Author Topic: Best one-liners  (Read 200428 times)

Offline DovtheBear

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #500 on: October 25, 2013, 02:00:27 AM »
Just an occasion to have a demonstration
(come on you should know Mendy Pellin by now :P )
I should've known.
;)
"להסתובב זה לא אומר להיות חופשי"

Offline notanonymous

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #501 on: October 25, 2013, 02:09:28 AM »
"Obama will be driving through Crown Heights tomorrow. Wanna join my "Re-Open Union Mikvah" protest?"-Mendy Pellin
I don't get it, but it sounds like its supposed to be good. Anyone care to explain?
It sounds like he wants to protest against (this is what protest means) the reopening of the mikvah.

Offline good sam

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #502 on: October 30, 2013, 10:47:12 AM »
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #503 on: October 30, 2013, 10:50:05 AM »
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Offline SamKey

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #504 on: October 30, 2013, 06:18:16 PM »
this one is pretty good

Offline DovtheBear

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #505 on: November 02, 2013, 09:23:10 PM »
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
"להסתובב זה לא אומר להיות חופשי"

Offline DovtheBear

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #506 on: November 02, 2013, 11:17:49 PM »
Shluchim are encouraged not to change their clocks in order to start the #kinus on time. #ChabadTime -Mendy Pellin
"להסתובב זה לא אומר להיות חופשי"

Offline SamKey

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #507 on: November 03, 2013, 10:36:49 AM »
The Satmar Rav was once at a border and was asked "Who is on the $5 Bill" to which he turns to his gabai
זאג איהם  איך האב קיינמאהל נישט געזעהן ווינציגער פין א הינדרעדט
« Last Edit: November 03, 2013, 10:41:06 AM by SamKey »

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #508 on: November 03, 2013, 11:06:36 AM »
Never be haughty to the humble; never be humble to the haughty.  -Jefferson Davis

Offline SamKey

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #509 on: November 04, 2013, 12:22:31 AM »
I'm so tired I can't even remember the last time I was so tired!-ME

Offline notanonymous

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #510 on: November 04, 2013, 01:15:58 AM »
The Satmar Rav was once at a border and was asked "Who is on the $5 Bill" to which he turns to his gabai
זאג איהם  איך האב קיינמאהל נישט געזעהן ווינציגער פין א הינדרעדט
Where did you see/hear that?

Offline Moishebatchy

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #511 on: November 04, 2013, 04:38:54 AM »
Via Twitter:

United: We're proud to be the official airline of the @INGNYCMarathon. Good luck to the participants!

Chaikel: With United's new award chart, participants now have to run 48.9 miles! #UnitedUnfriendly #87pct more

Offline wayfe

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #512 on: November 14, 2013, 10:33:50 AM »
She gets her good looks from her father...
he's a plastic surgeon
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned."
— Richard Feynman

Offline whYME

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #513 on: November 17, 2013, 01:11:37 AM »
I have mixed drinks about feelings.

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #514 on: November 24, 2013, 07:40:00 PM »
Judging by how many times I was told about Stop, Drop and Roll as a kid, I really expected to be on fire more times in my life...

Online nafnaf12

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #515 on: November 24, 2013, 10:44:35 PM »
Why is a divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it
A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #516 on: November 26, 2013, 11:37:23 AM »





Offline SamKey

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #517 on: November 29, 2013, 12:12:26 PM »
Black Friday: "only in America people trample others for a sale exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have"!

Offline hertzinstl

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #518 on: November 30, 2013, 02:26:18 PM »
Vodka is not the answer . . . But it makes you forget the question

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: Best one-liners
« Reply #519 on: December 09, 2013, 10:59:59 AM »
When you think about how big the Earth is, and how it's just a fraction of the size of the sun, which is just a speck of dust in the universe... It makes ir easy to rationalize eating an entire cake.