The truth about children - Warning: Controversial

[whYME]

Zale, I Disagree.

The fact of the matter is, having children completely disrupts and changes your life. There are some things you've been accustomed to doing and ways you've been acting which are either no longer possible or are extremely difficult. Sometimes that hurts.

No matter how dedicated you are to your "new mission," it's often really hard work.

Taking care of kids 24/7/365 is physically and emotionally draining, just because you're doing the right thing that doesn't mean it's easy. And in a sense it is like being in jail, being completely beholden to someone/something else, not always being able to do what you want to do.

Even if you do recognize and accept that this is now your "mission," that doesn't mean it's not going to be difficult (i.e. really hard work) and painful.

[CountValentine]

I am just floored by some of these posts. I understand traveling with kids is extremely challenging. What I don’t understand is not being able to go out and have a good time. If you and DW want to go out one day/evening alone is it that hard to find a family member or a babysitter to watch the kids? It would seem since many here are part of large families the possibilities are endless.

[Dan]

I am just floored by some of these posts. I understand traveling with kids is extremely challenging. What I don’t understand is not being able to go out and have a good time. If you and DW want to go out one day/evening alone is it that hard to find a family member or a babysitter to watch the kids? It would seem since many here are part of large families the possibilities are endless.

As you probably suspect, many here get married at 20-23 and have Rabbis that don't allow the use of birth control until a later point in time.

But I agree with you, people should try to find a better life/family balance and nights out definitely help.

[churnbabychurn]

+1

-1 The meforshim mention raising children too.

[zale]

Zale, I Disagree.

The fact of the matter is, having children completely disrupts and changes your life. There are some things you've been accustomed to doing and ways you've been acting which are either no longer possible or are extremely difficult. Sometimes that hurts.

No matter how dedicated you are to your "new mission," it's often really hard work.

Taking care of kids 24/7/365 is physically and emotionally draining, just because you're doing the right thing that doesn't mean it's easy. And in a sense it is like being in jail, being completely beholden to someone/something else, not always being able to do what you want to do.

Even if you do recognize and accept that this is now your "mission," that doesn't mean it's not going to be difficult (i.e. really hard work) and painful.

Doesn't becoming, say, a doctor change your life too? Doesn't it disrupt your life? Getting called to the ER 3am for an emergency, staying late at the office etc... Yes, "you can always quit", but can you really?

Having a hard job is hard work too. Being in the military is hard work, being a pilot is hard work, being a doctor is hard work.

True, they are not 24/7 but in reality, children are not 24/7 either. If your child is on a sleep schedule, and they sleep through the night, then the child is only 13/7. Once the child is old enough to go to daycare, they are only 5/5 (for most of the week).

Nobody, and I mean nobody, said that it was easy to raise children. But your attitude toward it has a significant impact. If you feel that you as a person are really supposed to be free 24/7 to do what you like to do, then I have to say that I fully understand why you feel the way you do. But if you see children as an actual accomplishment, [it will be HARD work, don't get me wrong], but your attitude won't be that you feel imprisoned.

I agree that sometimes (and for some more than others) you will need a break from your kids, just like sometimes you need a vacation from work.

[Dan]

Responding in this thread w/r/t this post.  A night to yourself is incredibly refreshing.

I am just floored by some of these posts. I understand traveling with kids is extremely challenging. What I don’t understand is not being able to go out and have a good time. If you and DW want to go out one day/evening alone is it that hard to find a family member or a babysitter to watch the kids? It would seem since many here are part of large families the possibilities are endless.

Hyatt Regency Cleveland VIP Suite.

Forgive me for being nosey, but if you live in Cleveland, why would you be staying at a hotel there? Or you just have so many darn Hyatt points that you don't even need to wait until you travel?

I ask only because I am sure you have an awesome answer and would enjoy envying your awesomeness.

Was my wife's birthday. While last year that meant a trip (with Rafi) to the Andaz 5th NYC, Cathay First, and the Fairmont Pac Rim, that's tougher at 38 weeks

So we had a day and night out on the town and had more fun that we've ever had without stepping onto a plane.

[zale]

As you probably suspect, many here get married at 20-23 and have Rabbis that don't allow the use of birth control until a later point in time.

