Author Topic: Best one-liners (Read 202434 times)

wayfe · « **Reply #880 on:** May 15, 2016, 09:27:48 AM »

Quote from: username on May 14, 2016, 11:57:25 PM

Only floss the teeth you want to keep.

Ignore your teeth long enough and they'll go away

ExGingi · « **Reply #881 on:** May 15, 2016, 12:37:59 PM »

The two great US political parties have conspired to give us a choice of Crazy Man vs. Criminal.

etech0 · « **Reply #882 on:** May 16, 2016, 03:15:30 PM »

Quote from: nafnaf12 on May 16, 2016, 02:20:45 PM

This guys wife treats him like G-D...every meal is a burnt offering.⁠⁠⁠⁠

Sholom123 · « **Reply #883 on:** May 17, 2016, 09:08:37 AM »

A couple got divorced for religious reasons he thought he was g-d and she didn't worship him.

username · « **Reply #884 on:** May 17, 2016, 10:24:40 AM »

Quote from: ExGingi on May 15, 2016, 12:37:59 PM

The two great US political parties have conspired to give us a choice of Crazy Man vs. Criminal.

Thanks for the hint. Now I know which one is which.

etech0 · « **Reply #885 on:** May 19, 2016, 05:47:54 PM »

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago, and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

YSP · « **Reply #886 on:** May 20, 2016, 10:07:28 AM »

Quote from: etech0 on May 19, 2016, 05:47:54 PM

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago, and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

Mine just sucks...

good sam · « **Reply #887 on:** May 20, 2016, 10:16:18 AM »

Quote from: YSP on May 20, 2016, 10:07:28 AM

Mine just sucks...

Wayne's World?

YSP · « **Reply #888 on:** May 20, 2016, 10:22:35 AM »

Quote from: good sam on May 20, 2016, 10:16:18 AM

Wayne's World?

Never watched it

wayfe · « **Reply #889 on:** May 20, 2016, 11:08:16 AM »

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” – George Bernard Shaw

chaimmayer · « **Reply #890 on:** May 20, 2016, 11:53:52 AM »

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

grodnoking · « **Reply #891 on:** May 20, 2016, 11:56:59 AM »

Quote from: wayfe on May 20, 2016, 11:08:16 AM

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” – George Bernard Shaw

Deep

Live N Learn · « **Reply #892 on:** May 25, 2016, 08:25:51 AM »

I haven't spoken to my wife for 2 weeks - I don't like to interrupt her.

David Smith · « **Reply #893 on:** June 19, 2016, 04:45:38 PM »

Quote

Its like playing chess against a pigeon; sooner or later its going to knock the pieces over, crap on the board and strut around like it won.

Josef.koney · « **Reply #894 on:** June 19, 2016, 07:45:11 PM »

When one talks he only hears what is already know to him, but when listening he might hear a thing or 2 new.

Josef.koney · « **Reply #895 on:** June 19, 2016, 07:45:30 PM »

Forgot the exact language but that's the idea

nafnaf12 · « **Reply #896 on:** June 20, 2016, 05:33:36 PM »

Art is not what you see, its what you make others see

ExGingi · « **Reply #897 on:** June 23, 2016, 02:09:52 PM »

Heard this morning in shul one of the beggars going around saying: גדול המקבל צדקה יותר מן הנותן

David Smith · « **Reply #898 on:** June 23, 2016, 02:17:17 PM »

Quote from: ExGingi on June 23, 2016, 02:09:52 PM

Heard this morning in shul one of the beggars going around saying: גדול המקבל צדקה יותר מן הנותן

I hope you asked him for some money.

Work-for-ur-muny · « **Reply #899 on:** June 23, 2016, 02:18:07 PM »

Quote from: ExGingi on June 23, 2016, 02:09:52 PM

Heard this morning in shul one of the beggars going around saying: גדול המקבל צדקה יותר מן הנותן

BIL told me he heard someone in Lakewood collecting for an עני מהודר