AJK's YVR Surprise: A TR by His (Much) Better Half

[JoeCha]

I agree with ilherman, since joining I never get excited about cheap glitch tickets in coach.

[DMYD]

Not just that, we are getting so spoiled that even J isn't enough always trying to figure out how to get in to F!

[Something Fishy]

Hmmm. Looks like some of the men around here could use a support group as well.

[Ergel]

Anyone else bothered by the parentheses in the title?

[DMYD]

Hmmm. Looks like some of the men around here could use a support group as well.

Hi I'm DMYD and I'm an F/J addict!

[benjie1305]

Hmm, please think it over.

 Last time when there was a price mistake to TLV for $400 I booked tickets right away.

....Then I started imagining, 12 hours in stinky economy? Me? And quickly canceled it the next morning after dreaming how I sit next to a fat woman for 12 hours and every time I need the bathroom I hear her saying fuc* him while Im sweating like a rotten pig.

No, I can't see my self sitting in coach. Besides short -haul.

Reminds me of this old thread I came across that made me laugh so hard that I woke up my wife and kid at 11 pm.

I figure this was funny enough to get it's own thread.

I cried from reading this.

Warning: R-rated language in some parts.

Dear Jetstar,

Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as <language redacted by mod>, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn’t a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.

Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn’t catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I’ll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I’ve given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how shit they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, “hehehe, they’re for crew only, hehehe“. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both “crew only” rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she’s flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn’t that exactly the same as having someone who can’t control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that’s why I’m demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.

I’m also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I’m yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don’t recover completely, I’ll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: [Redacted], or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards,

Rich Wisken.

[coralsnake]

Just read the original TR in this thread.

Thinking about my wife, the jig would be up the second she realized we're going to the airport.

[AJK]

Just read the original TR in this thread.

Thinking about my wife, the jig would be up the second she realized we're going to the airport.

That would just mean you hadn't paved the road well enough before hand

[AJK]

Reminds me of this old thread I came across that made me laugh so hard that I woke up my wife and kid at 11 pm.

Lol'd all over again. People on the bus thought I was in a fit of hysterics.

[ushdadude]

How was Westin? nice view?

[EnEl]

Reminds me of this old thread I came across that made me laugh so hard that I woke up my wife and kid at 11 pm.

Apparently this is the Fat Man's response to the viral complaint letter.

http://theantijared.com/2014/10/called-fat-man-jetstar-flight.html

[yakrot]

Wow nice tr

[good sam]

Anyone else bothered by the parentheses in the title?

Yes. Should go in ajk's grammar thread

[AJK]

Yes. Should go in ajk's grammar thread

+1

[ushdadude]

Do it! Even the first part... trust me

I surprised my wife for our first anniversary with a day trip to atlanta. she loves aquariums and theirs is one of the best in the country. until we actually got to the airport she was annoyed i woke her up so early on a sunday

[lunatic]

<sigh>

What we've done to our women, eh?

 

Just happened to me this morning. Talked about takin a 6 or 7 hour plane trip and my wife says, she is not going coach....

[AJK]

I surprised my wife for our first anniversary with a day trip to atlanta. she loves aquariums and theirs is one of the best in the country. until we actually got to the airport she was annoyed i woke her up so early on a sunday

What did you tell her until then??

Just happened to me this morning. Talked about takin a 6 or 7 hour plane trip and my wife says, she is not going coach....

We must sleep in the made we make

[ushdadude]

What did you tell her until then??

that we were going somewhere a little far. once we got to the airport she realized we were flying somewhere but i didn't tell her destination until we got to the gate.

[lunatic]

We must sleep in the made we make

Tell me about it...  I am trying to use up 2 delta 400 vouchers (for getting bumped on my delta glitch flight) and can't find any flight that makes sense in coach

[lunatic]

What did you tell her until then??

We must sleep in the made we make

AJK,  you inspired me http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=51430.0