Author Topic: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial  (Read 74655 times)

Offline hocker

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #20 on: January 03, 2013, 07:34:01 PM »
Who was the נביא who didn't want to have kids because of inhertided disabilities?
Chizkyahu.
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Offline HelpMe

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #21 on: January 03, 2013, 07:35:12 PM »
Which side is that? It is probably because you have a different background than most members. (A non cynical answer is very rare for me)
I don't think kids are a problem.
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Offline Dan

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #22 on: January 03, 2013, 07:35:46 PM »
I don't think kids are a problem.
How old were you when you got married and when first had kids if you don't mind my asking?
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Offline jj1000

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #23 on: January 03, 2013, 07:37:22 PM »
I don't think kids are a problem.
Got ya. Well I can not have an opinion on this topic as I don't have kids. Do you think your kids were easy to raise? Did you always feel this way or now that they are grown up? Also it probably makes a difference as to how much your wife does verse you do.
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Offline HelpMe

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #24 on: January 03, 2013, 07:38:39 PM »
How old were you when you got married and when first had kids if you don't mind my asking?
I see where you are coming from. I was 31 and first child about 2 years later.
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Offline sky121

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Re: Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #25 on: January 03, 2013, 07:38:57 PM »
Also it probably makes a difference as to how much your wife does verse you do.

+2
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Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #26 on: January 03, 2013, 07:40:47 PM »
Having a wife at home and being financially comfortable also helps a lot.
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Offline Dan

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #27 on: January 03, 2013, 07:47:06 PM »
I see where you are coming from. I was 31 and first child about 2 years later.
Bingo :)

Typical guy on this forum is probably married with kids by 25.
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Offline thaber

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #28 on: January 03, 2013, 07:48:48 PM »
I have a bunch of kids, and had them relatively close together, another due soon be"H.
Its tough, but exponentially gets easier. And then the big kids help out with the small ones.
I will say that we fly quite a bit, and 16 hour flights as well. I don't look forward to it, but I wouldn't call it impossible.
I wouldn't minimize the frustration of the OP, but from a purely gashmius point of view - the Nachas is worth the effort.
Also - Ferberize!! Putting my kids to sleep takes about 2 minutes a piece, including Shema

Offline mmermss

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #29 on: January 03, 2013, 07:49:04 PM »
Bingo :)

Typical guy on this forum is probably married with kids by 25.
+1
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Offline HelpMe

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #30 on: January 03, 2013, 07:54:29 PM »
Got ya. Well I can not have an opinion on this topic as I don't have kids. Do you think your kids were easy to raise? Did you always feel this way or now that they are grown up? Also it probably makes a difference as to how much your wife does verse you do.
I guess easy would be the wrong word. You could say it is a job I enjoyed doing. DW did most of the work when they were younger and now it is the opposite. 
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Offline HelpMe

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #31 on: January 03, 2013, 07:56:51 PM »
Bingo :)

Typical guy on this forum is probably married with kids by 25.
The light bulb went on the minute you asked the question. Age makes a big difference.
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Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #32 on: January 03, 2013, 08:07:59 PM »
Another aspect is mentality. When you're up nights with a colicky baby it's very helpful to know that this is something you thought about and decided to do.

If you are 23 and just did it without thinking because that's what you are supposed to do it makes things much harder.
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Offline WhyAich

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The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #33 on: January 03, 2013, 08:10:53 PM »
Gosh I'm sitting in class now, listening how I have to write up a 10 page research paper on a boring topic. I can write 10 pages on this.... Hope I find the time. I have so much to write
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Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #34 on: January 03, 2013, 08:11:20 PM »
Another aspect is mentality. When you're up nights with a colicky baby it's very helpful to know that this is something you thought about and decided to do.

If you are 23 and just did it without thinking because that's what you are supposed to do it makes things much harder.

