The truth about children - Warning: Controversial

[sky121]

I can definitely relate to what you are saying, as I have had the same experience. However, I found respectlful behavior to be limited to respect for adults, and particularly adults whom they don't know well (i.e. a tutor etc.). Around their parents an friends it's a completely different story.

Of course. I didn't mean to imply they are always polite. These kids know how to be mean and disrespectful just as well.

[Dan]

As if kids that come out of co-ed high schools have much better marriages.

What exactly do those kids know about talking to girls that a Bochur does not? Perhaps they are less intimidated of the girls they grew up with in their own class, but if they see a pretty girl in a bar that they have never met before they are likely to be just as intimidated.

Who said anything about their marriages?

But I'd pay good money to see a video of my first dating experience where I flew across the country only to get tossed aside after a single hotel lobby date...

Sure with experience dating becomes easier (though you become pickier as you learn new things you want and want to avoid in a spouse), but boy could I have used some more pointers beforehand.

[churnbabychurn]

This has turned into the "Bash the system cuz xyz didn't work out for me thread"
Time for a name change.

[Achas Veachas]

But I'd pay good money to see a video of my first dating experience where I flew across the country only to get tossed aside after a single hotel lobby date...

For you it was cross country, for me it was cross Atlantic for same results

[zale]

Who said anything about their marriages?

But I'd pay good money to see a video of my first dating experience where I flew across the country only to get tossed aside after a single hotel lobby date...

Sure with experience dating becomes easier (though you become pickier as you learn new things you want and want to avoid in a spouse), but boy could I have used some more pointers beforehand.

Now that you have that experience, what kind of pointers would you put forth? What would you have done differently? (Specifically in terms of communication between you and your date).

[yehuda S]

This has turned into the "Bash the system cuz xyz didn't work out for me thread"
Time for a name change.

Relax. No one is bashing the system.

It could always use refining though.

[sky121]

This has turned into the "Bash the system cuz xyz didn't work out for me thread"
Time for a name change.

What's wrong with trying to work and improve on things?

[Dan]

This has turned into the "Bash the system cuz xyz didn't work out for me thread"
Time for a name change.

Are you saying the "system" is perfect and shouldn't be refined?

For you it was cross country, for me it was cross Atlantic for same results

Ouch!

I tell people that ask me that they should never bail after one date.  It takes most people longer than that to warm up to someone and show their true self. Especially if they're new to the shidduch dating scene.

Now that you have that experience, what kind of pointers would you put forth? What would you have done differently? (Specifically in terms of communication between you and your date).

You're asking about stuff from 6 years ago and awkward times I blocked out. All I know is that back then I needed help but I suppose all is well that ends well.  I guess I was supposed to be awkward on the first couple dates so that I would wind up with the right one.  The 8th girl I dated was my bashert.

[itsyehuda]

Are you saying the "system" is perfect and shouldn't be refined?

Ouch!

I tell people that ask me that they should never bail after one date.  It takes most people longer than that to warm up to someone and show their true self. Especially if they're new to the shidduch dating scene.
You're asking about stuff from 6 years ago and awkward times I blocked out. All I know is that back then I needed help but I suppose all is well that ends well.  I guess I was supposed to be awkward on the first couple dates so that I would wind up with the right one.  The 8th girl I dated was my bashert.

How would they make romantic comedies if every relationship worked out according to plan?

+1 about the one date. I think it's worth a second date just to let the other person down easy, i.e. so they don't feel like they were so undesirable that they got rejected right away.

[yehuda S]

How would they make romantic comedies if every relationship worked out according to plan?

+1 about the one date. I think it's worth a second date just to let the other person down easy, i.e. so they don't feel like they were so undesirable that they got rejected right away.

Yeah. If you are the woman you get a free night on the town.

I don't think most men would want to waste their time and money. They know some people were not meant to be together.

[Dan]

How would they make romantic comedies if every relationship worked out according to plan?

+1 about the one date. I think it's worth a second date just to let the other person down easy, i.e. so they don't feel like they were so undesirable that they got rejected right away.

Eh, if there's really a complete incompatibility then I don't see the point of wasting their time/money.
But just because a first date is somewhat awkward isn't a reason to call it off.

[Dan]

Yeah. If you are the woman you get a free night on the town.

I don't really understand why the guy needs to pay for all shidduch travel and dating expenses.
Really ought to be evenly split so everyone has the same thing invested in it.

[SamKey]

I don't really understand why the guy needs to pay for all shidduch travel and dating expenses.
Really ought to be evenly split so everyone has the same thing invested in it.

Goyishe Musagim

[Dan]

Goyishe Musagim

Not at all, if the girl or girl's family would be more invested then they would do better research in the first place and not end things after a single date just because it wasn't love at first sight.

[SamKey]

Not at all, if the girl or girl's family would be more invested then they would do better research in the first place and not end things after a single date just because it wasn't love at first sight.

I was answering your question not arguing with you

[AJK]

I don't really understand why the guy needs to pay for all shidduch travel and dating expenses.
Really ought to be evenly split so everyone has the same thing invested in it.

Will never happen.

[Achas Veachas]

Will never happen.

My (now) father in law actually offered to pay half of the travel expenses if it wouldn't work out.

[AJK]

My (now) father in law actually offered to pay half of the travel expenses if it wouldn't work out.

The exception that proves the rule, as far as I'm concerned.

You must just be that special

[Achas Veachas]

You must just be that special

I would say that about him. Apparently the Shadchan wasn't lying when she said she was from a very good family

[yehuda S]

After a few dates of renting a car and driving 1 1/2 hours each way I told her I think she should come to my town. She said ok and started taking the bus in