Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 836406 times)

Offline Baruch

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While attending a marriage seminar in Lakewood Crown Heights on communication, Chaim and his wife Shira listened to the instructor declare, "it's essential that husbands and wives are aware of the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, "can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Chaim leaned over to his wife and asked in a whisper, "Kemach All-Purpose, isn't it?"...
FTFY,  :P ;D

Offline dovy2

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Offline Technical Difficulties

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A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
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Offline Achas Veachas

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If you chose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance you will be correct?

A) 25%
B) 50%
C) 60%
D) 25%

Offline MC

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If you chose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance you will be correct?

A) 25%
B) 50%
C) 60%
D) 25%
A statistics teacher of mine once used this on the first day of class.  :)

Offline Achas Veachas

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A statistics teacher of mine once used this on the first day of class.  :)
Just saw it and my head is in the process of exploding...

Offline MC

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Just saw it and my head is in the process of exploding...
Lol, it's a probability paradox. Essentially, there are three answers – 25%, 50% and 60%.  So, if you choose one of these at random then you will have a 33% chance of being correct.  However, this is not one of the answers, so the real answer is 0%.

Offline Achas Veachas

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Lol, it's a probability paradox. Essentially, there are three answers – 25%, 50% and 60%.  So, if you choose one of these at random then you will have a 33% chance of being correct.  However, this is not one of the answers, so the real answer is 0%.
But you twice as likely to chose the correct answer if it's 25%....

Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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If you chose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance you will be correct?

A) 25%
B) 50%
C) 60%
D) 25%
What if C was 0%?  :P
I just found a new supply of forks!

Offline Achas Veachas

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I may be off here but this is how I understood the situation.

There are 4 answers, assuming ONE of them is correct you have a 25% of guessing it at random so the correct answer would be 25%.

Now I look at the actual choices and see there are two "25%" answers which gives me a 50% chance of guessing one of them at random so the correct answer becomes 50%.

However now there's only one 50% answer so I'm back with a 25% probability of guessing it and random..............................................

Offline MC

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But you twice as likely to chose the correct answer if it's 25%....
Okay, then think of it this way instead:

Can C be the answer?
There are 4 possibilities, so the probability of getting the correct one by picking at random has to be either : 0%, 25%, 50%, 75%, or 100%. Whatever the values or the answers are, those are the only possible values for the probability of being correct. 60% is not one of those values, so it's impossible for it to be a correct answer.

Can B be the answer?
If the probability of being right is 50%, it means that 2 of the 4 answers are correct. But only one of the answers is 50%, so it's not possible. B is not a correct answer.

Can A or D be the right answer?
If the probability of being right is 25%, it means that one of the 4 answers is correct, but there are two 25% answers, so it's not possible. A and D are not correct answers.

And now we've eliminated all the answers.

Offline ChaimMoskowitz

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Maybe the main lesson is: ambiguity and paradox are often the basis for a good joke.
I just found a new supply of forks!

Offline Achas Veachas

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Okay, then think of it this way instead:

Can C be the answer?
There are 4 possibilities, so the probability of getting the correct one by picking at random has to be either : 0%, 25%, 50%, 75%, or 100%. Whatever the values or the answers are, those are the only possible values for the probability of being correct. 60% is not one of those values, so it's impossible for it to be a correct answer.

Can B be the answer?
If the probability of being right is 50%, it means that 2 of the 4 answers are correct. But only one of the answers is 50%, so it's not possible. B is not a correct answer.

Can A or D be the right answer?
If the probability of being right is 25%, it means that one of the 4 answers is correct, but there are two 25% answers, so it's not possible. A and D are not correct answers.

And now we've eliminated all the answers.
So you said the same thing as me in a more formal way...

Offline MC

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So you said the same thing as me in a more formal way...
Essentially :)

Offline MosheD

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I may be off here but this is how I understood the situation.

There are 4 answers, assuming ONE of them is correct you have a 25% of guessing it at random so the correct answer would be 25%.

Now I look at the actual choices and see there are two "25%" answers which gives me a 50% chance of guessing one of them at random so the correct answer becomes 50%.

However now there's only one 50% answer so I'm back with a 25% probability of guessing it and random..............................................
Opening scene of 21...

Offline Los Angeles

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50%

Offline etech0

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http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/manufactured-spending/1644548-name-change-ms.html
Quote
Just wondering which states would allow 2 official names? I'm considering to change my name to "a gift for you" so that my id would match the name on card. and I would quit my current job for full time MS
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Offline ybeeds

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Why are jews so into all the government programs? It a "...הלכה למשה" in this week's Parshah "ותאמר לה בת פרעה  היליכי את הילד הזה והינקהו לי ואני אתן את שכרך ותקח האשה הילד ותניקהו" He was the first one on WIC...
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Offline Achas Veachas

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The Pope is making a tour of the United States and of course has a very busy schedule that he's trying his best to stick to. Unfortunately, things run a bit long at one stop and he has to make up time any way he can if he's to be on time for the next gathering. So he dismisses the rest of the entourage and takes off in his Popemobile with just his driver.

They're making good time on the back roads, but His Holiness is still worried they're going to be late. He tells his driver to floor it, but the fella refuses to push it any further. After all, he'd heard the police in those parts were tough on speeders and didn't want to find out first-hand.

This pisses off His Holiness and he orders the driver to pull over. He insists on doing the driving himself for he says no one will toss the Pope in jail. They take off in a cloud of dust, His Holiness at the wheel, his driver cowering in the back seat.

Not too much later a State Trooper pulls them over. The young man strides up to the car all businesslike and mean. This lasts right up until he sees who's driving. His face pasty-white, he heads back to his car to radio in for some advice.

"Uh, let me talk to the Chief ... Hello, sir. Sorry to trouble you, but I have a bit of a problem. Just pulled over a speeder and it turns out he's someone quite important. How should I handle this?"

"Depends on who you got, son. Let me guess, it's the Mayor, right? Had himself another snootful and on a tear?"

"Uh, no sir, not the Mayor."

"Bigger than that, eh? Not the Senator again! And don't tell me he had another young girl with him. It's getting awful hard to keep him out of the papers, you know."

"Uh, no sir, wasn't the Senator. Someone a lot more important."

"Well, who you got, son? The President?"

"I don't rightly know, sir. But whoever he is, he must be damned important because the Pope's his driver."

Offline Something Fishy

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Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii.

"They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."

"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome," replies the passerby.

Sorry, but the Hawaii nerd in me can't let this one pass :P:

In the Hawaiian language, it's actually pronounced Havaii...
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