The truth about children - Warning: Controversial

[sky121]

@Yehuda s
Are you having such a hard time that you can't even enjoy the good moments?
        It seems like you are. And if so that would be a shame. Obviously children aren't returnable so you're best off working through the feelings that having children caused you to have and adjusting life accordingly.
       
     Have you spoken to others about it?

[Achas Veachas]

[yehuda S]

@Yehuda s
Are you having such a hard time that you can't even enjoy the good moments?
        It seems like you are. And if so that would be a shame. Obviously children aren't returnable so you're best off working through the feelings that having children caused you to have and adjusting life accordingly.
       
     Have you spoken to others about it?

I've mentioned it to others, even professional therapists! Mostly they stare at me blankly and confused before saying stuff like 'but they are so yummy and nachasdik'. It's actually quite funny.

[yehuda S]

Ok, il play your side. 
Many men are not cut out to deal with crying, dirty and hungry children. You obviously are one of these guys, it does not necessarily mean you're a bad father. Its very normal, its the world that has gone mad! Since when does a real man change a diaper?!
Of course you are miserable. In some families, the mother must stay home and single handedly manage the children and the father must man up, go out and bring back the cash. He only touches happy, clean children and even that only on the weekends.

Actually to give some background, my wife is in school day and night so I am Tatty, Mommy, full time earner, diaper changer, morning clothes dresser, breakfast feeder, brown bag luncher, (for Mommy too) ponytail-maker, supper cooker, bather, pajama dresser, tantrum consoler, bedtime story teller, full time house keeper, laundry do-er, (night Seder chavrusa), among others.

;-)

[Dan]

The bottom line is that having children is hard. We do it because it's worth it. We deal with all the sleepless nights and the giving up of ourselves because at the end of the day we are gaining as well. 

Trying to place an even exchange of a kiss for a sleepless night is just silly.

Dan was just giving an example of one of the moments in life that reminds us why we have children. Moments that are filled with nothing but joy. Is every moment like that? No. 

Some people will definitely have a harder time having children than others. And like we've discussed before no one really knows what they are getting themselves into. Some more than others.

I think it's great Yehuda S didn't feel bad to start such a thread because having kids IS hard and people shouldn't feel bad to talk about the hard parts as well.

And maybe he's having a harder time than others, and maybe it hit him like a ton of bricks more than others. Everyone is different. Each situation is different. So is life.

@Yehuda s
Are you having such a hard time that you can't even enjoy the good moments?
        It seems like you are. And if so that would be a shame. Obviously children aren't returnable so you're best off working through the feelings that having children caused you to have and adjusting life accordingly.
       
     Have you spoken to others about it?

Very well said.
I struggle mightily with child-rearing, so I can appreciate yehuda's mindset. I'm truly lucky to have a wife who's incredible at it and doesn't mind that role.
And anyone who didn't have a colicky child can't relate to months of trauma.

But it's moments like that where I can take a step back and see how rewarding it can all be and how rewarding it will be to continue to see my children grow and give me nachas.

Nothing so rewarding comes without any pain.

[sky121]

I've mentioned it to others, even professional therapists! Mostly they stare at me blankly and confused before saying stuff like 'but they are so yummy and nachasdik'. It's actually quite funny.

Then you're clearly not talking to the right people.

[sky121]

Actually to give some background, my wife is in school day and night so I am Tatty, Mommy, full time earner, diaper changer, morning clothes dresser, breakfast feeder, brown bag luncher, (for Mommy too) ponytail-maker, supper cooker, bather, pajama dresser, tantrum consoler, bedtime story teller, full time house keeper, laundry do-er, (night Seder chavrusa), among others.

;-)

Wow. That sounds intense. It can be hard enough just being the Tatty....
           

[george]

I've mentioned it to others, even professional therapists! Mostly they stare at me blankly and confused before saying stuff like 'but they are so yummy and nachasdik'. It's actually quite funny.

Quite funny, but on a deeper level it's quite sad that those are the types of professional therapists that are serving people in our community.
Believe it or not, there are some extremely competent, seriously helpful therapists out there. They are just not as abundant as the ones you describe. There are even organizations devoted to finding the best therapist for a given situation. For more details,  feel free to PM me.

[yehuda S]

Wow. That sounds intense. It can be hard enough just being the Tatty....
           

Thanks, it's been that way for a few years but definitely easier since I graduated.

[yehuda S]

@Yehuda s
Are you having such a hard time that you can't even enjoy the good moments?
        It seems like you are.

I am definitely enjoying the good moments, thanks. And there are a lot B"H.

[sky121]

I am definitely enjoying the good moments, thanks. And there are a lot B"H.

Glad to hear it.

[yehuda S]

Glad to hear it.

Oh yeah, there's the hours at night when she's sleeping, the time when she's at school and of course when the wife comes home and takes over... JUST KIDDING :-p

[sky121]

Oh yeah, there's the hours at night when she's sleeping, the time when she's at school and of course when the wife comes home and takes over... JUST KIDDING :-p

But only sort of, right?

[CountValentine]

Actually to give some background, my wife is in school day and night so I am Tatty, Mommy, full time earner, diaper changer, morning clothes dresser, breakfast feeder, brown bag luncher, (for Mommy too) ponytail-maker, supper cooker, bather, pajama dresser, tantrum consoler, bedtime story teller, full time house keeper, laundry do-er, (night Seder chavrusa), among others.

;-)

This should have been in your first post. Any close family members that can help you out. It just seems you are overwhelmed.

[yehuda S]

But only sort of, right?

You said it, not me.

[Moshe123]

Actually to give some background, my wife is in school day and night so I am Tatty, Mommy, full time earner, diaper changer, morning clothes dresser, breakfast feeder, brown bag luncher, (for Mommy too) ponytail-maker, supper cooker, bather, pajama dresser, tantrum consoler, bedtime story teller, full time house keeper, laundry do-er, (night Seder chavrusa), among others.

;-)

Now you're talking. There is a different issue here. Maybe your wife doesn't belong in school. My wife says the same about me.... lol

[good sam]

Actually to give some background, my wife is in school day and night so I am Tatty, Mommy, full time earner, diaper changer, morning clothes dresser, breakfast feeder, brown bag luncher, (for Mommy too) ponytail-maker, supper cooker, bather, pajama dresser, tantrum consoler, bedtime story teller, full time house keeper, laundry do-er, (night Seder chavrusa), among others.

;-)

Intense.  Sorry for sounding rough earlier.  BTW- you are your kids' night seder chavrusa? Impressive!

[yehuda S]

This should have been in your first post. Any close family members that can help you out. It just seems you are overwhelmed.

Thanks but I wrote that post a long time ago. I think at the time my wife was leaving at 7:00 AM and coming home at 11:00 pm.

Things are a bit easier these days - can't wait for her graduation.

And family did help out. Lots of kudos if they are reading this. (Hope they aren't though).

[sky121]

Now you're talking. There is a different issue here. Maybe your wife doesn't belong in school. My wife says the same about me.... lol

It's hard now a days with both parents working and being out of the house. It's definitely much nicer having one parent at home. Makes a calmer house for sure.

[yehuda S]

Now you're talking. There is a different issue here. Maybe your wife doesn't belong in school. My wife says the same about me.... lol

Nah she's doing great. Can't wait for graduation though!