motivate them to offer 7k, I suggest a YOUTUBE search for "David Dao United Airlines"
Lol

Offline mmgfarb

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"JS [is] a fetid cesspool of unvarnished linguistic manure, with lots of useless drivel and post-padding." -Moishebatchy

Offline ludmila

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9911 on: March 24, 2019, 12:08:00 AM »
Crazy that nobody took $5k
+1 I never saw or heard of this high of an offer.
I was the Best,still the Best, and will always be the Best.
Pele Good,Maradona Better, George Best.

Offline Dan

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9912 on: March 24, 2019, 12:21:36 AM »
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline mmgfarb

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9913 on: March 24, 2019, 12:51:54 AM »
Insane.
I would have taken that in two seconds, I don't understand how someone would be willing to take $7k but not $5k
"JS [is] a fetid cesspool of unvarnished linguistic manure, with lots of useless drivel and post-padding." -Moishebatchy

Offline Boruch999

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Re: Interesting Articles...
« Reply #9914 on: March 24, 2019, 03:56:09 AM »
I would have taken that in two seconds, I don't understand how someone would be willing to take $7k but not $5k

They were probably discussing the logistics of splitting up and would have taken 5 if they hadn't gone up to 7.