Author Topic: another get story..  (Read 21445 times)

Offline meshugener

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #165 on: November 16, 2013, 08:56:11 PM »
Rhetorical question, I'm assuming.
Correct.
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Offline Dan

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #166 on: November 16, 2013, 10:14:41 PM »
So is there fewer marriage breakups in places where the couple live together a few years before getting married?
Not entirely fair.
You can put together any boy and girl that have been through the same orthodox system and they'll probably have a decent marriage because their life goals are aligned.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline Hirshthg

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #167 on: November 16, 2013, 11:20:28 PM »
So is there fewer marriage breakups in places where the couple live together a few years before getting married?
If you live together and don't get married and you split up is that not a break up?

Offline meshugener

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #168 on: November 16, 2013, 11:43:48 PM »
I was referring to after marriage breakups aka divorce
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Offline ckmk47

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #169 on: November 17, 2013, 01:37:19 AM »
I read that statistically, a couple that lives together before marriage is more likely to get a divorce.
counterintuitive, but there waas an article explaining the findings.

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #170 on: November 17, 2013, 12:30:45 PM »
R' Akiva Tatz explains that when a couple live together before marriage, the woman puts herself at a disadvantage. The man naturally would find it very difficult to get/stay married to a woman that has already given him everything. Basically, since the only thing that marriage adds to the relationship is responsibilities that the man never had/wanted.
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Offline Hirshthg

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #171 on: November 17, 2013, 09:14:37 PM »
I was referring to after marriage breakups aka divorce
Whats the difference aside that one never had morals of commitments and the other one does, emotionally it's the same thing.

Offline ckmk47

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #172 on: November 17, 2013, 09:17:39 PM »
Whats the difference aside that one never had morals of commitments and the other one does, emotionally it's the same thing.
That's kinda the  point.  Without the real commitment of marriage, there's holding back.  So it's less likely to survive.  If they marry after living together their expectations of change are unrealistic, so they  are more likely to divorce than those that never lived together.

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #173 on: November 18, 2013, 09:23:24 AM »
Let's look at the non Jewish world, where people date for years, and not only date, but "test drive" for years sometimes, before getting married, which lasts only a year or so.
This it's a more and more common trend.
It proves that before one is officially bound together (= harder to break up) people often do their best to be nice, considerate, etc, but once it's confirmed, they stop, with the expected results.

Bottom line: dating 3x ?  Not enough. Dating intensively a few weeks vs a year?  No real difference.

Offline CountValentine

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #174 on: November 18, 2013, 09:37:22 AM »
There is no way you can compare the two. There are hundreds of different variables involved. You also have to look at the reason one stays married among different groups. If you want to be fair you have to look within the same group for results. If you look at the divorce rate among Roman Catholics not so long ago I would guess it would have been the same as the Orthodox Jews.
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Offline shmuelb

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #175 on: November 18, 2013, 01:11:36 PM »
Rav Avigdor Miller Zatzal said that the rate is rising among frum ppl because of the hashpaa of the velt, as has been mentioned here before. People think that everything should go their way, other ppl should change, if its not comfortable then just end it.
siyag lachachma :-)

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #176 on: November 19, 2013, 10:45:06 AM »
There is no way you can compare the two. There are hundreds of different variables involved. You also have to look at the reason one stays married among different groups. If you want to be fair you have to look within the same group for results. If you look at the divorce rate among Roman Catholics not so long ago I would guess it would have been the same as the Orthodox Jews.

Except that Roman Catholics aren't supposed to get divorced, whereas Jews who have a real* issue are pushed to get divorced.

*real = real(!)

Offline ybeeds

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #177 on: November 21, 2013, 10:56:44 PM »
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Offline elikay

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #178 on: November 22, 2013, 01:16:21 AM »
Very well written... http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/11/weiss-dodelson-role-of-mechon-lhoraah.html
I haven't read that post yet but that guy (and you?) seems to be heavily biased...

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Re: another get story..
« Reply #179 on: November 22, 2013, 01:42:32 AM »
He responds to any issues anyone mat have with what he wrote in a clear manner.
He seems very one sided here, though I can see him making a complete 180 if new details warranted it.
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