Best one-liners

[chaimmayer]

We had a 13 year old davening musaf on Shabbos.   He was giferlach.  As they say " the chazzan is so frum that he doesn't even carry a tune on Shabbos.  However, he was very confident and sang loud and clear and strong the entire time.
My shver said, " sometimes confidence is more important than competence"

[SamKey]

There was a frum man getting his change from a female black cashier. When he moved his hand to avoid contact she responded "Don't worry it don't rub off"!

[YSP]

After the shooting in Sandy hook Elemntary there was talk about maybe beefing up security in the frum schools in Lakewood. R' Meir Stern said "Don't worry about it. Nobody can get into the schools in Lakewood"

[SamKey]

After the shooting in Sandy hook Elemntary there was talk about maybe beefing up security in the frum schools in Lakewood. R' Meir Stern said "Don't worry about it. Nobody can get into the schools in Lakewood"

ALOL ROFL

[lfas25]

After the shooting in Sandy hook Elemntary there was talk about maybe beefing up security in the frum schools in Lakewood. R' Meir Stern said "Don't worry about it. Nobody can get into the schools in Lakewood"

ROFL!!
So sad yet true!

[jj1000]

Passenger asks an AA uniformed agent who's standing behind the gate desk if any seats opened up. The AA person responds

"Oh I'm just a pilot, I don't know"

[Shreknit]

I knew something was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black mans arms.- Charles Ramsey

[lfas25]

I knew something was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black mans arms.- Charles Ramsey

+1

[SamKey]

So the RY of my yeshiva walks in to the bais medrash one day when its 105F outside and says " if gehenim is anything like this I'M NOT GOING"

[Moishebatchy]

So the RY of my yeshiva walks in to the bais medrash one day when its 105F outside and says " if gehenim is anything like this I'M NOT GOING"

ALOL!

[Mikeoracle]

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
---George Carlin

[whacked1]

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
---George Carlin

very good

[Achas Veachas]

So the RY of my yeshiva walks in to the bais medrash one day when its 105F outside and says " if gehenim is anything like this I'M NOT GOING"

At an Amnon Yitzchak lecture:
Random dude: כבוד הרב, אני רוצה ללבוש ציצית אבל חם לי
A.Y.: אבל בגהינוווום יותר חם

[Yeki89]

Noel Coward (1899-1973):
'Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.'

[good sam]

I knew something was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black mans arms.- Charles Ramsey

Dead Giveaway (can't get it out of my head)

[metziah]

Noel Coward (1899-1973):
'Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.'

that was great!!!!!!!!

[hocker]

Is there anything more Jewish than bagels on sale?

[SamKey]

Is there anything more Jewish than bagels on sale?

I saw one jewish torture: Free pork

[DovtheBear]

I saw one jewish torture: Free pork

There might be a heter....

[nafnaf12]

 
I'd rather have an enemy who slaps me in the face, than a friend who stabs me in the back.