Author Topic: Best one-liners (Read 202422 times)

SamKey · « **Reply #560 on:** February 10, 2014, 10:10:48 AM »

Quote from: YSP on February 10, 2014, 09:25:16 AM

“if I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “thank you” is all I need. Not all this “how did you get in my house” business.”

ROFL

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #561 on:** February 12, 2014, 11:27:45 AM »

If prisons let prisoners take their own mugshots, would they be called cellfies?

rj95 · « **Reply #562 on:** February 12, 2014, 11:39:37 AM »

The only product Microsoft could ever make that wouldn't suck, would be a vacuum cleaner.

wayfe · « **Reply #563 on:** February 12, 2014, 11:43:10 AM »

People who live in glass houses, shouldn't.

skyguy918 · « **Reply #564 on:** February 12, 2014, 03:31:30 PM »

Quote from: rj95 on February 12, 2014, 11:39:37 AM

The only product [fill in any company you don't like] could ever make that wouldn't suck, would be a vacuum cleaner.

FTFY

wayfe · « **Reply #565 on:** February 12, 2014, 03:33:24 PM »

Quote from: skyguy918 on February 12, 2014, 03:31:30 PM

FTFY

So I'm guessing you're a microsoft fan?

skyguy918 · « **Reply #566 on:** February 12, 2014, 03:42:31 PM »

Quote from: wayfe on February 12, 2014, 03:33:24 PM

So I'm guessing you're a microsoft fan?

There are no Microsoft fans, there are Apple fanboys and everyone else.

Either way, the point was that the joke itself is not specific to Microsoft, you can apply it to any company you think makes bad products.

lubaby · « **Reply #567 on:** March 11, 2014, 11:18:33 AM »

Spring is here. I’m so excited I wet my plants!

Super Speed · « **Reply #568 on:** March 11, 2014, 11:45:37 AM »

No one types quicker then a pissed off girl!

ckmk47 · « **Reply #569 on:** March 11, 2014, 12:18:09 PM »

Quote from: lubaby on March 11, 2014, 11:18:33 AM

Spring is here. I’m so excited I wet my plants!

12HRS · « **Reply #570 on:** March 11, 2014, 08:32:47 PM »

They should make amazon prime for shidduchim, all your dates in 2 days or less for one yearly fee...

icapd1 · « **Reply #571 on:** March 12, 2014, 11:37:56 AM »

“America has become a strong nation. Fifty years ago it took two adults to carry ten dollars worth of groceries. Today a five year old can do that all on his own”

cozmohoot · « **Reply #572 on:** March 12, 2014, 12:26:21 PM »

Quote from: icapd1 on March 12, 2014, 11:37:56 AM

“America has become a strong nation. Fifty years ago it took two adults to carry ten dollars worth of groceries. Today a five year old can do that all on his own”

not a bad 1st post

welcome

icapd1 · « **Reply #573 on:** March 12, 2014, 01:07:43 PM »

Thank you. I'm a newbie here, but this isn't my first post.

ckmk47 · « **Reply #574 on:** March 12, 2014, 02:01:17 PM »

Quote from: icapd1 on March 12, 2014, 01:07:43 PM

Thank you. I'm a newbie here, but this isn't my first post.

I thought I remembered you from the now shidduch thread. Good post there, by the way. Something's wrong with the post count.

Edit: Just Shmooze posts don't go toward the post count. Only one of your post wasn't Shmoozing.

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #575 on:** March 12, 2014, 02:06:21 PM »

Quote from: ckmk47 on March 12, 2014, 02:01:17 PM

I thought I remembered you from the now shidduch thread. Good post there, by the way. Something's wrong with the post count.

Nothing wrong, posts in JS don't count.

ckmk47 · « **Reply #576 on:** March 12, 2014, 02:39:39 PM »

Quote from: ckmk47 on March 12, 2014, 02:01:17 PM

Last Edit: Today at 02:06:16 PM by ckmk47 »
Edit: Just Shmooze posts don't go toward the post count. Only one of your post wasn't Shmoozing.

Quote from: Achas Veachas on March 12, 2014, 02:06:21 PM

Nothing wrong, posts in JS don't count.

Beat you by :06 sec

ckmk47 · « **Reply #577 on:** March 16, 2014, 09:15:35 PM »

Moved to 'Re: Jokes. Any type goes. Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?' http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.new#new

metziah · « **Reply #578 on:** March 16, 2014, 09:31:14 PM »

"He's like a Jamaican before he gets pissed"

12HRS · « **Reply #579 on:** March 16, 2014, 09:49:46 PM »

Quote from: ckmk47 on March 16, 2014, 09:15:35 PM

Next year's shalach monos theme: 3 R's - recycle, reuse and return. Happy Purim!
When someone gives you a shalach monos, put a sticker on it with the theme written out, and then hand it back to them!
No more spending the night before Purim on preparing shlach monos!

I'm still a bit drunk but i count 3 lines.
this is a one liner thread.
start a thread for best three liners.

lets start a thread for every amount of lines.

next guys response. its called a best jokes thread.

So why do we have a best one liner thread?

cause they are only one line.

hrm i think we need a best three liner thread....

/not sober completely.

blame spell check for bad spelling.