Author Topic: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial  (Read 49115 times)

Offline churnbabychurn

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 7128
  • Total likes: 262
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #90 on: January 04, 2013, 01:15:34 AM »
Jewish education taught you how to be a good father and share responsibilities with your spouse?
They sure tried.. ;) There is definitely room to improve in the teaching of good midos in our schools. A proper perspective on life and decent bein odom lechaveiro traits are vital ingredients to a good marriage with young kids. These are part of the curriculum no? I do recommend chinuch classes though, but these are for bigger kids not babies.

Offline robi

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2009
  • Posts: 1620
  • Total likes: 0
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #91 on: January 04, 2013, 01:16:08 AM »
Care to expound?
I was disagreeing with the first part. He basically challenges you to ask yourself why you want to get married, if you realize  that marriage is not just Lala land, and that even if you think you're ready for marriage, are you ready for children? Do you know your responsible for their chinuch? Do you know they can and will be hard? Etc...
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I'm not"

Offline churnbabychurn

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 7128
  • Total likes: 262
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #92 on: January 04, 2013, 01:19:33 AM »
Uh most people view death as the ultimate suffering. So why would they want to exchange pain for super pain? If people were absolutely certain of a happier life after death I think a lot of them would be lining up. As it is there are lots of suicides.
Gosh..So many things wrong with this one.
I hope you get through your hardships though

Online moko

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 2380
  • Total likes: 68
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #93 on: January 04, 2013, 01:22:42 AM »
They sure tried.. ;) There is definitely room to improve in the teaching of good midos in our schools. A proper perspective on life and decent bein odom lechaveiro traits are vital ingredients to a good marriage with young kids. These are part of the curriculum no? I do recommend chinuch classes though, but these are for bigger kids not babies.
there are chinuch classes for babies/toddlers too.
One of the things in follow up was when to discipline a baby/toddler and what to be mechanech them in
in regards infants a lot of it is about not being selfish

Offline Dan

  • Administrator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime 50K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 52973
  • Total likes: 2218
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16441
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: CLE
  • Programs: UA Global Services, AA Lifetime Plat, DL Dirt, SPG Plat, Hyatt Diamond, Fairmont Lifetime Plat, Hilton Diamond, Priority Club Plat, Avis Chairman, National EE, Hertz PC
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #94 on: January 04, 2013, 01:24:11 AM »
I was disagreeing with the first part. He basically challenges you to ask yourself why you want to get married, if you realize  that marriage is not just Lala land, and that even if you think you're ready for marriage, are you ready for children? Do you know your responsible for their chinuch? Do you know they can and will be hard? Etc...
Interesting.
Chabad Rabbis want the opposite though even with 8 years in "the system" the topic of marriage and child-rearing was not mentioned once.
http://www.collive.com/show_news.rtx?id=18596&alias=rabbis-urge-to-marry-young
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline churnbabychurn

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 7128
  • Total likes: 262
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #95 on: January 04, 2013, 01:24:49 AM »
there are chinuch classes for babies/toddlers too.
One of the things in follow up was when to discipline a baby/toddler and what to be mechanech them in
in regards infants a lot of it is about not being selfish

When they stick their fingers in the electric socket is all

Offline churnbabychurn

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 7128
  • Total likes: 262
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #96 on: January 04, 2013, 01:26:58 AM »
Interesting.
Chabad Rabbis want the opposite though even with 8 years in "the system" the topic of marriage and child-rearing was not mentioned once.
http://www.collive.com/show_news.rtx?id=18596&alias=rabbis-urge-to-marry-young
Remember the mishna says 18 yo. I know it doesnt fit into the american mentality where 30 year olds act like toddlers...

Offline churnbabychurn

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 7128
  • Total likes: 262
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #97 on: January 04, 2013, 01:28:57 AM »
"The generation has changed," he said in an interview. "It's not like it once was. Today, the less one 'roams around' - the better,

Offline Dan

  • Administrator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime 50K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 52973
  • Total likes: 2218
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16441
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: CLE
  • Programs: UA Global Services, AA Lifetime Plat, DL Dirt, SPG Plat, Hyatt Diamond, Fairmont Lifetime Plat, Hilton Diamond, Priority Club Plat, Avis Chairman, National EE, Hertz PC
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #98 on: January 04, 2013, 01:30:55 AM »
Remember the mishna says 18 yo. I know it doesnt fit into the american mentality where 30 year olds act like toddlers...
And Rivkah got married at 3.  Some things change...

The real reason why people get married early though isn't usually because they want to but because "the good ones will be gone" coupled with that if they wait then people will wonder what's wrong with them.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline yehuda S

  • Dansdeals Platinum Elite + Lifetime Gold Elite
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 776
  • Total likes: 1
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #99 on: January 04, 2013, 01:38:34 AM »
Don't forget, just because someone is supposed to be prepared for parenthood doesn't mean they are. So if I say "wait a minute I may be 22 but I'm not sure I have the tools for this" would a legitimate answer be "sorry you were supposed to have matured by now"?

