I may get flak for this, but I believe the kollel lifestyle is to blame. I am a fan of men learning in kollel after marriage, however I do think it had unintended consequences.
1. Yeshiva Elitist society: This created the whole 'top boy' mindset. Boys are being trained to state they will learn 'forever' even though they know it's not a likely outcome. Boys who don't say this are automatically put in a different tier.
2. Consequently this puts pressure on boys to marry rich. Their own rebbeim are encouraging this and parents are being forced to fork over tens of thousands of dollars to support their married children. Girls who have no money and are not able to support get left in the dust
3. Boys are groomed with an ego and to believe that they are entitled and deserving of the 'best'. They want the prettiest, skinniest, richest, best girl. They get piles of resumes and sift through them. Anyone who does not stand out in any way gets discarded.
4. As girls get older they get more accomplished, worldly, sophisticated etc. Boys do not, especially if they stay in Yeshiva. This creates an imbalance.
--There are a decent proportion of girls who date more often than the average boy, (the wealthy, yichusdicke, and outstandingly attractive ones). It's the ones that are "measured as" average or below-average on one of many measures that count in the shidduch market, who suffer from few dates.
--There is a misperception that because boys have a pile of resume they are always in the middle of something (e.g. meet 20 girls per year). That's not the norm. They are drowning in information and meet maybe 5-10 girls per year, until they find the right one. Girls who go out with 5 boys a year, don't feel busy, as they have 2 months (on average) of silence between getting a 'yes' from a boy.
--The ease of making "shidduch suggestions" means boys have dozens of resumes (and they mistakenly assume all those girls would be interested in dating them). This makes the boys feel very confident (perhaps overconfident). It also creates confusion, complicates and slows decision making, and leads to comparisons that result in less frequent dating (If I already chose to go out with 'A' over 'B', that mentally puts 'B' in the bedieved/settling category, in which case, let me wait for the next wave of resumes to come in, rather than try meeting 'B').
I think shadchanim sending suggestions to both sides concurrently might help reduce the sense of an imbalance, albeit with other potential consequences.
I think more detailed profiles on shidduch resumes would help accelerate the screening process, leading to faster decision making, and more couples meeting.
