Author Topic: Best one-liners (Read 202257 times)

skyguy918 · « **Reply #640 on:** July 20, 2014, 11:14:19 AM »

Quote from: Freddie on July 18, 2014, 05:25:41 PM

I am very sorry and not trying to be mean but that joke sucks.

If the cat walks into a bar, then that's it, he walked into a bar. The only uncertainty is when he is hidden from being observed.

Not according to the many worlds interpretation of quantam mechanics.

hocker · « **Reply #641 on:** July 20, 2014, 12:53:08 PM »

Non-smokers and non-drinkers don't live longer - it just feels longer!

etech0 · « **Reply #642 on:** July 20, 2014, 02:06:04 PM »

I don't mean to brag or anything, but I just finished this 2 week diet in 3 days and 28 minutes

Super Speed · « **Reply #643 on:** July 20, 2014, 03:31:57 PM »

Quote from: etech0 on July 20, 2014, 02:06:04 PM

I don't mean to brag or anything, but I just finished this 2 week diet in 3 days and 28 minutes

ALOL

icapd1 · « **Reply #644 on:** July 21, 2014, 05:07:45 PM »

Quote from: etech0 on July 20, 2014, 02:06:04 PM

I don't mean to brag or anything, but I just finished this 2 week diet in 3 days and 28 minutes

Reminds of this one:

I don't mean to brag or make anyone jealous, but I still fit into the same earrings I wore in High School.

etech0 · « **Reply #645 on:** July 21, 2014, 06:19:00 PM »

Quote from: icapd1 on July 21, 2014, 05:07:45 PM

Reminds of this one:

I don't mean to brag or make anyone jealous, but I still fit into the same earrings I wore in High School.

icapd1 · « **Reply #646 on:** July 23, 2014, 03:07:06 PM »

Life is like a camera. Just focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don't work out- just take another shot.

Novo · « **Reply #647 on:** July 23, 2014, 05:41:19 PM »

Quote from: icapd1 on July 23, 2014, 03:07:06 PM

Life is like a camera. Just focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don't work out- just take another shot.

Nice

avadah · « **Reply #648 on:** July 24, 2014, 03:00:39 AM »

Quote from: icapd1 on July 23, 2014, 03:07:06 PM

Life is like a camera. Just focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don't work out- just take another shot.

That's what's wrong with the world nowadays. No one develops negatives.

Achas Veachas · « **Reply #649 on:** July 27, 2014, 12:38:09 PM »

I am in an open relationship with my diet.

So now it isn't cheating.

SamKey · « **Reply #650 on:** July 27, 2014, 01:36:14 PM »

Quote from: Achas Veachas on July 27, 2014, 12:38:09 PM

I am in an open relationship with my diet.

So now it isn't cheating.

ROFL!!

Chaikel · « **Reply #651 on:** July 30, 2014, 10:57:52 PM »

RT @Aletta_Haze:
For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.

DovtheBear · « **Reply #652 on:** July 31, 2014, 01:49:32 PM »

All who believe that the world was created by an explosion, are welcome to see how the IDF is building the Gaza Strip.

HT: @lfas25

etech0 · « **Reply #653 on:** July 31, 2014, 08:16:26 PM »

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

Dr Moose · « **Reply #654 on:** July 31, 2014, 09:33:16 PM »

taking pictures with an iPad is the new fanny pack

DovtheBear · « **Reply #655 on:** July 31, 2014, 09:35:48 PM »

Quote from: Dr Moose on July 31, 2014, 09:33:16 PM

taking pictures with an iPad is the new fanny pack

Retweet

DovtheBear · « **Reply #656 on:** August 01, 2014, 04:58:13 AM »

Please take my advice; I don't need it.

Centro · « **Reply #657 on:** August 01, 2014, 02:18:29 PM »

SamKey · « **Reply #658 on:** August 02, 2014, 01:52:06 PM »

Your inspirational statuses are uplifting my stomach content.

They should create an app that makes your cellphone go ''ahhhhhh'' when you plug it in.

HT:@Aletta_Haze

wayfe · « **Reply #659 on:** August 02, 2014, 09:32:23 PM »

"I've got nothing against hard work, particularly when it's done quietly and unobtrusively by someone else."