Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 705470 times)

Offline akivak

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2100 on: May 05, 2016, 07:17:10 PM »

Offline whYME

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2101 on: May 05, 2016, 08:05:03 PM »
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?



One is very heavy and the other is a little lighter.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2102 on: May 05, 2016, 08:40:59 PM »
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is very heavy and the other is a little lighter.

ALOL
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Offline username

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^^^

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2104 on: May 09, 2016, 02:46:09 PM »
Test to see if you're a real photographer:

Imagine you're walking through a forest and you come across a perfect scene: an idyllic lake surrounded by perfect meadow, mist rising off its surface, birds chirping... but there's a man drowning.

You could only choose one: take a picture or save the man's life.

Which lens do you use?
« Last Edit: May 09, 2016, 03:03:51 PM by Something Fishy »
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Offline MosheD

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2105 on: May 09, 2016, 02:52:07 PM »
Test to see if you're a real photographer:

Imagine you're walking through a forest and you come across a perfect scene: an idyllic like surrounded by perfect meadow, mist rising of its surface, birds chirping... but there's a man drowning.

You could only choose one: take a picture or save the man's life.

Which lens do you use?
wow

Offline Centro

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2106 on: May 09, 2016, 03:01:46 PM »
Test to see if you're a real photographer:

Imagine you're walking through a forest and you come across a perfect scene: an idyllic like surrounded by perfect meadow, mist rising of its surface, birds chirping... but there's a man drowning.

You could only choose one: take a picture or save the man's life.

Which lens do you use?

Offline SuperFlyer

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2107 on: May 09, 2016, 03:22:12 PM »
Gary to friend: My wife told me that if I ever again dare going to the chess club she'll divorce me.
Friend: So, what did you?
Gary: E5 like usually.

Offline churnbabychurn

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2108 on: May 12, 2016, 10:14:13 AM »
Just set up a picture of Reb Shayala for my screen saver on my computer. Now I can't find the mouse...

Offline Live N Learn

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2109 on: May 25, 2016, 08:29:58 AM »
Just set up a picture of Reb Shayala for my screen saver on my computer. Now I can't find the mouse...

Was it corded or wireless?  ;D
".איזהו חכם, הלומד מכל אדם"

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2110 on: June 08, 2016, 09:57:08 AM »
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...

...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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Offline Emkay

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2111 on: June 08, 2016, 09:58:20 AM »
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...

...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Lol. That's great.

Offline stbaum

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2112 on: June 08, 2016, 09:58:47 AM »
random thought: when @User6669 and @Something Fishy post one after the other, it looks like the signatures are racing :)
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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2113 on: June 08, 2016, 10:01:05 AM »
random thought: when @User6669 and @Something Fishy post one after the other, it looks like the signatures are racing :)

Lol
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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2114 on: June 08, 2016, 10:56:57 AM »
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...

...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
LOL!!
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Offline SamKey

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2115 on: June 08, 2016, 11:47:09 AM »
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...

...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

AROFLMAO!

Offline stbaum

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2116 on: June 08, 2016, 11:47:45 AM »
My greatest achievement? I am fluent in FRIENDS quotes

Offline Luvtotravel

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2117 on: June 08, 2016, 02:58:48 PM »
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...

...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
took me a moment there!
Don't wait for the perfect moment; take the moment and make it perfect.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2118 on: June 08, 2016, 03:28:41 PM »
Mary Poppins went out to eat in a milchig restaurant. Upon leaving, they asked her to write a review of the food. She wrote:

"Super cauliflower cheese but eggs were quite atrocious"
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline Work-for-ur-muny

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2119 on: June 08, 2016, 05:49:26 PM »
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...

...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
We had a professor who gave us many cute lines with slightly changed wording. Here's one:

NEW YORK CITY - TEACHER ARRESTED:

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered  to be a NYC public school teacher was arrested trying to board a  flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, set square, slide  rule and calculator.

At a morning press conference, a White House spokesman said authorities believe the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," the spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like `x' and `y' and refer to themselves as `unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of mediaeval, with co-ordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."