Stuff Your Kid Tells You

[Euclid]

"I look very style-dic"
6 year old cheder boy with a couple older sisters

[mevinyavin]

[2 yr old] "Mianiamianiamianiamiani..."
[9 yr old] "[Two yr old], Mi ani?"
[2] "Ani ani!"
[9] "No, mi ata?"
[2] "Ani ata!"
[9] "So mi ani?"
[2] "Ani!'

(They did this in circles, nearly indentical reactions, for ten minutes.)

[Yehuda57]

Son came home today from Cheder and repeating the story of Yisroi becoming jewish:
…and Yisroi became a Jew, he bought a Kapel, Tzitzis made Payois & broke his smartphone…
 

Not sure if should be angry or don’t know what…
Was on the tip of my tongue to tell my son that there were no phones back then

[mevinyavin]

I took my four-year-old for a dentist appointment at 11:45. She had to fast until the appointment... so I tried to bribe her by letting her choose what she wanted afterwards.

Me: "What do you want to eat when you get home from the dentist? You can choose anything you want."
Her: "Pasta balls, pretzels, cucumbers, and tuna fish."
Me: "Okay, but what do you want to take with you so you can eat before we get home? We can put it in a bag so you have it after."
Her: "Pasta balls, pretzels, and cucumbers."

[Luvtotravel]

I took my four-year-old for a dentist appointment at 11:45. She had to fast until the appointment... so I tried to bribe her by letting her choose what she wanted afterwards.

Me: "What do you want to eat when you get home from the dentist? You can choose anything you want."
Her: "Pasta balls, pretzels, cucumbers, and tuna fish."
Me: "Okay, but what do you want to take with you so you can eat before we get home? We can put it in a bag so you have it after."
Her: "Pasta balls, pretzels, and cucumbers."

poor kid was seriously hungry!

[Mordyk]

I heard two of my kids shmoozing, one says to the other " you know how babies get into the mothers stomach?" at that point I lower the car music to here the response
He says, every time mommy eats it turns into a finger, a foot and so on. My daugther argued that its simply a neis. I breathed a sigh of relief that no kid in cheder told him otherwise... for now. lol

[Moshe123]

ROFL

[skyguy918]

I heard two of my kids shmoozing, one says to the other " you know how babies get into the mothers stomach?" at that point I lower the car music to here the response
He says, every time mommy eats it turns into a finger, a foot and so on. My daugther argued that its simply a neis. I breathed a sigh of relief that no kid in cheder told him otherwise... for now. lol

My wife had been vomiting all night and my 4th grader asked, what if you vomit out the baby?

[mevinyavin]

Friend of mine comes back from Shacharis to discover a large wad of orangeish-tinged tissues in the garbage.
He asks his three-year-old if she knows anything about this. She says, "I wanted eggs, so I took one from the fridge and cracked it on the floor, but it wasn't ready yet... Don't worry, I cleaned it all up!"

[mevinyavin]

I was trying to calm my two-year-old. I often take him to my porch door so he can look outside, especially at night. This time, he notices the reflection of my living room lights. He stops crying and says, "Theysalite," and he points to the reflection, then he pivots and points to the real lights and finishes, "an theysalight!"
I turn him to the Yom Tov candles and say, "What about there?"
He looks at me reproachfully and says, "That's nolla light! That's dandles. That - " and he points to the light fixtures - "salite."

[Moshe Green]

My kid after Pesach was over:

"Now we can eat food that falls on the floor!!!!"

[BCL]

DD wants a scooter.
"Can you ask Dan?"

[mevinyavin]

We were eating pizza for lunch when my almost-five-year-old points to a large capital N. "Look! One upside-down pizza and one regular pizza!"