Author Topic: Best one-liners  (Read 151008 times)

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #80 on: September 19, 2010, 01:40:29 AM »
The better the vacuum, the more it sucks.

Offline avi2018

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #81 on: September 19, 2010, 04:37:17 PM »
A recession is when you your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose your job. A recovery is when Nancy Pelosi loses her job.
If I'm not mistaken that line comes from Ronald Reagan, with jimmy carter in Nancy Pelosi's place.

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #82 on: September 20, 2010, 10:21:06 PM »
9-11-01
All gave some, some gave all - FDNY.

Offline zalman123

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Some very true statements.   * Going to shul doesn't make you a tzadik any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.   * Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.   * If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.  
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 
 
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 
 
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 
 
* The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.  
 
* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
 
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.  
 
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 
 
* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?  
 
* Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 
 
* Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. 
 
* I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks. 
 
* A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. 
 
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR." 
 
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 
 
* Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but checks when you say the paint is wet? 
 
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 
 
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 
 
* The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 
 
* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. 
 
* Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. 
 
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 
 
* Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. 
 
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 
 
* I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila. 
 
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 
 
* You're never too old to learn something stupid. 
 
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 
 
* A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Offline zalman123

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #84 on: November 16, 2010, 04:08:09 PM »
“You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by the way he eats jelly beans.” -Ronald Reagan


Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #85 on: December 23, 2010, 11:30:29 AM »
It's a free country, for a small fee.

Offline mancunian

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #86 on: January 18, 2011, 12:25:12 AM »
"You don't stop laughing when you die, you die when you stop laughing!!"

(i think) thats from carlebach "you don't stop telling stories when you get old, you get old when you stop telling stories."

Offline moish

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #87 on: January 18, 2011, 04:16:21 AM »
what does old have to do with telling stories?

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #88 on: January 18, 2011, 07:31:11 AM »
People that are closer to the other world than this one, usually don't tell stories anymore.

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #89 on: January 18, 2011, 10:45:17 AM »
Everyone has a right to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege.

Offline yeshivaman

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #90 on: January 18, 2011, 12:33:21 PM »
You obviously lack the ability to laugh at yourself, that's where I come in..
i wish i knew what i was doing...

Offline WhiteWolf

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #91 on: February 02, 2011, 06:18:28 PM »
IF YOU WILL IT, IT IS NO DREAM

Online AsherO

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #92 on: February 04, 2011, 12:50:34 PM »
IF YOU WILL IT, IT IS NO DREAM

If there's a will, there's an executor.

Offline Cholentfresser

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #93 on: February 04, 2011, 12:53:14 PM »
If there's a will, there's an heir.
interesting how the "an" rule doesn't go by spelling (having the next word start with a vowel) but by pronunciation.
In order to understand recursion, you first need to understand recursion.

Online AsherO

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #94 on: February 04, 2011, 12:56:06 PM »
interesting how the "an" rule doesn't go by spelling (having the next word start with a vowel) but by pronunciation.

I followed this page, not that YA is a quality source, but the logic sounded right.

Please note: I have since edited the one-liner to it's proper form.

Offline Cholentfresser

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #95 on: February 04, 2011, 01:13:11 PM »
I followed this page, not that YA is a quality source, but the logic sounded right.
do u really go thru a grammar check every time before hitting 'post'
In order to understand recursion, you first need to understand recursion.

Offline Mikeoracle

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #96 on: February 04, 2011, 01:54:16 PM »
If there's a will, there's an executor.
A man has his will, but women has her way.

Offline Avid Reader

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #97 on: February 04, 2011, 02:02:45 PM »
A man has his will, but women has her way.

I'm the boss in this house, and I have my wife's permission to say so.

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #98 on: February 04, 2011, 02:33:15 PM »
do u really go thru a grammar check every time before hitting 'post'

I love words and how they work, (when?) I actually wonder about it so I bother to look.

Offline Yaalili

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #99 on: February 04, 2011, 02:37:20 PM »
"Keep your words sweet, just in case you gotta swallow them up..."