But I agree with you, people should try to find a better life/family balance and nights out definitely help.

It's a complex "5th Shulchan Aruch" type of thing. Frankly, I never understood the 5th Shulchan Aruch.

This might come across as Apikorsus, but I believe that if one (or their spouse) doesn't feel mentally and physically ready to have a child, they should be able to use it.

[Dan]

This might come across as Apikorsus, but I believe that if one (or their spouse) doesn't feel mentally and physically ready to have a child, they should be able to use it.

No Apikorsus. Many Rabbis pasken that way, especially in today's day and age with an ever-increasing divorce rate.
YLORMV.

[Ergel]

It's a complex "5th Shulchan Aruch" type of thing. Frankly, I never understood the 5th Shulchan Aruch.

This might come across as Apikorsus, but I believe that if one (or their spouse) doesn't feel mentally and physically ready to have a child, they should be able to use it.

It's a real halachik issue and your feeling has no relevance. Doesn't mean whatyou said is right or wrong. But your opinion is irrelevant

[CountValentine]

So we had a day and night out on the town and had more fun that we've ever had without stepping onto a plane.

I know we come from totally different backgrounds but I was starting to think I was from a different planet. I glad someone here gets what I am talking about.

[zale]

It's a real halachik issue and your feeling has no relevance. Doesn't mean whatyou said is right or wrong. But your opinion is irrelevant

Thank you, I already knew that, thus the mention of possible apikorsus.

[churnbabychurn]

It's a complex "5th Shulchan Aruch" type of thing. Frankly, I never understood the 5th Shulchan Aruch.

This might come across as Apikorsus, but I believe that if one (or their spouse) doesn't feel mentally and physically ready to have a child, they should be able to use it.

shu"o E"H siman 1 is hilchos peru urebu. Not to say that there are not heteirim to push of the mitzva aseh mideorayso, its simply not a "fifth shulchan oruch".

[metziah]

No Apikorsus. Many Rabbis pasken that way, especially in today's day and age with an ever-increasing divorce rate.
YLORMV.

+100, I even know of one particular Rosh Yeshiva that makes all his talmidim go on BC for the first year that they're married. IMIAHO( in my innocent and humble opinion) not such a bad idea to implement.obviously this particular R"Y had certain type of talmidim. But in today's day and age a lot of people's(your right not everyone) marriages would benefit from this.
Don't get me wrong, I think children are the biggest blessing in this world and are worth everything we do and go through for them. But.....just putting it out there.
In certain communities where it's basically a race to see who can have more children quicker and if c"v you aren't expecting immediately following your wedding people look at you and wonder..... People can't even take into account if it might be better for their marriage to have a period of just the two of them to bond/sort things out/adjust and then be fully ready to be the best parents that they can be. Just my 2c's.

[Dan]

People can't even take into account if it might be better for their marriage to have a period of just the two of them to bond/sort things out/adjust and then be fully ready to be the best parents that they can be. Just my 2c's.

Not to mention that in many communities you barely know the person you're marrying and its hard to get to know someone when they're nauseous/throwing up and generally piling on stress onto an entirely new phase in one's life...I have several friends/classmates who had kids right away and the added stress undoubtedly contributed to their divorces...

[Dan]

Never mind that the typical chosson who comes to the chasanim institute in CLE thinks we're dealing with eggs like those from a chicken and are convinced that one can't get pregnant on the first night 

[churnbabychurn]

Never mind that the typical chosson who comes to the chasanim institute in CLE thinks we're dealing with eggs like those from a chicken and are convinced that one can't get pregnant on the first night 

[george]

Never mind that the typical chosson who comes to the chasanim institute in CLE thinks we're dealing with eggs like those from a chicken and are convinced that one can't get pregnant on the first night 

TMI, but if that's true it makes me quite sad

[CountValentine]

Never mind that the typical chosson who comes to the chasanim institute in CLE thinks we're dealing with eggs like those from a chicken and are convinced that one can't get pregnant on the first night 

[meshugener]

What's the joke?

[Achas Veachas]

Never mind that the typical chosson who comes to the chasanim institute in CLE thinks we're dealing with eggs like those from a chicken and are convinced that one can't get pregnant on the first night 

I wouldn't say the typical Chosson is like that though there probably are some...