Author Topic: Best one-liners  (Read 119980 times)

Offline notanonymous

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #510 on: November 04, 2013, 01:15:58 AM »
The Satmar Rav was once at a border and was asked "Who is on the $5 Bill" to which he turns to his gabai
זאג איהם  איך האב קיינמאהל נישט געזעהן ווינציגער פין א הינדרעדט
Where did you see/hear that?

Offline Moishebatchy

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #511 on: November 04, 2013, 04:38:54 AM »
Via Twitter:

United: We're proud to be the official airline of the @INGNYCMarathon. Good luck to the participants!

Chaikel: With United's new award chart, participants now have to run 48.9 miles! #UnitedUnfriendly #87pct more

Offline wayfe

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #512 on: November 14, 2013, 10:33:50 AM »
She gets her good looks from her father...
he's a plastic surgeon
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
Richard Feynman

Online whYME

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #513 on: November 17, 2013, 01:11:37 AM »
I have mixed drinks about feelings.

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #514 on: November 24, 2013, 07:40:00 PM »
Judging by how many times I was told about Stop, Drop and Roll as a kid, I really expected to be on fire more times in my life...
Curiosity made the cat smarter.

Offline nafnaf12

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #515 on: November 24, 2013, 10:44:35 PM »
Why is a divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it
A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #516 on: November 26, 2013, 11:37:23 AM »




Curiosity made the cat smarter.

Offline SamKey

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #517 on: November 29, 2013, 12:12:26 PM »
Black Friday: "only in America people trample others for a sale exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have"!

Offline hertzinstl

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #518 on: November 30, 2013, 02:26:18 PM »
Vodka is not the answer . . . But it makes you forget the question

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #519 on: December 09, 2013, 10:59:59 AM »
When you think about how big the Earth is, and how it's just a fraction of the size of the sun, which is just a speck of dust in the universe... It makes ir easy to rationalize eating an entire cake.
Curiosity made the cat smarter.

Offline Super Speed

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #520 on: December 18, 2013, 02:20:57 AM »
Noone ever suffered eye strain from looking at the bright side of things.


Offline Feivish

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #521 on: December 19, 2013, 04:23:46 PM »
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Online whYME

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #522 on: December 19, 2013, 04:36:11 PM »
Noone ever suffered eye strain from looking at the bright side of things.
I disagree.

Looking at bright things usually hurts/strains my eyes...

Offline good sam

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #523 on: December 19, 2013, 04:52:15 PM »
When you think about how big the Earth is, and how it's just a fraction of the size of the sun, which is just a speck of dust in the universe... It makes ir easy to rationalize eating an entire cake.
Dangerous thinking.  This impacts far more than cake.
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #524 on: December 19, 2013, 05:38:08 PM »
Dangerous thinking.  This impacts far more than cake.
I believe that's the joke here....
Curiosity made the cat smarter.