Author Topic: Best one-liners (Read 202278 times)

maxie m · « **Reply #720 on:** March 02, 2015, 02:31:21 PM »

He who sits on hot stoves shall rise- confucious

maxie m · « **Reply #721 on:** March 02, 2015, 02:33:32 PM »

People see what is and ask why, I dream of what isn't and ask why not

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #722 on:** March 02, 2015, 02:35:24 PM »

Quote from: maxie m on March 02, 2015, 02:31:21 PM

He who sits on hot stoves shall rise- confucious

Quote from: Moishebatchy on May 03, 2013, 08:08:37 AM

"The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln

maxie m · « **Reply #723 on:** March 02, 2015, 02:41:22 PM »

Quote from: Achas Veachas on March 02, 2015, 02:35:24 PM

no kidding, was an old one that used to go around

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #724 on:** March 02, 2015, 02:49:20 PM »

Quote from: maxie m on March 02, 2015, 02:41:22 PM

no kidding, was an old one that used to go around

I've seen it before to but couldn't find a source attributing it to confucious...

bigbadmoish · « **Reply #725 on:** March 02, 2015, 04:10:16 PM »

Money doesnt buy you happiness but i'd rather cry in a lambo

Freddie · « **Reply #726 on:** March 02, 2015, 08:23:29 PM »

Quote from: Achas Veachas on March 02, 2015, 01:32:01 PM

Dark army humor from my Israeli friend:

What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger, and what does... will make your mother stronger.

Wow! I'm totally floored. That is the darkest joke I have ever heard.
BTW what is the original Hebrew?

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #727 on:** March 02, 2015, 08:51:58 PM »

Quote from: Freddie on March 02, 2015, 08:23:29 PM

Wow! I'm totally floored. That is the darkest joke I have ever heard.
BTW what is the original Hebrew?

He was actually telling it to someone in English so I don't know.

bigbadmoish · « **Reply #728 on:** March 03, 2015, 08:37:01 AM »

If you can spit farther than you can throw, its time to quit smoking

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #729 on:** March 04, 2015, 09:43:21 AM »

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #730 on:** April 16, 2015, 04:13:34 PM »

Remember when people had diaries and got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when no one does.

etech0 · « **Reply #731 on:** April 16, 2015, 04:16:17 PM »

Quote from: Achas Veachas on April 16, 2015, 04:13:34 PM

Remember when people had diaries and got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when no one does.

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #732 on:** April 23, 2015, 03:06:26 PM »

I have the heart of a lion, the eye of a hawk and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Iz · « **Reply #733 on:** April 23, 2015, 03:12:55 PM »

A furniture salesman delivered furniture to a kollel yungerman's home one evening, and the baby was crying, and he "compassionately" asked the mother "Your husband doesn't stay home at night to help you?".
She replied, "You're also not home helping your wife".

coralsnake · « **Reply #734 on:** April 23, 2015, 03:15:03 PM »

Quote from: Iz on April 23, 2015, 03:12:55 PM

A furniture salesman delivered furniture to a kollel yungerman's home one evening, and the baby was crying, and he "compassionately" asked the mother "Your husband doesn't stay home at night to help you?".
She replied, "You're also not home helping your wife".

His wife left him. Way to rub it in.

Iz · « **Reply #735 on:** April 23, 2015, 03:17:55 PM »

Quote from: coralsnake on April 23, 2015, 03:15:03 PM

His wife left him. Way to rub it in.

You're serious? You're defending this shoteh?
Yes, this actually happened to a friend of mine (to his wife).

coralsnake · « **Reply #736 on:** April 23, 2015, 03:25:44 PM »

Quote from: Iz on April 23, 2015, 03:17:55 PM

You're serious? You're defending this shoteh?
Yes, this actually happened to a friend of mine (to his wife).

It was a joke. But what if the guy wasn't married? Just an a-hole?

ADG · « **Reply #737 on:** April 23, 2015, 04:40:19 PM »

Your money is as good as the advice you receive about it

JayR · « **Reply #738 on:** April 24, 2015, 02:26:53 AM »

The difference between men and boys are the price of the toys

etech0 · « **Reply #739 on:** April 27, 2015, 03:57:42 PM »

It's always a good idea to ask advice. That way you have someone to blame if things go wrong.