Author Topic: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis  (Read 26965 times)

Offline yelped

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #280 on: September 19, 2022, 04:51:06 PM »
אִיהִי בְּכׇל דְּהוּ נִיחָא לַהּ, כִּדְרֵישׁ לָקִישׁ. דְּאָמַר רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ: ״טָב לְמֵיתַב טַן דּוּ מִלְּמֵיתַב אַרְמְלוּ״.

The Gemara answers: There is a difference between a man and a woman in this regard, for it is amenable to her to be with any man, flawed though he may be, as taught by Reish Lakish: As Reish Lakish said that women say: It is better to dwell together as two [tan du] than to dwell alone as if a widow. Women will prefer any marriage to remaining single.
They have to be picky to some degree as otherwise the end result can be the next part of the Gemara...

Offline ushdadude

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #281 on: September 19, 2022, 04:54:46 PM »
Well, they don't plan on fulfilling the end of that gemara.
They have to be picky to some degree as otherwise the end result can be the next part of the Gemara...
lol...true
unfortunately the same person can be both

Offline yelped

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #282 on: September 19, 2022, 05:02:37 PM »
lol...true
unfortunately the same person can be both
Anyways, since when is the Shidduch crisis due to *girls* being too picky?

Offline aygart

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #283 on: September 19, 2022, 05:12:06 PM »
Anyways, since when is the Shidduch crisis due to *girls* being too picky?

I have no good way to know one way or the other.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline ushdadude

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #284 on: September 19, 2022, 05:33:24 PM »
Anyways, since when is the Shidduch crisis due to *girls* being too picky?
the problem with being "picky" is that the other person might not want to be "picked." you just need one gender to accept anyone. that way the other side can pick whomever they want.  it seems from the gemara that it's easier to convince the girls' side.

Offline drosenberg88429

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #285 on: September 19, 2022, 07:07:27 PM »
A gentile employee mentioned he is going on a date set up through a matchmaker. I asked him about the process and I found it pretty interesting.

In his case, the woman reached out to the matchmaker, and he was narrowed down as a candidate. The matchmaker interviewed him for an hour, ran a background check, but did not ask for any references. The woman agreed to the match, and now they're going out next week.

For setting up the match, the matchmaker earns a minimum of $2,000, or $10,000 on the higher-end. This fee, along with the bill of a 5 star dinner is paid by the woman since she initiated the match. The matchmaker doesn't get paid for any future dates, nor if they get engaged or married. They also offer packages of 6 matches for a slightly lower fee, with partial refund if they get married before using up all their matches.

The matchmaker does not give last names to each other, and doesn't share pictures. There is no calling or messaging each other directly before the date, it is completely blind.

Note - he isn't religious or part of any cultural group, just a regular American.

Maybe if people would pay $2k for every person they met, it would incentivize them to give each match all they had and do their utmost to make it work. It might help significantly with our choice paradox crisis. The same way you get out of a marriage what you each put into it, so too for a match, in many cases. Being invested is not a bad thing.


Offline avromie7

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #286 on: September 19, 2022, 07:18:59 PM »
Maybe if people would pay $2k for every person they met, it would incentivize them to give each match all they had and do their utmost to make it work. It might help significantly with our choice paradox crisis. The same way you get out of a marriage what you each put into it, so too for a match, in many cases. Being invested is not a bad thing.
This is a terrible idea, people wouldn't date unless they think it's a perfect shidduchim.
I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all their free time.

Offline drosenberg88429

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #287 on: September 19, 2022, 07:24:57 PM »
This is a terrible idea, people wouldn't date unless they think it's a perfect shidduchim.

There are communities where people don't date unless they think it's a perfect match, and don't have the wanton easy come easy go approach. Does their system work better or worse than ours, by the numbers?

Calling something a terrible idea carries the insinuation of some due diligence having been done into the subject.

Offline avromie7

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #288 on: September 19, 2022, 07:26:48 PM »
There are communities where people don't date unless they think it's a perfect match, and don't have the wanton easy come easy go approach. Does their system work better or worse than ours, by the numbers?

Calling something a terrible idea carries the insinuation of some due diligence having been done into the subject.
If we can't get people to get married after a date, how can you expect them to get married without dates?
I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all their free time.

Offline drosenberg88429

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #289 on: September 19, 2022, 08:08:36 PM »
If we can't get people to get married after a date, how can you expect them to get married without dates?

That's a good question. Do people in those communities where they only meet if they think there's a very good chance of the couple getting married get married?

Offline yelped

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #290 on: September 19, 2022, 09:35:41 PM »
That's a good question. Do people in those communities where they only meet if they think there's a very good chance of the couple getting married get married?
You're right that there is much less older singles in those communities, but I'm not sure that this is the reason why. Although, having the appearance of much less choices (which is an illusion anyways, because there's only one right choice) makes the right choice easier.

Offline EliJelly

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #291 on: September 20, 2022, 12:49:17 AM »
If we can't get people to get married after a date, how can you expect them to get married without dates?

The more options presented the bigger dilemma created. Boiling it down to fewer more matching ideas might actually be helpful.

Offline aygart

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #292 on: September 20, 2022, 08:14:19 AM »
The whole concept of

more matching ideas

is an illusion.
Feelings don't care about your facts

Offline S209

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Re: Marry Young / Shidduch Crisis
« Reply #293 on: September 20, 2022, 09:16:17 AM »
If we can't get people to get married after a date, how can you expect them to get married without dates?
https://hbr.org/2006/06/more-isnt-always-better
Quote from: YitzyS
Quotes in a signature is annoying, as it comes across as an independent post.