Author Topic: another get story..  (Read 21437 times)

Online Ergel

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #150 on: November 15, 2013, 11:20:44 AM »
Dating for a year in my circles would be considered even more sacrilege.

We date to marry, not to have a good time.  The good times wait for marriage.
+1 you can't go to Hawaii if you're not married
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Offline Dan

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #151 on: November 15, 2013, 11:21:54 AM »
-1
I still think it's stressful if you have four kids running around and you're wife is stuck in bed/head over the toilet and a hormonal wreck
That's kids being stressful.
What about the first pregnancy?
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Online CountValentine

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #152 on: November 15, 2013, 11:23:05 AM »
We date to marry, not to have a good time. The good times wait for marriage.
I might be the oddball in my circles but I have had many more good times since I have been married.
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Online Ergel

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #153 on: November 15, 2013, 11:24:43 AM »
That's kids being stressful.
What about the first pregnancy?
I hear
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Offline ckmk47

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #154 on: November 15, 2013, 11:28:18 AM »
It starts off as fluff because for many guys and girls, shmoozing with the opposite gender isn't something they've done before.
It takes times for that to develop after 20+ years of it being frowned upon.

Also the first date if fluff because you don't want to open up your personal life to someone who will dump you after a single date.  That hurts.
I think opinions on ordinary external things CAN happen on the first date.

Online Ergel

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #155 on: November 15, 2013, 11:32:01 AM »
Maybe.  But advocate a stronger, deeper dating process.
 
The first date should not be all 'fluff' without substance.  Get into the basic issues right away.  The dates are not to see if you can have a good time together, they're to see if you can marry each other.

Look for someone you can communicate with. And someone who's goals match yours.
Communication starts on the first date.  Talk about Obamacare, the Yankees, or the benefits of Amazon Prime, for all I care.  But give honest opinions without felling like you have to  hold back  your opinion because you're being judged.
Proceed over the dates to express what kind of life you want to lead, where you're headed in life.  For example, is having a porsche important and why.   Is having a daily shiur important or helping with the family should take precedence.  Are the kids her job or their job?
Am I crazy to think that being able to have fun together is an important part of marriage? The dating process is very stressful. I'm not sure why that has to be discussed on a first date. And yes you will see how you communicate just by talking fluff.
I guess I'm coming from a different perspective and a community where the dating process is two-three months and not weeks
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Offline Dan

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #156 on: November 15, 2013, 11:34:05 AM »
Am I crazy to think that being able to have fun together is an important part of marriage? The dating process is very stressful. I'm not sure why that has to be discussed on a first date. And yes you will see how you communicate just by talking fluff.
Agreed.
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Re: another get story..
« Reply #157 on: November 15, 2013, 11:36:33 AM »
Am I crazy to think that being able to have fun together is an important part of marriage?
IMHO a marriage will not flourish without it.
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Online Ergel

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #158 on: November 15, 2013, 11:38:11 AM »
IMHO a marriage will not flourish without it.
There are communities where it does. It's a different style of marriage then one we are used to
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Re: another get story..
« Reply #159 on: November 15, 2013, 11:44:13 AM »
It's a different style of marriage then one we are used to
I am not so sure about that. When I seen Dan talk at the seminar about the trips with his wife and first child his face just lit up. I could be wrong but it sure seems he had fun on those trips.
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Offline ckmk47

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #160 on: November 15, 2013, 11:47:03 AM »
Sorry.  I agree.  Fun is definitely part of life and part of marriage.

Offline myb821

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #161 on: November 15, 2013, 11:49:22 AM »
I am not so sure about that. When I seen Dan talk at the seminar about the trips with his wife and first child his face just lit up. I could be wrong but it sure seems he had fun on those trips.
he wasnt referring to dan's communities

Offline Aaaron

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #162 on: November 15, 2013, 01:58:32 PM »
Wow.  Didn't realize what I started here  :)


Offline meshugener

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #163 on: November 16, 2013, 08:38:01 PM »
So is there fewer marriage breakups in places where the couple live together a few years before getting married?
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Offline Baruch

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #164 on: November 16, 2013, 08:53:49 PM »
So is there fewer marriage breakups in places where the couple live together a few years before getting married?
Rhetorical question, I'm assuming.
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