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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 299311 times)

Offline Charles The Govenor

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All movable objects in the white house are being bolted down. 
star alliance

Offline SuperFlyer

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US Airways is a good Airline

;D ;D ;D

I travelled first class with them, at least that's what it read on the boarding pass....
I had to verify, cuz it seemed more like cargo....

Offline SuperFlyer

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2 retards are having a conversation at night:

Retard 1: Turns on a flashlight, and holding it in the upward direction.

Retard 2 says: Nice

Retard 1 asks: Can you climb on the light beam?

Retard 2: Sure thing.

Retard 1: Well, show me !

Retard 2: Why should I? So that you will turn it off once Im' halfway..??!!

Offline SuperFlyer

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For people who don't know, Ryanair is the lowest low cost charter available on this planet so far.

they wanted to add fees for people using wheelchairs (the latter is not a joke, it's just you should get picture), but after lots of protest they abandoned the idea.

Here below you can see the emergency card aboard (needless to say its a joke, as the real ones are stuck to the seat in front).



Offline SuperFlyer

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Delta pilot turned engine on a little too early...





I'd love to fly with those guys, which mileage card should I present?





Cabin crew, landing in 2 minutes, BTW, the kid almost made it...






I somehow think the driver won't get a raise for some time...





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Offline Yaalili

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DUMB BLONDIE JOKE

A man turns on the radio at work, and hears that there is a vehicle driving the wrong way on the highway, nervous for his wife who is a first time driver, he calls her up.
"Honey, be very careful there is someone driving the wrong way"
"What" she replies "there are all driving the wrong way..."


Offline Mikeoracle

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A man asks his wife "What would you do if I won the Lotto?"
She says, "I'd take my half and leave you!"
"Excellent! I won 12 bucks, here's 6 now get the $@#% outa here...."

Offline SuperFlyer

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Blonds:

Did you hear about the near tragedy when a blond got stuck for hours on the escalator?


They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre. They went to see "Closed For The Winter".


Offline SuperFlyer

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I just found a brilliant way to get people to buy new PC screens;

(hint: my signature...)


-------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the guy that dreamed that he ate worlds biggest marshmallow ?

The guy woke up, and just couldn't find his pillow....


--------------------------------------------
More Headroom



--------------------------------------------

Rapping Flight Attendant



« Last Edit: January 06, 2010, 11:08:30 AM by SuperFlyer »

Offline MOSES

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This is a good one

"Mezuzah!"

Opening his front door, the Rabbi found himself
face to face with the local priest. "Rabbi, may I
have a few words with you?" asked the priest.
 
"Of course, Father," replied the Rabbi somewhat
nervously.
 
"Rabbi," began the priest, "It must be evident to
you that in this town we are plagued by thieves. 
Scarcely a day passes without one of my flock
coming to me bemoaning the fact that his house
has been broken into.. On the other hand, I have
noticed that thieves do not bother you Jews nearly
as much."

"Father, you are correct."

"Yes, but why is that?" inquired the priest.

"Look at this little box here on the side of my door
post," said the Rabbi. "It's called a mezuzah. We
Jews believe that when we put a mezuzah on the
entrances to our houses, the Holy One, may His Name
be blessed, protects both us and our property."
 
"In that case", replied the priest, "I must have one!"

Not wishing to be the cause of an incipient pogrom,
the Rabbi reluctantly handed over a mezuzah to the
priest.

Some two weeks later the Rabbi was awakened by
the sound of someone pounding violently on his door.
Dressing himself hastily, he made his way down the
stairs. "Who's there?" the Rabbi asked tremulously.

"Open the door! Open the door!" screamed a voice
on the other side. Leaving the door on the chain, the
Rabbi racked the door wide enough to see the priest
standing in front of him, his eyes wild with great
distraught.

"What happened?" asked the terrified Rabbi. "Were
you not protected from robbers?"

"I was! But these people were worse than robbers!"
screamed the priest.
 
"Who?" asked the rabbi.

"Fundraisers!!"
 

Offline Charles The Govenor

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Delta pilot turned engine on a little too early...
Awesome pix.




I'd love to fly with those guys, which mileage card should I present?





Cabin crew, landing in 2 minutes, BTW, the kid almost made it...






I somehow think the driver won't get a raise for some time...





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Offline MOSES

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you just quoted him?? I am confused!!

Offline SuperFlyer

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you just quoted him?? I am confused!!

me too, actually he added before the delta picture "Awesome pix."

Offline MOSES

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me too, actually he added before the delta picture "Awesome pix."
oh got it

Offline Dan

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"Whenever I see a man with a beard, a mustache, and glasses, I think, There's a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him"
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.