i think you need to re-prioritize a bit man... to anyone not "in" the game, this stuff is chinese. you can't reasonably expect her to go through all the cheshbonos every time she makes a purchase. you also can't expect her to flip through 5 cards reading stickies every time she's at a store, it's not fair, and to be honest, it's not so normal. give her one or two cards max, and be done with it. the point difference at the end of the year is really not enough to be worth going through the bills to make sure she's doing it right and "calling her out" on it.
alternatively, if it's that important to you, maybe you should start doing the shopping
It's really not a big issue, I just keep mentioning to her the simple rules --- blue card under $10, clear card groceries, and red card everything else. She says she's got it but then uses the clear card for $1 charges, blue card for groceries, etc. It's not causing an unhappy home and we don't fight about about but she doesn't like being reminded.
I do most the grocery shopping, but we spend a lot and would prefer she use the 6% cash back card when she does.
She'll get it for awhile, but the Freedom's rotating categories mess her up. I guess until we get the Wallaby card, I'll not include her on the Freedom rotating categories (but those will be tough to pass up).