Author Topic: Best one-liners  (Read 151003 times)

Offline zalman123

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #60 on: August 19, 2010, 11:15:54 PM »
 "You don't stop laughing when you die, you die when you stop laughing!!"

Offline avi2018

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #61 on: August 26, 2010, 04:21:46 AM »
Signs in some stores:
"Our prices are based on obtaining quality products and giving you outstanding customer service. If you ask us for a discount, which one of these do you want us to take out?"
;)

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #62 on: August 26, 2010, 09:18:30 AM »
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift - that's why it's called "the present".

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #63 on: September 05, 2010, 05:06:44 PM »
Guy says: I never knew what true happiness meant until I got married, but then it was too late

Offline Yellow

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #64 on: September 06, 2010, 02:19:17 AM »
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #65 on: September 06, 2010, 05:39:45 AM »
I got married before the war.

The war started after the wedding.

Offline Chaikel

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #66 on: September 06, 2010, 12:19:02 PM »
While were on this topic, I realized something during seder today

In hebrew, the words marriage and hate have the same letters
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Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #67 on: September 06, 2010, 12:57:11 PM »
While were on this topic, I realized something during seder today

In hebrew, the words marriage and hate have the same letters

nisu'in ? how?

(use the symbols in word to write)

Offline Chaikel

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #68 on: September 06, 2010, 01:26:00 PM »
nun sin aleph in both
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Offline bosoxfan

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #69 on: September 06, 2010, 05:44:16 PM »
as well as "get" and "gut" (yiddish)

Offline elikay

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #70 on: September 07, 2010, 01:27:11 AM »
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that
you don't need it.

Offline elikay

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #71 on: September 07, 2010, 01:27:40 AM »
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #72 on: September 07, 2010, 01:37:24 PM »
If being rich makes people sad, and being poor also makes you sad, I'd rather live sad with money then without.

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #73 on: September 07, 2010, 01:38:57 PM »
Stress is caused by 3 things: Money. Family. And FAMILY WITH NO MONEY.

Offline Chaikel

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #74 on: September 12, 2010, 11:53:20 AM »
"It's the best reality show in television. It's the National Football League."
-Al Micheals
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Offline Yordai Dooma

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #75 on: September 12, 2010, 09:40:11 PM »
Quote from: New york times

A recession is when you your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose your job. A recovery is when Nancy Pelosi loses her job.

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #76 on: September 13, 2010, 09:38:41 AM »
A recession is when you your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose your job. A recovery is when Nancy Pelosi loses her job
;D

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #77 on: September 16, 2010, 04:10:26 PM »
More signs in stores:

Quote
Nobody is perfect, but somebody has to do it.

Quote
I'm just getting done with yesterday, by tomorrow I should be finished with today.

Offline Dan

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #78 on: September 16, 2010, 04:23:34 PM »
From Jay Leno...

"US Airways has a new slogan: When you can't decide on a flight or cruise."

"They showed the plane floating on the Hudson River. All the passengers evacuated using life vests - well, those that had $25."

"Rescuers not only got all the passengers out of the Hudson River, they also pulled up three mob bodies that had been thrown in there, too."

"People are wondering now how they were going to get the plane out of the river, but the FAA said today since it was the Hudson River, the airplane will probably just dissolve in a week or so."

"And I thought this was nice. US Airways said that each passenger will still get 3 frequent-flier miles. They will get credit!"
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Chaikel

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #79 on: September 16, 2010, 05:55:12 PM »
Another Jay:
In regard to the CEO of Ryanair wanting to cut co-pilots:
"The pilots are pissed. Nobody wants to drink alone"
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