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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 399610 times)

Offline Yordai Dooma

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Offline Yaalili

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Tourist
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Sure no Problem!
Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg."

Offline Yaalili

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IF ONLY LIFE WAS LIKE A COMPUTER
if you messed up your life, press "Ctrl, Alt, and Delete" and start all over.
To get your daily exercise, just click "run".
To "add/remove" someone in your life, click on the control panel.
To improve your appearance, just adjust display settings.
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
If you lose your car keys click on "find".
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash.
Click on "send" and the kids would go to bed.
Click on "refresh" and feel rejuvenated.
Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".

Offline Yaalili

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and here is one more...

Farmer
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.
"That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to him, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out!"

Offline Chaikel

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Create professional looking itineraries.
Check out eliteitinerary.com

Offline SuperFlyer

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Le'ilui nishmas r' Yosef.

Q: Whats the difference between someone who just died after being in a brain dead coma and a lakewood guy?
A: one goes from life support to the freezer, and one goes from the freezer to life support!

Offline Mikeoracle

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Why was the Kosciuszko bridge named after a pollack?

It was supposed to be a tunnel...

Offline YOSEF

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Le'ilui nishmas r' Yosef.

Q: Whats the difference between someone who just died after being in a brain dead coma and a lakewood guy?
A: one goes from life support to the freezer, and one goes from the freezer to life support!
Bli Eyein Hara,
I'm still with you.

Offline SuperFlyer

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Bli Eyein Hara,
I'm still with you.

Le'iluy nishmas, doesnt mean that you have been suspended....

Offline YOSEF

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Le'iluy nishmas, doesnt mean that you have been suspended....
yeah, but isn't the forums the whole point?

Offline SuperFlyer

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Don't get it.

Offline Dan

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Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline YOSEF

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Offline SuperFlyer

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the tachlis hachaim

Aha, so "a banned member, is choshuv kemays"

Offline yeshivaman

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An old bochur who time after time turned down shidduchim was asked why he kept on saying no, the torah says "Lo tov heyos adam levado".

His reply?

"Yeh, S'iz nit gut, ubber s'iz nit shlecht!"
i wish i knew what i was doing...