Author Topic: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial  (Read 60204 times)

Online Mordyk

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #630 on: February 12, 2015, 08:21:59 AM »
One major thing i have learned since i have children is that you cant always exactly control your kids.  I always looked at my sister that she cant control her kids because her son is so wild and takes toys away from kids.  My daughter is now almost two and does the same sometimes. We do try to somewhat  discipline her when she does that.   We really explain to her how its not right but as a girl that stay home the whole day and plays with her own toys she is not that used to sharing. kids are born with characteristics that takes a long time to shape. Dont always judge the parents on a childs behavior

Offline benjie1305

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #631 on: February 12, 2015, 08:40:33 AM »
One major thing i have learned since i have children is that you cant always exactly control your kids.  I always looked at my sister that she cant control her kids because her son is so wild and takes toys away from kids.  My daughter is now almost two and does the same sometimes. We do try to somewhat  discipline her when she does that.   We really explain to her how its not right but as a girl that stay home the whole day and plays with her own toys she is not that used to sharing. kids are born with characteristics that takes a long time to shape. Dont always judge the parents on a childs behavior

Lol! I think its hilarious when we all have play dates or Shabbes meals and 2 kids are misbehaving in that fashion.

Parent A to his kid: " Share the toys, its not nice to take them"
Parent B to Parent A: " No, no, no. They need to learn how to share. Your kid should play with them"

A vicious cycle that never ends ..  :D
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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #632 on: February 12, 2015, 08:51:29 AM »
Agreed. I don't try to exercise control whenever I can. She learns her own lessons and makes her own decisions. I only intervene when it has to be or to teach a more long term lesson that I deem important.

My question was more along the lines of what strategy ppl use to do that (rather then when or for what) as this new one I tried worked but left me with a bit of a wrong gut feeling.
Ok fair enough, except I would think that t when it comes to teaching the long term lessons is when i would be most inclined to not use this tactics as they divert from the actually lesson. It's these lessons that I want my children to comprehend, internalize and ultimately decide how and when to implement. 

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #633 on: February 12, 2015, 09:00:10 AM »
One major thing i have learned since i have children is that you cant always exactly control your kids.  I always looked at my sister that she cant control her kids because her son is so wild and takes toys away from kids.  My daughter is now almost two and does the same sometimes. We do try to somewhat  discipline her when she does that.   We really explain to her how its not right but as a girl that stay home the whole day and plays with her own toys she is not that used to sharing. kids are born with characteristics that takes a long time to shape. Dont always judge the parents on a childs behavior
+1 I hate to say it because I feel like my mom but you can't understand  until you have your own children.

Offline benjie1305

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #634 on: February 12, 2015, 09:14:49 AM »
Ok fair enough, except I would think that t when it comes to teaching the long term lessons is when i would be most inclined to not use this tactics as they divert from the actually lesson. It's these lessons that I want my children to comprehend, internalize and ultimately decide how and when to implement.

Yes. Thus me trying to find a better way of doing it. Even after short term success, I am not happy with the method and am looking for better ways of giving over the lessons.
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Offline JoeCha

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #635 on: February 12, 2015, 09:25:44 AM »
I know I'm probably gonna be on an island here but are you bothered by the fact that you are using This trick getting her to do what you want; essentially controlling her.
So what do you do when your kid doesn't want to go to bed and it's almost midnight?
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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #636 on: February 12, 2015, 09:42:11 AM »
So what do you do when your kid doesn't want to go to bed and it's almost midnight?
Explain that it's very late and she will be very tired tomorrow at school if she doesn't go to sleep now. It works all the time......


Jk/I wish

The real answer is, As i said above, there are plenty If Times that I do these tactics but my perspective on parenting is to limit this as much As possible. Even with that I probably spend a good portion of my parenting time "controlling" my kids.


Offline ckmk47

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #637 on: February 12, 2015, 09:56:26 AM »
So what do you do when your kid doesn't want to go to bed and it's almost midnight?
Sometimes we have to go back to our parents/ grandparents method of "Do it because I said so!"  Many things cannot be explained and reasoned with a small child. And crying IS allowed - not preferred, but not to be feared by parents, either.

Offline benjie1305

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #638 on: February 12, 2015, 09:58:04 AM »
Sometimes we have to go back to our parents/ grandparents method of "Do it because I said so!"  Many things cannot be explained and reasoned with a small child. And crying IS allowed - not preferred, but not to be feared by parents, either.

Agreed. In the instance of going to bed though I don't know if crying works. At least for nap time it never worked on my end. It would just work her up too much and would end very bad. Thank G-d my daughter was always amazing about going to bed at night :)
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Offline stbaum

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #639 on: February 12, 2015, 10:29:26 AM »
with my 3 year old i make little competitions. for example after storytime on the couch i get up and tell her "i'm so lucky that today i'm going to be the one to turn out the light in your room" she screams NO! and runs to turn it off... it's a cakewalk from there to get her to bed. if she starts acting up during the day and i want her to color or something i tell her "lets see who can color the nicest". these usually work and i don't feel bad for 'tricking' her.
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Offline benjie1305

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #640 on: February 12, 2015, 10:33:20 AM »
with my 3 year old i make little competitions. for example after storytime on the couch i get up and tell her "i'm so lucky that today i'm going to be the one to turn out the light in your room" she screams NO! and runs to turn it off... it's a cakewalk from there to get her to bed. if she starts acting up during the day and i want her to color or something i tell her "lets see who can color the nicest". these usually work and i don't feel bad for 'tricking' her.

Agreed. Only problem: Now you need to color with her and dont get a break :)

Which is why I now have 2. That is how I solve problems :P. Hope he grows up fast so they can entertain each other. lol.
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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #641 on: February 12, 2015, 10:35:16 AM »
with my 3 year old i make little competitions. for example after storytime on the couch i get up and tell her "i'm so lucky that today i'm going to be the one to turn out the light in your room" she screams NO! and runs to turn it off... it's a cakewalk from there to get her to bed. if she starts acting up during the day and i want her to color or something i tell her "lets see who can color the nicest". these usually work and i don't feel bad for 'tricking' her.
i give my daughter choices. i ask if she wants to kiss the mezuza first or say shema first, and we get to cover both :D

Offline stbaum

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #642 on: February 12, 2015, 10:39:34 AM »
i give my daughter choices. i ask if she wants to kiss the mezuza first or say shema first, and we get to cover both :D
ye, i do that in the mornings. do you want to get dressed first or eat breakfast? whatever works :)
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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #643 on: February 12, 2015, 10:42:24 AM »
Agreed. Only problem: Now you need to color with her and dont get a break :)

Which is why I now have 2. That is how I solve problems . Hope he grows up fast so they can entertain each other. lol.
Lol but 2 only make things more difficult. I can only speak for the first year+ but when I'm flying solo i find it very difficult to entertain both. They're on such different levels.

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #644 on: February 12, 2015, 10:43:24 AM »
ye, i do that in the mornings. do you want to get dressed first or eat breakfast? whatever works :)
Tried that but usually the Answer is "neither i want to play first"