Which is also why even though "nothing can prepare you" for having all those nights with a colicky baby, and there isn't much to do to make the situation better it helps to know beforehand what you are getting yourself into and what it's really going to be like.

Obviously you never really know until you're going through it and it will be hard nonetheless but having an idea beforehand should help somewhat.

"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #35 on: January 03, 2013, 08:12:26 PM »
People who have really difficult children are the lucky ones. There are young boys and girls  who have first children with Downs Syndrome. Do you think they are prepared for that?
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Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #36 on: January 03, 2013, 08:16:40 PM »
People who have really difficult children are the lucky ones.

They aren't "lucky" but yes they could appreciate that it could be "worse/harder."

Everyone can always say that. Things can always be worse/harder.

Which is why if you look at people who had kids later on in life after trying for a while they always seem to appreciate it a lot more. Even with all the challenges.

There are young boys and girls  who have first children with Downs Syndrome. Do you think they are prepared for that?

They most def are not prepared for that. No one could be. But you COULD be more prepared and informed of the regular issues and changes that arise from having kids.
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #37 on: January 03, 2013, 08:18:50 PM »
I think there is a lot to be said on the issue of having kids at a young age.  And marriage as well for that matter.  My biggest concern with younger people getting married is them not even having had the time to experience the real want and need of feeling like there is something/someone missing from their lives.

With kids as well. In our circles many have kids so young they haven't even had a moment to have that feeling of wanting kids or feeling them missing from their homes/lives.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2013, 08:25:49 PM by sky121 »
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Offline MosheP

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #38 on: January 03, 2013, 08:29:19 PM »
I'm 25 and married, my daughter is turning 2 tomorrow. Is it hard at times? Absolutely!!! Is it worth all the work, sleepless nights, sleepless flights and restrictions on my life? 100% for sure!!!

I don't say she makes my life miserable, and not only because I don't want to sound ungrateful, or like a bad parent. Because she doesn't. I'm happy to travel less, sleep less, and have restrictions on my life, because I love my daughter, and can't imagine a life without her.

If I had feelings of misery, or trouble coping I would seek professionall counseling or assistance. There is no shame in admitting to yourself or others that you are challenged by raising children. There are so many other high stress things that can be going on, and it's only natural to feel overwhelmed. Health issues, lack of sustenance and financial instability, marital strife, add hardships in child- rearing to any of those and lots of people would be overwhelmed.

Please take my advice, if anyone is feeling oberwhelmed about anything, seek guidance, advice, assistance or counseling from a professional, or someone you trust and are comfortable with. There is no shame, or reason to feel guilty or inadequate.

I will admit that all the props go to my wonderful wife. Without her I would be unable to raise my daughter, and would probably be a huge mess myself. 

Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #39 on: January 03, 2013, 08:32:23 PM »
I'm 25 and married, my daughter is turning 2 tomorrow. Is it hard at times? Absolutely!!! Is it worth all the work, sleepless nights, sleepless flights and restrictions on my life? 100% for sure!!!

I don't say she makes my life miserable, and not only because I don't want to sound ungrateful, or like a bad parent. Because she doesn't. I'm happy to travel less, sleep less, and have restrictions on my life, because I love my daughter, and can't imagine a life without her.

If I had feelings of misery, or trouble coping I would seek professionall counseling or assistance. There is no shame in admitting to yourself or others that you are challenged by raising children. There are so many other high stress things that can be going on, and it's only natural to feel overwhelmed. Health issues, lack of sustenance and financial instability, marital strife, add hardships in child- rearing to any of those and lots of people would be overwhelmed.

Please take my advice, if anyone is feeling oberwhelmed about anything, seek guidance, advice, assistance or counseling from a professional, or someone you trust and are comfortable with. There is no shame, or reason to feel guilty or inadequate.

I will admit that all the props go to my wonderful wife. Without her I would be unable to raise my daughter, and would probably be a huge mess myself.

Happy Birthday lil miss MosheP! Ad 120 Happy and Healthy!
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