Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis

[jye]

Where is that noted above?

I have it from a reliable source that the rabbanim were apprised that the number of girls resumes vs boys resumes is now closer to 3 to 1, but rabbanim are not relying on those numbers. They mostly working off a comprehensive study of the boy vs girl population in the schools.

[PlatinumGuy]

No amount of letters and community initiatives are going to persuade a 19yo girl whose peers are getting married to risk her entire life and wait on the sidelines. What's more likely to happen is the Rabbonim telling her to be chilled and wait are going to make her more picky and less willing to compromise, increasing her odds of staying single until she has to compromise much more.

More chinuch towards compromise, tolerance, and individual responsibility would go a long way towards solving the crisis. A big part of it is singles who are too judgmental to date each other, and then it's the girls who are complaining while the guys aren't as bothered, like chazal taught יותר ממה שהאיש רוצה לישא האשה רוצה להינשא. Too much girls school emphasis is on being critical and not following the heart, when oftentimes it's the opposite that would be more helpful.

[jye]

More chinuch towards compromise, tolerance, and individual responsibility would go a long way towards solving the crisis. A big part of it is singles who are too judgmental to date each other, and then it's the girls who are complaining while the guys aren't as bothered, like chazal taught יותר ממה שהאיש רוצה לישא האשה רוצה להינשא. Too much girls school emphasis is on being critical and not following the heart, when oftentimes it's the opposite that would be more helpful.

https://matzav.com/video-over-50-rabbonim-and-roshei-yeshiva-convene-in-chicago-to-address-shidduch-crisis/
Watch the video. According to the Chelkas Binyomin, convincing boys or girls to be less picky or putting more shadchanim out there does nothing to help the overall crisis- it will simply shift WHO gets married and who loses out, but the total number of girls who will never be zoche to a Shidduch stays the same regardless, because it’s an age gap and a numbers problem; too many girls for too few boys.

[aygart]

What do school numbers tell you about whether there is a problem or not?

[aygart]

https://matzav.com/video-over-50-rabbonim-and-roshei-yeshiva-convene-in-chicago-to-address-shidduch-crisis/
Watch the video. According to the Chelkas Binyomin, convincing boys or girls to be less picky or putting more shadchanim out there does nothing to help the overall crisis- it will simply shift WHO gets married and who loses out, but the total number of girls who will never be zoche to a Shidduch stays the same regardless, because it’s an age gap and a numbers problem; too many girls for too few boys.

I haven't seen it established yet that there is an issue of girls not getting married

[jye]

I haven't seen it established yet that there is an issue of girls not getting married

These Rabbonim are the address. I’m assuming the 50 of them did don’t miss something like all the girls actually ending up married. Why not try each out to one of them and ask?

[justaregularguy]

I’m not involved with the effort but from what I’ve heard the thrust right now is to push off Shidduchim for girls coming back from seminary coupled with the boys leaving for E”Y earlier. It won’t close the whole gap but is a step in the right direction.

If it succeeds, just taking the 19 year old girls out of Shidduchim should have the immediate effect of having around 1/7 less girls in Shidduchim for boys to choose from, as well as an extra 6-12 month supply of boys coming back from E”Y in the near future who wouldn’t otherwise be in Shidduchim being added to the pool of available names. That’s got to have an impact.

if they want to make the postponement of girls dating by 1 year less harsh, make it go in effect all the way back in 1st grade. im making ages up here, but if boys start 1st grade at 6, have the girls start at 7.

[Baruch]

I haven't seen it established yet that there is an issue of girls not getting married

+1

[PlatinumGuy]

https://matzav.com/video-over-50-rabbonim-and-roshei-yeshiva-convene-in-chicago-to-address-shidduch-crisis/
Watch the video. According to the Chelkas Binyomin, convincing boys or girls to be less picky or putting more shadchanim out there does nothing to help the overall crisis- it will simply shift WHO gets married and who loses out, but the total number of girls who will never be zoche to a Shidduch stays the same regardless, because it’s an age gap and a numbers problem; too many girls for too few boys.

Facts can speak for themselves, the authority is irrelevant.

There is definitely a portion of the issue that is both single guys and single girls, and convincing them to be more open will get some of them married.

There is also a portion of the issue that is people taking too long to get married and feeling like they're older single, convincing them to be more open will get some of them married.

There is also a far underestimated issue of premarital relations, which could be a bigger קלקול than everything else in the shidduch crises. הורג הורג בעולם הזה ויש לו חלק לעוה"ב והמחטיא הורגו בעולם הזה ובעולם הבא

[Euclid]

This thread is hilarious (sad) - summed up as 63.4% of statistics in the world are wrong

[jye]

I haven't seen it established yet that there is an issue of girls not getting married

I haven’t seen the actual numbers of girls, make that women, who are say 35 and unmarried vs men but based on this logic we certainly don’t have a housing issue in the frum community because in the end of the day everyone has some sort of roof over their head.

[avromie7]

I haven’t seen the actual numbers of girls, make that women, who are say 35 and unmarried vs men but based on this logic we certainly don’t have a housing issue in the frum community because in the end of the day everyone has some sort of roof over their head.

Houses don't need people, people need houses.
Boys need girls and girls need boys.

[yfr bachur]

Not that I believe in the age gap blah blah...

But if someone could show me where all the 28-35 year old single guys are hiding.... my sisters know dozens of normal single women in that age range, while I can count the single guys I know pretty much just using my fingers, and at least half of them have some issue

[avromie7]

Not that I believe in the age gap blah blah...

But if someone could show me where all the 28-35 year old single guys are hiding.... my sisters know dozens of normal single women in that age range, while I can count the single guys I know pretty much just using my fingers

They're not hanging out in Yerushalayim.

[Dan]

Not that I believe in the age gap blah blah...

But if someone could show me where all the 28-35 year old single guys are hiding.... my sisters know dozens of normal single women in that age range, while I can count the single guys I know pretty much just using my fingers, and at least half of them have some issue

More pressure on guys frumkeit = More guys go OTD?

[yfr bachur]

They're not hanging out in Yerushalayim.

I mean from my peer groups.
Pretty much everyone that I was in yeshiva with, high school, camps... are all married.
My sisters, not so much.

Honestly, how many guys are normal, that age, and learning in BMG, YTV, Ner Yisroel...?

[Dan]

Pretty much everyone that I was in yeshiva with, high school, camps... are all married.

Did they all stay frum?

[yfr bachur]

Did they all stay frum?

Mostly. One or two went off straight out of high school (at least the way I would qualify that...last I heard the were in coed housing in a uni , though they may have gotten back to frumkeit in the last decade and anyway they started off pretty modern orthodox anyway). While last I heard the guy voted most likely to be in prison or dead 5 years after graduating HS, had sorted his life and was learning in BMG by that point

[avromie7]

I mean from my peer groups.
Pretty much everyone that I was in yeshiva with, high school, camps... are all married.
My sisters, not so much.

Honestly, how many guys are normal, that age, and learning in BMG, YTV, Ner Yisroel...?

Chances are, especially since you're on the other side of the world, what you consider your peer groups is a lot smaller than your sisters' peer groups.

You're much more likely to forget about people at the edge of your peer group when you never have the chance to bump into them.

That's all without getting into that you only have anecdotal evidence.

[Euclid]

That's all without getting into that you only have anecdotal evidence.

Empirical evidence does not exist in the frum world. Not sure why you and aygart are beating the drum of "if we can't prove it, it doesn't exist"; you know that we'll never have hard evidence and will need to rely on 'anecdata'.