Author Topic: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial  (Read 51035 times)

Offline stbaum

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #660 on: February 12, 2015, 11:44:01 AM »
Too many comments for me to address them all, but I have a few general comments to add to this discussion.

It seems to me that as parents, there will always be a balance between doing things in the way you feel will have the absolute best 'chinuch' effect on them, and doing things in whatever way solves the issue the quickest/easiest. If you can always do it the best/chinuch way, good for you, your children will probably be better off for it. But unless you're always doing it the quickest/easiest way, don't beat yourself up about it, you're not permanently damaging your child or anything. Sometimes we have to make choices between wasting an hour that we don't have to spare trying to get a child to do something, and figuring out a quick trick, that may not be the absolute best method of parenting, to get them to do it quickly. I hope that makes sense to people.

As far as the actual methods, you have to find what works for each child at any particular time. Every child will be different, and each child changes over time in this regard (very rapidly I might add).

+1
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Offline benjie1305

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #661 on: February 12, 2015, 11:52:48 AM »
Too many comments for me to address them all, but I have a few general comments to add to this discussion.

It seems to me that as parents, there will always be a balance between doing things in the way you feel will have the absolute best 'chinuch' effect on them, and doing things in whatever way solves the issue the quickest/easiest. If you can always do it the best/chinuch way, good for you, your children will probably be better off for it. But unless you're always doing it the quickest/easiest way, don't beat yourself up about it, you're not permanently damaging your child or anything. Sometimes we have to make choices between wasting an hour that we don't have to spare trying to get a child to do something, and figuring out a quick trick, that may not be the absolute best method of parenting, to get them to do it quickly. I hope that makes sense to people.

As far as the actual methods, you have to find what works for each child at any particular time. Every child will be different, and each child changes over time in this regard (very rapidly I might add).

Agreed. I was just looking for ways to better do the quickest/easiest :)
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Offline YankyDoodle

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #662 on: February 12, 2015, 12:56:50 PM »
Agreed. I was just looking for ways to better do the quickest/easiest :)
Operant conditioning; it's old-school but reward vs punishment works really well for many. A sticker chart or something to that effect as a reward for listening right away (having prizes in a dedicated prize drawer that they can see and pick from when they complete the chart is helpful in making in more tangible). For punishment it can be a variety of things and to each their own. Personally we try to avoid punishment by implying that the punishment is that she won't get her sticker (in effect just not getting the reward), this may or may not work depending on the stubbornness and temperament of the child. Punishment can be not getting video time, only one book at bedtime etc are reasonable as well.

If used correctly it can be very effective. The one problem that studies have found with this method is that when the reward/punishments stop being consistent (when kid is older for example) the habits may dissipate with them. This can be alleviated by keeping it a little more random (they don't necessarily get a reward every time and sometimes they get a reward when they are not expecting it). This removes the tit-for-tat mentality of the good behavior and creates more of a positive mindset without always expecting a reward.

Offline benjie1305

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #663 on: February 12, 2015, 12:58:29 PM »
Operant conditioning; it's old-school but reward vs punishment works really well for many. A sticker chart or something to that effect as a reward for listening right away (having prizes in a dedicated prize drawer that they can see and pick from when they complete the chart is helpful in making in more tangible). For punishment it can be a variety of things and to each their own. Personally we try to avoid punishment by implying that the punishment is that she won't get her sticker (in effect just not getting the reward), this may or may not work depending on the stubbornness and temperament of the child. Punishment can be not getting video time, only one book at bedtime etc are reasonable as well.

Is how we originally trained her to go on the potty which is flawless for a long time already AND how I got her to eat some Salmon and veggies she never had before :)
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Offline YankyDoodle

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #664 on: February 12, 2015, 12:59:53 PM »
Is how we originally trained her to go on the potty which is flawless for a long time already AND how I got her to eat some Salmon and veggies she never had before :)
Yup, oldie-but-goodie.

Offline killamatic12

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #665 on: February 19, 2015, 01:26:18 PM »
Reading through this WHOLE thread was like watching a soap opera; there's a common problem that could be dealt with and one guy does (or in this case "says") something not normal and in the end everyone understand that his case was an unusual one and they lived happily ever after.

Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #666 on: February 23, 2015, 06:22:38 PM »
Curiosity made the cat smarter.

Offline stbaum

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Offline good sam

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #668 on: February 25, 2015, 11:19:30 AM »
Why a duck?
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline benjie1305

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #669 on: February 26, 2015, 10:49:00 AM »
Work hard, Play harder!

Offline Moshe123

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #670 on: December 24, 2015, 07:06:38 PM »
Bump

Offline lunatic

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #671 on: December 24, 2015, 07:08:23 PM »

Offline Moshe123

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #672 on: February 14, 2017, 05:13:08 PM »
Bump

Yeah. Why not.

OP stopped posting, likely because he was attacked a lot, but he still lurks.

Let's hear from him how it is after this amount of time has passed.