Jokes Master Thread

[Chaikel]

Wasn't there a thread dedicated to these?

[Achas Veachas]

Wasn't there a thread dedicated to these?

This?

[whYME]

http://www.amazon.com/Images-SI-Inc-Uranium-Ore/dp/B000796XXM/ref=pd_sim_sbs_gro_1

All jokes aside, I'd actually like to buy some.

[AnonymousUser]

All jokes aside, I'd actually like to buy some.

I'm afraid to ask why.

[churnbabychurn]

Subject: Who says men don't remember..?
A couple were Xmas shopping. The shopping center was packed, and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said,
"Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford,and I told you that I would get it for you one day..?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied,
"Well, I'm in the bar next door."

[dudi]

+1

[SamKey]

Why did the Stoner cross the road?







Because the grass was greener on the other side!

[A European]

Dear Tia,

Thank you for your interest in the Chase Sapphire
Preferred bonus points offer.

I regret we will not be able to discuss the details about
the account to you, as you are not list on this account.
This request can only be processed for the Primary
Cardholder on the account. Please have the Primary
Cardholder call us at the number listed below for
assistance with this request.

If you have any further questions, please reply using the
Secure Message Center.

Thank you,

Pooja Menon
Customer Service Specialist

1-800-493-3319

Account is owned by Chase Bank USA, N.A. and may be
serviced by its affiliates.


**********************************************************
**********
DO YOU KNOW AT CHASE ONLINE YOU CAN ....
- Gain instant access to view and download your credit
card information.
- See and pay your bill online
- Transfer balances
- Change your address and much more....

**********************************************************
**********
Original Message Follows:
------------------------

After i applied for the Credit card i saw a offer of
55.000 UR points after adding a AU.

Would you please be able to match the offer?

TIA

A SM I got
 

[meshugener]

ROFL!

[Moshe123]

LOL!

[Achas Veachas]

OMG That is hilarious!

[Super Speed]

OMG That is hilarious!

+1!

[churnbabychurn]

Nu so how did you respond?
TIA

[A European]

Nu so how did you respond?
TIA

Any idea?

[ckmk47]

call

[Myccrabbi]

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

 Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while
they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.


He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act
she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now considered her to be mentally stable.

When the Head Nurse went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have
good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged,since
you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving
the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act
displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe
belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?'

[skyguy918]

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

 Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while
they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.


He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act
she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now considered her to be mentally stable.

When the Head Nurse went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have
good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged,since
you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving
the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act
displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe
belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?'

A little morbid for the jokes thread, but I guess to each his own.

[PlatinumGuy]

How does Rachel get rid of her morning headache? Sends him to shachris.

[chaimmayer]

How does Rachel get rid of her morning headache? Sends him to shachris.

sometimes I wake up grumpy, sometimes I let her sleep late.

[bluiemonster1]

Where can you find the juice in the supermarket?

In the eggs isle!

Get it? Jews...exile...hahaha