Author Topic: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial  (Read 50467 times)

Offline HelpMe

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #30 on: January 03, 2013, 07:54:29 PM »
Got ya. Well I can not have an opinion on this topic as I don't have kids. Do you think your kids were easy to raise? Did you always feel this way or now that they are grown up? Also it probably makes a difference as to how much your wife does verse you do.
I guess easy would be the wrong word. You could say it is a job I enjoyed doing. DW did most of the work when they were younger and now it is the opposite. 
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Offline HelpMe

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #31 on: January 03, 2013, 07:56:51 PM »
Bingo :)

Typical guy on this forum is probably married with kids by 25.
The light bulb went on the minute you asked the question. Age makes a big difference.
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Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #32 on: January 03, 2013, 08:07:59 PM »
Another aspect is mentality. When you're up nights with a colicky baby it's very helpful to know that this is something you thought about and decided to do.

If you are 23 and just did it without thinking because that's what you are supposed to do it makes things much harder.
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Offline WhyAich

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The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #33 on: January 03, 2013, 08:10:53 PM »
Gosh I'm sitting in class now, listening how I have to write up a 10 page research paper on a boring topic. I can write 10 pages on this.... Hope I find the time. I have so much to write
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Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #34 on: January 03, 2013, 08:11:20 PM »
Another aspect is mentality. When you're up nights with a colicky baby it's very helpful to know that this is something you thought about and decided to do.

If you are 23 and just did it without thinking because that's what you are supposed to do it makes things much harder.

Which is also why even though "nothing can prepare you" for having all those nights with a colicky baby, and there isn't much to do to make the situation better it helps to know beforehand what you are getting yourself into and what it's really going to be like.

Obviously you never really know until you're going through it and it will be hard nonetheless but having an idea beforehand should help somewhat.

"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #35 on: January 03, 2013, 08:12:26 PM »
People who have really difficult children are the lucky ones. There are young boys and girls  who have first children with Downs Syndrome. Do you think they are prepared for that?
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Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #36 on: January 03, 2013, 08:16:40 PM »
People who have really difficult children are the lucky ones.

They aren't "lucky" but yes they could appreciate that it could be "worse/harder."

Everyone can always say that. Things can always be worse/harder.

Which is why if you look at people who had kids later on in life after trying for a while they always seem to appreciate it a lot more. Even with all the challenges.

There are young boys and girls  who have first children with Downs Syndrome. Do you think they are prepared for that?

They most def are not prepared for that. No one could be. But you COULD be more prepared and informed of the regular issues and changes that arise from having kids.
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #37 on: January 03, 2013, 08:18:50 PM »
I think there is a lot to be said on the issue of having kids at a young age.  And marriage as well for that matter.  My biggest concern with younger people getting married is them not even having had the time to experience the real want and need of feeling like there is something/someone missing from their lives.

With kids as well. In our circles many have kids so young they haven't even had a moment to have that feeling of wanting kids or feeling them missing from their homes/lives.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2013, 08:25:49 PM by sky121 »
"Not all who wander are lost"

Offline MosheP

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #38 on: January 03, 2013, 08:29:19 PM »
I'm 25 and married, my daughter is turning 2 tomorrow. Is it hard at times? Absolutely!!! Is it worth all the work, sleepless nights, sleepless flights and restrictions on my life? 100% for sure!!!

I don't say she makes my life miserable, and not only because I don't want to sound ungrateful, or like a bad parent. Because she doesn't. I'm happy to travel less, sleep less, and have restrictions on my life, because I love my daughter, and can't imagine a life without her.

If I had feelings of misery, or trouble coping I would seek professionall counseling or assistance. There is no shame in admitting to yourself or others that you are challenged by raising children. There are so many other high stress things that can be going on, and it's only natural to feel overwhelmed. Health issues, lack of sustenance and financial instability, marital strife, add hardships in child- rearing to any of those and lots of people would be overwhelmed.

Please take my advice, if anyone is feeling oberwhelmed about anything, seek guidance, advice, assistance or counseling from a professional, or someone you trust and are comfortable with. There is no shame, or reason to feel guilty or inadequate.

I will admit that all the props go to my wonderful wife. Without her I would be unable to raise my daughter, and would probably be a huge mess myself. 

Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #39 on: January 03, 2013, 08:32:23 PM »
I'm 25 and married, my daughter is turning 2 tomorrow. Is it hard at times? Absolutely!!! Is it worth all the work, sleepless nights, sleepless flights and restrictions on my life? 100% for sure!!!

I don't say she makes my life miserable, and not only because I don't want to sound ungrateful, or like a bad parent. Because she doesn't. I'm happy to travel less, sleep less, and have restrictions on my life, because I love my daughter, and can't imagine a life without her.

If I had feelings of misery, or trouble coping I would seek professionall counseling or assistance. There is no shame in admitting to yourself or others that you are challenged by raising children. There are so many other high stress things that can be going on, and it's only natural to feel overwhelmed. Health issues, lack of sustenance and financial instability, marital strife, add hardships in child- rearing to any of those and lots of people would be overwhelmed.

