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Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 717674 times)

Offline cholent

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1900 on: November 12, 2015, 11:22:50 PM »
Quote from: aygart on November 12, 2015, 11:04:53 PM
I can't figure out it which is funnier the original or the translation.
Not hard, definitely the translation
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Offline etech0

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1901 on: November 13, 2015, 10:37:49 AM »
Can someone give us a REAL translation?
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Offline grodnoking

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1902 on: November 13, 2015, 10:50:46 AM »
A litvak goes to a tisch. The rebba hands out kugel. The litvak takes with his hands. He looks around for a napkin to wipe his hands on, and sees none. He asks the chusid behind him how he is supposed to clean his hands? The chusid repiles "wipe it on the jacket of the chusid in front of you". He asks "he wont feel me doing that"? The chusid replied "did you"?
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Offline etech0

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1903 on: November 13, 2015, 11:54:30 AM »
Quote from: grodnoking on November 13, 2015, 10:50:46 AM
A litvak goes to a tisch. The rebba hands out kugel. The litvak takes with his hands. He looks around for a napkin to wipe his hands on, and sees none. He asks the chusid behind him how he is supposed to clean his hands? The chusid repiles "wipe it on the jacket of the chusid in front of you". He asks "he wont feel me doing that"? The chusid replied "did you"?
Oy vey!!
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Offline TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1904 on: November 13, 2015, 11:56:44 AM »
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Offline etech0

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1905 on: November 13, 2015, 12:26:54 PM »
Quote from: TimT on November 13, 2015, 11:56:44 AM
What ? It was delicious :)
For some reason I lost my appetite.
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Offline Dr Moose

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1906 on: November 13, 2015, 12:27:23 PM »
Quote from: etech0 on November 13, 2015, 12:26:54 PM
For some reason I lost my appetite.
And here i was craving kugel now ....
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Offline TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1907 on: November 13, 2015, 12:28:18 PM »
I'm going out to get some. Anybody wanna stand near me after I'm done ? :)
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Offline David Smith

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1908 on: November 13, 2015, 12:44:30 PM »
Quote from: TimT on November 13, 2015, 12:28:18 PM
I'm going out to get some. Anybody wanna stand near me after I'm done ? :)
I don't mind standing near you, but you may not want to stand near me.
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Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1909 on: November 13, 2015, 01:05:56 PM »
Quote from: TimT on November 13, 2015, 12:28:18 PM
I'm going out to get some. Anybody wanna stand near in front of me after I'm done ? :)
FTFY

I'll stand behind you...
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Offline TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1910 on: November 13, 2015, 01:07:57 PM »
Quote from: Work-for-ur-muny on November 13, 2015, 01:05:56 PM
I'll stand behind you...
Fine with me. I throw the empty container behind me. :P
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Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1911 on: November 13, 2015, 01:09:30 PM »
Quote from: TimT on November 13, 2015, 01:07:57 PM
Fine with me. I throw the empty container behind me. :P
Will lick it clean  :)
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Offline eliraps

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1912 on: November 14, 2015, 03:34:18 PM »
Anyone ever notice how the first page in the "lables for leibel" book says "this book belongs to...."
;)
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Offline ckmk47

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1913 on: November 14, 2015, 07:02:51 PM »
Quote from: eliraps on November 14, 2015, 03:34:18 PM
Anyone ever notice how the first page in the "lables for leibel" book says "this book belongs to...."
 ;)
;D
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Offline yochiek93

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1914 on: November 14, 2015, 07:34:23 PM »
Quote from: eliraps on November 14, 2015, 03:34:18 PM
Anyone ever notice how the first page in the "lables for leibel" book says "this book belongs to...."
;)
Can you post a pic of it
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Offline koplonko

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1915 on: November 14, 2015, 10:54:58 PM »
Quote from: grodnoking on November 13, 2015, 10:50:46 AM
A litvak goes to a tisch. The rebba hands out kugel. The litvak takes with his hands. He looks around for a napkin to wipe his hands on, and sees none. He asks the chusid behind him how he is supposed to clean his hands? The chusid repiles "wipe it on the jacket of the chusid in front of you". He asks "he wont feel me doing that"? The chusid replied "did you"?
I heard it about two Russians waiting in a bread line, one needed to relieve himself... Was told about the pocket of the guy in front of him...
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Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1916 on: November 15, 2015, 01:02:44 PM »
Quote from: eliraps on November 14, 2015, 03:34:18 PM
Anyone ever notice how the first page in the "lables for leibel" book says "this book belongs to...."
;)
Haha. Oxymoron
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Offline dudi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1917 on: December 01, 2015, 10:51:53 AM »
אבא חרדי ליטאי מסביר:

- אבא, איך ניצחנו את היוונים?

- בעזרת השם.

- אז בשביל מה המכבים?

- הם היו רק החיילים. השם עזר להם בעזרת השם, וברוך השם הם ניצחו.

- המכבים היו חיילים?

- אה... חיילים של השם, צבאות השם.

- אז המכבים היו חב"דניקים!

- לא! לא! חס וחלילה!! הם היו ליטאים.

- ליהודה המכבי היה נשק?

- כן.

- אז יהודה המכבי היה חילוני או גוי?

- חס ושלום, מה פתאום חילוני או גוי?

- אבל רק חילונים וגויים הולכים לצבא.

- פעם גם דתיים היו הולכים לצבא.

- למה המכבים הלכו לצבא ואנחנו לא?

- כי היום התורה שומרת עלינו.

- ואז התורה לא שמרה עליהם?

- אולי תלך עם מוישי לקרוא קצת משניות?

- המכבים למדו משניות?

- למדו תורה. הרבה תורה.

- ולא עבדו?

- חס ושלום.

- אז אנטיוכוס נתן להם כסף?

- לא. הם עבדו והרוויחו פה ושם.

- בשחור כמו דוד יענקי?

- יענקי לא עובד בשחור!

- אז במה עבד מתתיהו?

- הוא היה חקלאי.

- מתתיהו היה תאילנדי?

- ד' ירחם, מה פתאום תאילנדי?

- אז איך הוא עבד בשדה עם חולצה לבנה?

- ומנין לך שלבש חולצה לבנה?

- מוישי אמר לי שיהודי אמיתי הולך רק עם חולצה לבנה.

- אתה מבלה יותר מדי עם המוישי הזה. אבל הוא צודק.

- מה רצו המכבים?

- הם רצו מדינה יהודית עצמאית, שהם ינהלו אותה.

- זה גם מה שאנחנו רוצים?

- כן, אבל אסור לנו להגיד את זה. אנחנו לא ציונים.

- אבא, אני רוצה להיות מכבי, ציוני, חייל!!

- געוואלד! מה קרה לך?!

- בצחוק אבא, אני הולך להופעה של שוואקי.

- אה, יופי. תמסור ד"ש למשפחה של מוישי.
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Offline Dr Moose

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1918 on: December 01, 2015, 10:57:51 AM »
translation?
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Offline JoeyShmoe

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #1919 on: December 01, 2015, 11:10:54 AM »
Quote from: Dr Moose on December 01, 2015, 10:57:51 AM
translation?
IMO, it will lose all of the humor in translation, you have to know Israeli Lita'im in order to understand it (I myself, am fluent in Hebrew, and only got 90% of it)
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