Author Topic: Best one-liners  (Read 202280 times)

Offline Super Speed

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jul 2013
  • Posts: 4857
  • Total likes: 50
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 4
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: SPG Gold, Hilton Gold, Hyatt Platinum, Marriott Gold, Hertz Presidents Circle, Avis First, National Executive Elite, Sixt Platinum.
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #480 on: October 20, 2013, 12:29:58 PM »
Scratch-offs are a tax on people who are bad at math!


Offline yuneeq

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Posts: 8879
  • Total likes: 4044
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 10
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: NJ
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #481 on: October 20, 2013, 12:48:45 PM »
Scratch-offs are a tax on people who are bad at math!

Lotteries are a tax on the poor.
Visibly Jewish

Offline ilherman

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jun 2013
  • Posts: 8948
  • Total likes: 228
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 35
    • View Profile
  • Location: Brooklyn
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #482 on: October 21, 2013, 03:14:23 PM »
For the ladies here....

Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a women and loose enough to show you're a lady.

HT: Rodeo Drive walk of style.
You can say what you think when you think what you say.

Offline yuneeq

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Posts: 8879
  • Total likes: 4044
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 10
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: NJ
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #483 on: October 21, 2013, 09:20:54 PM »
NSA director stepping down to spend less time with your family.
Visibly Jewish

Offline meshugener

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Feb 2012
  • Posts: 6959
  • Total likes: 62
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 4
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
  • Location: DDF
  • Programs: Amex Platinum, Chase Freedom 10X10 Exclusives, Avis Presidents Club, National Executive, Hertz 5 Star, Hilton Gold, Accor Platinum, Hyatt Platinum, Marriott Silver, SPG Gold, Club Carlson Gold
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #484 on: October 21, 2013, 09:24:55 PM »
NSA director stepping down to spend less time with your family.
:)
Love me or hate me. I still love you.

Offline ckmk47

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Aug 2012
  • Posts: 8029
  • Total likes: 1065
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
  • Location: brooklyn
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #485 on: October 21, 2013, 11:41:41 PM »
NSA director stepping down to spend less time with your family.
Had to read it twice, but ROFL.
My favorite cause: cssy.org

Offline Galitzyaner

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Aug 2011
  • Posts: 3033
  • Total likes: 119
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 13
    • View Profile
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #486 on: October 22, 2013, 01:45:25 AM »
NSA director stepping down to spend less time with your family.
ALOL. Great one!
For the ladies here....

Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a women and loose enough to show you're a lady.

HT: Rodeo Drive walk of style.
::)
BTW womEn is plural ;)

Offline Achas Veachas

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 4789
  • Total likes: 114
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
    • View Profile
    • Torah && Tech
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #487 on: October 22, 2013, 10:27:54 PM »
 I have a theory that you can make any sentence seem profound by writing the name of a dead philosopher at the end of it.   - Plato

Online SamKey

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Mar 2013
  • Posts: 3365
  • Total likes: 30
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: If I'm there I can't be here and if I'm here I can't be there
  • Programs: National EE; Hertz PC; Sixt Plt; Avis First; Hilton Gold; Priority Club Plt; West Bestern DE; Carlson Club GE; Accor PLT
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #488 on: October 23, 2013, 12:57:43 AM »
Behind every great man... is his wife frowning in disapproval
« Last Edit: October 23, 2013, 02:02:34 AM by SamKey »

Offline Myccrabbi

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: May 2013
  • Posts: 2030
  • Total likes: 22
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 9
    • View Profile
  • Location: Monsey ny
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #489 on: October 23, 2013, 01:43:07 AM »
Behind every great man... is his wife frowning with disapproval


The Shadchan asked me if I'm looking for a girl "with it". My response: "Definitely not a girl without it"
sara imainu in between :D

If u work for a living, why kill urself working?

Offline Achas Veachas

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 4789
  • Total likes: 114
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
    • View Profile
    • Torah && Tech
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #490 on: October 23, 2013, 07:40:20 AM »
Behind every great man... is his wife frowning in disapproval
Noch a Nusach: Behind every great man... is his wife rolling her eyes...

Offline YSP

  • Dansdeals Platinum Elite
  • ****
  • Join Date: Apr 2013
  • Posts: 273
  • Total likes: 13
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #491 on: October 23, 2013, 11:26:03 AM »
Noch a Nusach:
Behind every great man .... stands an incredulous mother in law

Offline yuneeq

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Posts: 8879
  • Total likes: 4044
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 10
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: NJ
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #492 on: October 23, 2013, 02:21:15 PM »
Behind every great man .... stands an incredulous mother in law

My homemade version-
Behind every great man...stands a furious feminist
Visibly Jewish

Online SamKey

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Mar 2013
  • Posts: 3365
  • Total likes: 30
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: If I'm there I can't be here and if I'm here I can't be there
  • Programs: National EE; Hertz PC; Sixt Plt; Avis First; Hilton Gold; Priority Club Plt; West Bestern DE; Carlson Club GE; Accor PLT
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #493 on: October 23, 2013, 07:22:58 PM »
My homemade version-
Behind every great man...stands a furious feminist
???

Offline yuneeq

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Posts: 8879
  • Total likes: 4044
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 10
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: NJ
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #494 on: October 23, 2013, 07:24:41 PM »
???

He's great and she has to stand behind...
Visibly Jewish

Online SamKey

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Mar 2013
  • Posts: 3365
  • Total likes: 30
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: If I'm there I can't be here and if I'm here I can't be there
  • Programs: National EE; Hertz PC; Sixt Plt; Avis First; Hilton Gold; Priority Club Plt; West Bestern DE; Carlson Club GE; Accor PLT
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #495 on: October 23, 2013, 09:02:14 PM »
He's great and she has to stand behind...
Oh :-[

Offline DovtheBear

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Nov 2012
  • Posts: 2954
  • Total likes: 9
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
  • Location: ליבי במזרח ואנכי בסוף מערב
  • Programs: Regus Gold, Hertz 5 Star, National Executive, Sixt Platinum, Chase Debit, Rav Kav Emerald
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #496 on: October 25, 2013, 01:32:30 AM »
"Obama will be driving through Crown Heights tomorrow. Wanna join my "Re-Open Union Mikvah" protest?"-Mendy Pellin
I don't get it, but it sounds like its supposed to be good. Anyone care to explain?
"להסתובב זה לא אומר להיות חופשי"

Offline Achas Veachas

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 4789
  • Total likes: 114
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
    • View Profile
    • Torah && Tech
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #497 on: October 25, 2013, 01:53:51 AM »
Union Mikvah was an infamous Mikvah that thankfully shut its doors a few years back, yet most Crown Heightsers still feel very nostalgic about it.

Offline DovtheBear

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Nov 2012
  • Posts: 2954
  • Total likes: 9
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 14
    • View Profile
  • Location: ליבי במזרח ואנכי בסוף מערב
  • Programs: Regus Gold, Hertz 5 Star, National Executive, Sixt Platinum, Chase Debit, Rav Kav Emerald
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #498 on: October 25, 2013, 01:55:01 AM »
Union Mikvah was an infamous Mikvah that thankfully shut its doors a few years back, yet most Crown Heightsers still feel very nostalgic about it.
Obama?
"להסתובב זה לא אומר להיות חופשי"

Offline Achas Veachas

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 4789
  • Total likes: 114
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
    • View Profile
    • Torah && Tech
Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #499 on: October 25, 2013, 01:59:00 AM »
Obama?
Just an occasion to have a demonstration (come on you should know Mendy Pellin by now :P )