Author Topic: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial  (Read 119562 times)

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #300 on: August 25, 2013, 07:57:46 PM »
Do you want to really appreciate the gifts that your children are?

Talk to anyone who has R'L lost a child. You'll stop complaining very quickly......

This weekend's story was from the most awful I've ever seen (Also happened to one of the nicest families that I know)

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/General+News/182929/Tragedy-In-Cedarhurst%3A-Tragic-Petira-Of-10-Year-Old-Aaron-Tepfer-Z%22L.html
No need to send people on guilt trips, people can appreciate their children and at the same time feel overwhelmed by the hard (yes hard) work, the 2 feelings are NOT mutually exclusive. No need to send someone on a guilt trip just because he felt a need to vent a little.

Offline Side incomer

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #301 on: August 25, 2013, 08:00:48 PM »
He is not sending anyone on a guilt trip.

He is just trying to explain that when one child misses we can start to learn the true love and beauty of when they are here.
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Offline damaxer91

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #302 on: August 25, 2013, 08:02:16 PM »
No need to send people on guilt trips, people can appreciate their children and at the same time feel overwhelmed by the hard (yes hard) work, the 2 feelings are NOT mutually exclusive. No need to send someone on a guilt trip just because he felt a need to vent a little.

Some people here are doing more than a "little venting".

Trust me that nobody who went to that Levaya today is going to complain about their kids crying at 3 AM this week......

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #303 on: August 25, 2013, 08:39:55 PM »
Some people here are doing more than a "little venting".

If you think THIS is venting, you should see what goes on in the woman's forums :P

Offline dirah

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #304 on: August 25, 2013, 08:46:41 PM »
If you think THIS is venting, you should see what goes on in the woman's forums :P
They are talking about their husband's, not their kids.

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #305 on: August 25, 2013, 08:52:04 PM »
yehuda S now writing for HuffPo ;)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-julianelle/10-ways-living-with-a-toddler-is-like-being-in-prison_b_3726549.html
Shocking how someone takes something so beautiful and twist it into something so negative.


Offline Dan

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #306 on: August 25, 2013, 09:01:58 PM »
I love my son more than words can describe but a little tongue-in-cheek humor never hurt anyone.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #307 on: August 25, 2013, 09:10:39 PM »
I love my son more than words can describe but a little tongue-in-cheek humor never hurt anyone.
Oh, I didnt read the whole article, didnt realize it was supposed to be humorous ;)

Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #308 on: August 25, 2013, 11:05:15 PM »
yehuda S now writing for HuffPo ;)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-julianelle/10-ways-living-with-a-toddler-is-like-being-in-prison_b_3726549.html

I wish.

I thought the least I could hope for is getting a trip report on the front page of DansDeals but I guess it wasn't to be.  :'(
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Offline YankyDoodle

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #310 on: August 27, 2013, 02:27:38 AM »
I just saw this thread today for the first time.  I want to address the stress of having young children.

I'm 51 and have 8 children, ka"h, 3 married.  My first 5 children were born in just over 7 years. 
When my first was born, I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all.  I would not be 'free' for at least 20 years, and then only if I had no more!  30 years later, my youngest is 10 and I still have an unconscious awareness of where each of my children (that live at home) is.

Day to day, young children are tiring.  It's continuous - there's no escaping it. (except when they're asleep)  I loved  "10 Ways Living With a Toddler Is Like Being in Prison"

It helped that I worked only part time (I was out only a few hours a day, 4 days a week).

advice:

The parents should work as a team.  They don't have to share the jobs equally, but they should share the concerns and plans. 
for example, "She's crying so much tonight, I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow."  The response is, "If you're not sure she's well get her checked out."  NOT "You keep taking her in to be checked.  There's nothing wrong with her."  In other words, the communication and encouragement that goes into a good marriage is what helps with good parenting.

Get/ have support from family and friends. I mean emotional.
for example, I periodically went to my parents for Shabbos:  No cooking and help with the kids over the day.  A different environment for the kids was new and stimulating, so they often needed me less anyway.
I'd spend time with my sisters or good friend.  The kids would play together and we'd have each other for company.

Hang out with friends in your situation.  I found that talking to other parents of newborns and young children was like a support group.  We complained, sympathized and gave advice.

Go to parenting class; read parenting books.  It opens your eyes to your interactions with your children and gives you tools you may not have grown up with.

Also, know that children grow up and out of each stage.  Although it seems like it will never happen, you just need to hang in there.
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Offline Jkhein

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #311 on: August 27, 2013, 04:58:58 AM »
I just saw this thread today for the first time.  I want to address the stress of having young children.

I'm 51 and have 8 children, ka"h, 3 married.  My first 5 children were born in just over 7 years. 
When my first was born, I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all.  I would not be 'free' for at least 20 years, and then only if I had no more!  30 years later, my youngest is 10 and I still have an unconscious awareness of where each of my children (that live at home) is.

Day to day, young children are tiring.  It's continuous - there's no escaping it. (except when they're asleep)  I loved  "10 Ways Living With a Toddler Is Like Being in Prison"

It helped that I worked only part time (I was out only a few hours a day, 4 days a week).

advice:

The parents should work as a team.  They don't have to share the jobs equally, but they should share the concerns and plans. 
for example, "She's crying so much tonight, I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow."  The response is, "If you're not sure she's well get her checked out."  NOT "You keep taking her in to be checked.  There's nothing wrong with her."  In other words, the communication and encouragement that goes into a good marriage is what helps with good parenting.