Please take my advice, if anyone is feeling oberwhelmed about anything, seek guidance, advice, assistance or counseling from a professional, or someone you trust and are comfortable with. There is no shame, or reason to feel guilty or inadequate.

I will admit that all the props go to my wonderful wife. Without her I would be unable to raise my daughter, and would probably be a huge mess myself.

Happy Birthday lil miss MosheP! Ad 120 Happy and Healthy!
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Offline Dan

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #40 on: January 03, 2013, 08:34:55 PM »
I'm 25 and married, my daughter is turning 2 tomorrow. Is it hard at times? Absolutely!!! Is it worth all the work, sleepless nights, sleepless flights and restrictions on my life? 100% for sure!!!

I don't say she makes my life miserable, and not only because I don't want to sound ungrateful, or like a bad parent. Because she doesn't. I'm happy to travel less, sleep less, and have restrictions on my life, because I love my daughter, and can't imagine a life without her.

If I had feelings of misery, or trouble coping I would seek professionall counseling or assistance. There is no shame in admitting to yourself or others that you are challenged by raising children. There are so many other high stress things that can be going on, and it's only natural to feel overwhelmed. Health issues, lack of sustenance and financial instability, marital strife, add hardships in child- rearing to any of those and lots of people would be overwhelmed.

Please take my advice, if anyone is feeling oberwhelmed about anything, seek guidance, advice, assistance or counseling from a professional, or someone you trust and are comfortable with. There is no shame, or reason to feel guilty or inadequate.

I will admit that all the props go to my wonderful wife. Without her I would be unable to raise my daughter, and would probably be a huge mess myself. 
Well said.
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Offline Achas Veachas

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #41 on: January 03, 2013, 08:45:28 PM »
Which is also why even though "nothing can prepare you" for having all those nights with a colicky baby, and there isn't much to do to make the situation better it helps to know beforehand what you are getting yourself into and what it's really going to be like.

Obviously you never really know until you're going through it and it will be hard nonetheless but having an idea beforehand should help somewhat.


+100
Kids aren't the issue, its unreal expectations. Many young people expect that parenthood will be angelic cherub from a Pampers commercial (funny that they never show the actual changing of a diaper). My wife and I are both the oldest of pretty large families and both knew first hand what child rearing is and what it isn't. But then I have many friends who are totally overwhelmed and the #1 complaint i hear is "No 0ne told me it would be this hard".
Yes child rearing is hard, and yes child rearing is rewarding. Like anything in life; "No pain, No gain", and like almost everything the greater the pain the greater the gain (לפום צערא אגרא). Just be prepared, and know it wont be smooth sailing all  the way, but the sunset at the end (and during) is definitely worth it.
Curiosity made the cat smarter.

Offline MarkS

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #42 on: January 03, 2013, 08:55:49 PM »
Exactly. How many people here had some kind of chassan/kallah class before getting married?
Now, how many had a children/chinuch class before having children?
+1.

Think about it - to become a lawyer you need a degree and the Bar exam, to become an accountant you need a degree and the CPA exam, to become a doctor  etc etc.

Yet to become a parent - One of the hardest most complex jobs out there- anyone can have a baby.  It's scary when you think about how ill equipped many people are to be a controlling figure with a huge impact on a child's life without any training...


Offline meshugener

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #43 on: January 03, 2013, 09:44:03 PM »
I'm 25 and married, my daughter is turning 2 tomorrow. Is it hard at times? Absolutely!!! Is it worth all the work, sleepless nights, sleepless flights and restrictions on my life? 100% for sure!!!

I don't say she makes my life miserable, and not only because I don't want to sound ungrateful, or like a bad parent. Because she doesn't. I'm happy to travel less, sleep less, and have restrictions on my life, because I love my daughter, and can't imagine a life without her.

If I had feelings of misery, or trouble coping I would seek professionall counseling or assistance. There is no shame in admitting to yourself or others that you are challenged by raising children. There are so many other high stress things that can be going on, and it's only natural to feel overwhelmed. Health issues, lack of sustenance and financial instability, marital strife, add hardships in child- rearing to any of those and lots of people would be overwhelmed.

Please take my advice, if anyone is feeling oberwhelmed about anything, seek guidance, advice, assistance or counseling from a professional, or someone you trust and are comfortable with. There is no shame, or reason to feel guilty or inadequate.

I will admit that all the props go to my wonderful wife. Without her I would be unable to raise my daughter, and would probably be a huge mess myself.
+1000
Overwhelming? Yes.
Stressful? No.
I'm very very young, my daughter is 18 months, but the love for your own children (and with work shared with your life-partner) its so enjoyable and thus feels so easy.
No, she wasn't colicky, B"H, so I can't speak for such parents, but had the usual health and other issues 90% parents are experiencing.
Its all about your love and feelings.
Love me or hate me. I still love you.

Offline Dan

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #44 on: January 03, 2013, 09:53:17 PM »
Stressful? No.
Sorry but it's rude to say point blank that parenting isn't stressful.
Ever kid presents their own set of challenges. Count your blessings that yours wasn't stressful.
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