Author Topic: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial  (Read 119512 times)

Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #560 on: December 05, 2013, 05:17:54 PM »

Intense.  Sorry for sounding rough earlier.  BTW- you are your kids' night seder chavrusa? Impressive!
No problem.

Nope I learn with my father.
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Offline meshugener

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #561 on: December 05, 2013, 05:37:22 PM »
@yehuda S:
Now I understand everything. Sorry that I was so nasty earlier in thread.
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Offline churnbabychurn

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #562 on: December 05, 2013, 05:39:46 PM »
The thread should be renamed "The truth about a mothers away all day" Has nothing to do with kids.

Offline good sam

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #563 on: December 05, 2013, 05:47:55 PM »
The thread should be renamed "The truth about a mothers away all day" Has nothing to do with kids.
I guess its the combination.  Wife away all day where there are no kids presents a whole different set of issues.
If you don't care why would you comment?
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Offline churnbabychurn

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #564 on: December 05, 2013, 05:49:05 PM »
The world wasn't designed to have two working parents.

Offline CountValentine

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #565 on: December 05, 2013, 05:52:05 PM »
The world wasn't designed to have two working parents.
Maybe in your world but in my world it worked out just fine.
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Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #566 on: December 05, 2013, 05:53:40 PM »
Maybe in your world but in my world it worked out just fine.
The world wasn't designed to have two working parents.

It can definitely work. And some people can do it better than others. Also, there is already a difference between a mother coming home at 3/4 than a mother coming home at 6 etc.  So the details make a difference as well.
Either way it is nice to have a parent at home.
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Offline CountValentine

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #567 on: December 05, 2013, 05:56:27 PM »
Either way it is nice to have a parent at home.
…and if you are willing to make some small sacrifices it is possible to do both. Have both parents work and have one parent at home.
Only on DDF does 24/6 mean 24/5/half/half

Offline Chaikel

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #568 on: December 05, 2013, 05:57:04 PM »
Actually to give some background, my wife is in school day and night so I am Tatty, Mommy, full time earner, diaper changer, morning clothes dresser, breakfast feeder, brown bag luncher, (for Mommy too) ponytail-maker, supper cooker, bather, pajama dresser, tantrum consoler, bedtime story teller, full time house keeper, laundry do-er, (night Seder chavrusa), among others.

;-)
Now this all makes sense. The Torah tell us Paroh made the the Jew do "Avodas Perech". The meforshim explain that he made the men raise the children and do house work, while the women went out to work. I once heard a shiur on shalom bayis where the Rabbi asked "that's what the Torah calls 'Avodas Perech'?" And the answer is yes. Hashem optimized male and female to their designed role, and when one isn't in their designed role, the ride can be very bumpy. Try driving down the highway in a plane.

So sorry for judging you. I'm sure there is good reason why you have to be in this position, but the Torah calls what you're doing 'Avodas Parech', I don't think I am able to put myself into your shoes
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Offline churnbabychurn

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #569 on: December 05, 2013, 05:58:46 PM »
Maybe in your world but in my world it worked out just fine.
didn't say it can't work.
Evidently it can get very difficult for some though.

Offline meshugener

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #570 on: December 05, 2013, 05:58:55 PM »
Chaikel, well said. Was just about to post this thing from paroh.
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Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #571 on: December 05, 2013, 06:02:43 PM »

The world wasn't designed to have two working parents.
I agree but in our society today it is impossible to make it on one (average) salary. We figured a few years of hard work will hopefully pay off with many years of being self sufficient and debt free.
Work is what you do between vacations.

Offline Chaikel

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #572 on: December 05, 2013, 06:04:57 PM »
I agree but in our society today it is impossible to make it on one (average) salary. We figured a few years of hard work will hopefully pay off with many years of being self sufficient and debt free.
With the way you feel about your children, you may want to re-evaluate that decision.
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Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #573 on: December 05, 2013, 06:05:08 PM »

There is already a difference between a mother coming home at 3/4 than a mother coming home at 6 etc.
Extremely true.
Work is what you do between vacations.

Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #574 on: December 05, 2013, 06:06:15 PM »

With the way you feel about your children, you may want to re-evaluate that decision.
I don't think there ever was a choice. What's the alternative?
Work is what you do between vacations.

Offline Chaikel

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #575 on: December 05, 2013, 06:12:02 PM »
I don't think there ever was a choice. What's the alternative?
I obviously don't know your situation, but the American Dream of "Work hard now to relax later" is for the most part, a lie. The alternative is spending less, and manageable debt. And by manageable I mean both financially (a plan to have it paid off) and psychologically (not letting every dollar spent make you mad).
« Last Edit: December 05, 2013, 06:17:56 PM by Chaikel »
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Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #576 on: December 05, 2013, 06:23:43 PM »

Actually to give some background, my wife is in school day and night so I am Tatty, Mommy, full time earner, diaper changer, morning clothes dresser, breakfast feeder, brown bag luncher, (for Mommy too) ponytail-maker, supper cooker, bather, pajama dresser, tantrum consoler, bedtime story teller, full time house keeper, laundry do-er, (night Seder chavrusa), among others.

;-)
I don't think I've given my wife enough credit here. She works like crazy, is going through a very intense schooling and still does a ton around the house, makes a great Shabbos every week, makes food all the time and takes care of our daughter whenever she can.

It would be great to do a 'trip report' of how we were able to get through five years of dual schooling, working full time and still taking some incredible trips together.

I don't think every mother should be working but if she is anyway, it could be really worthwhile to put in a few hard years of work and end up with a better job for life.
Work is what you do between vacations.

Offline Dan

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #577 on: December 05, 2013, 06:29:30 PM »
better job for life.
Good luck finding a well paying job that lets you get off at 3.
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Offline yehuda S

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #578 on: December 05, 2013, 06:44:42 PM »

Good luck finding a well paying job that lets you get off at 3.
What is your definition of well paying?
Work is what you do between vacations.

Offline sky121

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Re: The truth about children - Warning: Controversial
« Reply #579 on: December 05, 2013, 07:10:11 PM »
I'm all for sacrificing certain luxuries and things in my life for working less and having a calmer life.  Obviously it all depends on your financial situation.  Being in debt isn't a calmer life either.
"Not all who wander are lost"