Get/ have support from family and friends. I mean emotional.
for example, I periodically went to my parents for Shabbos:  No cooking and help with the kids over the day.  A different environment for the kids was new and stimulating, so they often needed me less anyway.
I'd spend time with my sisters or good friend.  The kids would play together and we'd have each other for company.

Hang out with friends in your situation.  I found that talking to other parents of newborns and young children was like a support group.  We complained, sympathized and gave advice.

Go to parenting class; read parenting books.  It opens your eyes to your interactions with your children and gives you tools you may not have grown up with.

Also, know that children grow up and out of each stage.  Although it seems like it will never happen, you just need to hang in there.
Kol hakavode! finally someone talking to the OP other than just bashing!

Offline zale

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #312 on: September 02, 2013, 04:08:20 AM »
I just saw this thread today for the first time.  I want to address the stress of having young children.

I'm 51 and have 8 children, ka"h, 3 married.  My first 5 children were born in just over 7 years. 
When my first was born, I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all.  I would not be 'free' for at least 20 years, and then only if I had no more!  30 years later, my youngest is 10 and I still have an unconscious awareness of where each of my children (that live at home) is.

Day to day, young children are tiring.  It's continuous - there's no escaping it. (except when they're asleep)  I loved  "10 Ways Living With a Toddler Is Like Being in Prison"

It helped that I worked only part time (I was out only a few hours a day, 4 days a week).

advice:

The parents should work as a team.  They don't have to share the jobs equally, but they should share the concerns and plans. 
for example, "She's crying so much tonight, I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow."  The response is, "If you're not sure she's well get her checked out."  NOT "You keep taking her in to be checked.  There's nothing wrong with her."  In other words, the communication and encouragement that goes into a good marriage is what helps with good parenting.

Get/ have support from family and friends. I mean emotional.
for example, I periodically went to my parents for Shabbos:  No cooking and help with the kids over the day.  A different environment for the kids was new and stimulating, so they often needed me less anyway.
I'd spend time with my sisters or good friend.  The kids would play together and we'd have each other for company.

Hang out with friends in your situation.  I found that talking to other parents of newborns and young children was like a support group.  We complained, sympathized and gave advice.

Go to parenting class; read parenting books.  It opens your eyes to your interactions with your children and gives you tools you may not have grown up with.

Also, know that children grow up and out of each stage.  Although it seems like it will never happen, you just need to hang in there.

I commend your post, and there is good advice in there (nothing beats actual experience).

However, I would delve a bit deeper to get to the root of the "problem".

I think that many parents find their children to be "hard" because the parents don't find dealing with their children to be a mission in and of itself. Today, parents just want to distract their children as much as possible, so that the parents can do their own thing. Let's face it, we just want to get our kids into bed so that we can get time for ourselves.

Years ago, this was not an issue. The stay at home parent (usually the mom) fully accepted taking care of their children to be a mission in and of itself, and did it the same way you would do any job that you were dedicated to (and much more..).

What happened over the years is two things:

1. Society basically convinced young people that parenting is boring and not accomplishing anything. It's far better to go out into the world and "do something" with your life.

Now, even though Frum people supposedly "don't buy into this", it still had and continues to have a powerful affect on young Frum couples. These couples have children, as that is what is expected, but they don't fully believe that investing every minute with the children is an accomplishment. They therefore find having children extremely difficult. When you have to spend your whole day taking care of your kids and running after them instead of doing what YOU want to do, NO KIDDING it is hard!

Women are told today that being a stay at home mom is basically being a loser and a slave. Idiots like Sheryl Sandberg basically make women feel stupid for wanting to spend their life taking care of their children. As a result, women who are by nature very nurturing and kind begin feeling miserable after having children. They feel trapped and unhappy. How should they not feel like they are "in jail" when their child basically ties up their whole day!

2. There are too many distractions today. For some reason, couples are finding that they need to take more and more vacations in order to keep the peace in the home. Parents used to take vacations for the kids benefit, today, it's for their own benefit. So if the kids are fussy along the way, it "ruined" their vacation. (Ironic isn't it? How could the children ruin YOUR vacation if it was all about them?)

If you are feeling that your children are difficult, ask yourself if it is really because they are truly difficult, or because you want to get back to what you want to do, and they are simply getting in the way.

Offline smee123

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #313 on: September 02, 2013, 07:23:17 AM »
@Zale  +1, well said.

Offline CountValentine

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #314 on: September 02, 2013, 08:05:45 AM »
@Zale  +1, well said.
Having children at a young age is a big part of what makes it hard. 
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Offline churnbabychurn

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #315 on: September 02, 2013, 08:09:47 AM »

Offline SamKey

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #316 on: September 02, 2013, 08:11:15 AM »
Having children at a young age is a big part of what makes it hard.
Aren't most people more tolerant when they are younger?

Offline smee123

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #317 on: September 02, 2013, 08:12:48 AM »
Having children at a young age is a big part of what makes it hard.
Because young people aren't mature? Or because they like to run around without worrying about kids?

Offline real-brisker

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #318 on: September 02, 2013, 08:23:36 AM »
Or, cause kids are more scared of old men with white hair.

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #319 on: September 02, 2013, 08:28:18 AM »
Aren't most people more tolerant when they are younger?
To a baby crying, I would say no.
Because young people aren't mature? Or because they like to run around without worrying about kids?
Mostly the first one. If they were more mature that would take care of the second part most of the time.
Or, cause kids are more scared of old men with white hair.
...and here I thought it was the beard they were scared of.  :P
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