People need guidance commensurate with where they are, not with where they are supposed to be.
Work is what you do between vacations.

Offline MnM1130

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Dec 2009
  • Posts: 2680
  • Total likes: 2
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
    • View Profile
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #100 on: January 04, 2013, 02:48:15 AM »
(sorry its long)
wow.. love this thread. to bad i was busy enjoying disney world with my almost 3 yr old son. But i have so much to say from a woman's point of view- who didnt get married VERY young (22) and came from a big family (11) that having a child- let alone children, is most def the hardest thing a human can ever do, AND are most def the least prepared about. And for a woman it starts long before the cute little furry thing pops out. I do feel that many many couples now (in my circles at least) had one child soon after marriage and than took a long break b4 the next because it was something they were so scarred about they couldnt comprehend doing it again (ever) so fast. It took me physically and mentally 2 years to even think ill even want to have more children. It was so bad to the point when i saw pregnant woman my heart went out to them, and i said im never doing that again. But i do feel that now my son is just about 3- im a mother. And a mothers job is to have children and give up herself for them. And it doesnt happen to everyone as soon as they have a baby, some people it takes a few years to realize life isnt about being selfish. And at that point it makes it possible to continue to have more children because your mind set is in a completely different place than a 20 year old mindset who just wants to have fun. There are still very many mornings when i just cant pull myself outta bed at 7am (ya for me thats still early im just about getting out of teenager mode) for my son who wants to eat breakfast. But im learning that this is my love, hes a part of me, and i need to make sure im doing the best to my ability to make sure hes comfortable and smiling. And now instead of complaining i ask advice on things i just dont feel im doing just right- and people have such amazing ideas of better ways of coping. But i do also realize i would have never come to this place if i wudda popped out 3-4 kids in 4 years. and i would most probably be a mess and non functioning. And i come from a family of 11 as mentioned- so not like i ever thought it would be a picnic. BUT i NEVER imagined this. And a side note- however hard it is for all u men- think about ur wives who go thru pregnancy- and on top of that with another baby and on top of that WORKING a JOB!!! I also feel like there is a lack of hands on chinuch teachings to go around, and i feel that todays society really screwed up what a jewish family should be.. how many people here feel that their houses would be a better place if we didnt have facebook, or DD to show and compare all of our perfect little lives with the world... I know that the times i get into a fight with my husband it always stemmed to something i saw on FB that so and so looks so happy always why cant we be like that. Media killed society. And thats why people have such a hard time with becoming parents because everything is so on the open, nothing is private anymore- and we need to be taught everything. Mothers should be home washing laundry in the river- and men should be out plowing fields- noone will have chinuch problems anymore.

Offline HelpMe

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Aug 2011
  • Posts: 3496
  • Total likes: 6
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #101 on: January 04, 2013, 03:44:26 AM »
I am following this thread and for the first time am lost for words. I will just say that it seems that many are getting married before they are ready.
"Elvis Has Left The Building"

Offline PlatinumGuy

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Apr 2011
  • Posts: 9856
  • Total likes: 53
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 8
    • View Profile
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #102 on: January 04, 2013, 03:47:55 AM »
I am following this thread and for the first time am lost for words. I will just say that it seems that many are getting married before they are ready.
I agree, but part of the picture is that parents take a greater involvement in married kids lives (although that may also be a problem).

Many newly wed couples are supported by their parents.
Purpose > Pleasure

Offline Dan

  • Administrator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime 50K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 52973
  • Total likes: 2218
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16441
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: CLE
  • Programs: UA Global Services, AA Lifetime Plat, DL Dirt, SPG Plat, Hyatt Diamond, Fairmont Lifetime Plat, Hilton Diamond, Priority Club Plat, Avis Chairman, National EE, Hertz PC
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #103 on: January 04, 2013, 03:48:51 AM »
I am following this thread and for the first time am lost for words. I will just say that it seems that many are getting married before they are ready.
No surprise there.  There's societal pressure to date briefly, and get married and have kids early.
The real reason why people get married early though isn't usually because they want to but because "the good ones will be gone" coupled with that if they wait then people will wonder what's wrong with them.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Dan

  • Administrator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime 50K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 52973
  • Total likes: 2218
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16441
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: CLE
  • Programs: UA Global Services, AA Lifetime Plat, DL Dirt, SPG Plat, Hyatt Diamond, Fairmont Lifetime Plat, Hilton Diamond, Priority Club Plat, Avis Chairman, National EE, Hertz PC
Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #104 on: January 04, 2013, 03:49:23 AM »
Many newly wed couples are supported by their parents.
Depends on the sect.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.