Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 884545 times)

pointer · « **Reply #2520 on:** March 13, 2020, 01:02:42 AM »

There was a Yekke who came late for Mincha and he missed Ashrei.
Don't worry he made it for for Yoshvei.

ltttc · « **Reply #2521 on:** March 13, 2020, 10:40:12 AM »

Yankel was speeding and passed a red light. A cop pulled him over and requested license/registration. Not being able to afford any points, Yankel quickly forces an ugly sneeze onto his license and hands it to the cop. The cop quickly tells Yankel to go just this once and drive safely

chinagel · « **Reply #2522 on:** March 15, 2020, 11:39:39 AM »

Quote from: pointer on March 13, 2020, 01:02:42 AM

There was a Yekke who came late for Mincha and he missed Ashrei.
Don't worry he made it for for Yoshvei.

On that note, the Gabbai in a Yekke Shul once came by yoshvei. When he went around with the puske during chazaras hashatz, all the quarters fell on the floor.

ltttc · « **Reply #2523 on:** March 30, 2020, 12:48:37 PM »

Boy aged 4: "Dad, I've decided to get married."
Dad: "Wonderful! Do you have a girl in mind?"
Boy: "Yes...grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too...and she's the best cook and storyteller in the whole world!!!"
Dad: "That's nice, but we have a small problem there..."
Boy: "What problem?"
Dad: " She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother??"
Boy : Why not?! You married mine!!!"

ltttc · « **Reply #2524 on:** March 31, 2020, 07:06:23 PM »

"My husband got on my nerves today, so I poured some water next to the washing machine, and for two hours now it has been quiet as he tries to figure out where the problem is coming from.

stooges44 · « **Reply #2525 on:** April 01, 2020, 11:36:24 AM »

Try it seriously dont cheat its amazing
ALL MUST TRY!!!!!!! ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

(I love this part..
It's absolutely amazing!)

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

3....4....

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy!!:
Good isn't it.. 👍

ltttc · « **Reply #2526 on:** April 01, 2020, 01:10:58 PM »

Stepped on my scale this morning and it said: Please use social distancing, one person at a time.

ltttc · « **Reply #2527 on:** April 04, 2020, 09:45:30 PM »

Anyone else starting to get a tan from the light in the fridge?!

Yehudaa · « **Reply #2528 on:** April 22, 2020, 09:34:46 PM »

"I find that Zoom weddings seem to go quickly."

-a friend of mine

ltttc · « **Reply #2529 on:** April 27, 2020, 10:10:07 PM »

I'm not a very good sleeper.
But you know what? I'm willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That's just the kind of hard worker I am.

Davidthebest · « **Reply #2530 on:** April 28, 2020, 03:58:26 PM »

KARS 4 KIDS is a total scam!!!

I just called them offered them 1 of my kids and they wouldn't give me a car

Yonah · « **Reply #2531 on:** April 28, 2020, 04:40:28 PM »

Quote from: Davidthebest on April 28, 2020, 03:58:26 PM

KARS 4 KIDS is a total scam!!!

I just called them offered them 1 of my kids and they wouldn't give me a car

That was once one of their April Fool's day jokes. They changed their jingle to Kids for Kars. "You get a free vacation with every kid you trade in to us, where to - no where, being home without your kids is the vacation".

etech0 · « **Reply #2532 on:** April 28, 2020, 04:48:56 PM »

Quote from: Yonah on April 28, 2020, 04:40:28 PM

That was once one of their April Fool's day jokes. They changed their jingle to Kids for Kars. "You get a free vacation with every kid you trade in to us, where to - no where, being home without your kids is the vacation".

There was a cute website too

lubaby · « **Reply #2533 on:** April 28, 2020, 08:37:42 PM »

Quote from: etech0 on April 28, 2020, 04:48:56 PM

There was a cute website too

It’s still up.

http://kids4kars.org/

etech0 · « **Reply #2534 on:** April 28, 2020, 08:39:42 PM »

Quote from: lubaby on April 28, 2020, 08:37:42 PM

It’s still up.

http://kids4kars.org/

Nice! I went looking for it once and couldn't find, I wonder if it went down and back up.

Yonah · « **Reply #2535 on:** April 29, 2020, 04:52:17 PM »

Chaim's mom gave him two ties for his birthday - a red one and a blue one. He was very appreciative of the gift, and thanked her. A few weeks later, he was going to a family simcha, where he knew he'd see his mom, and decided that he should wear one of his birthday ties. The blue one matched best with his suit and shirt, and he wore it to the simcha.

When he got there, he walked over to his mother, expecting her to be pleased that he wore her most recent gift - only to find her with a scowl on here face. Her first words to him - "So I guess the red one you don't like?"

aygart · « **Reply #2536 on:** April 29, 2020, 05:00:33 PM »

Quote from: Yonah on April 29, 2020, 04:52:17 PM

Chaim's mom gave him two ties for his birthday - a red one and a blue one. He was very appreciative of the gift, and thanked her. A few weeks later, he was going to a family simcha, where he knew he'd see his mom, and decided that he should wear one of his birthday ties. The blue one matched best with his suit and shirt, and he wore it to the simcha.

When he got there, he walked over to his mother, expecting her to be pleased that he wore her most recent gift - only to find her with a scowl on here face. Her first words to him - "So I guess the red one you don't like?"

So he just went back to running on his wheel?

username · « **Reply #2537 on:** April 29, 2020, 05:03:32 PM »

Quote from: aygart on April 29, 2020, 05:00:33 PM

So he just went back to running on his wheel?

Took me a minute.

YitzyS · « **Reply #2538 on:** April 29, 2020, 07:26:03 PM »

Quote from: aygart on April 29, 2020, 05:00:33 PM

So he just went back to running on his wheel?

bcc @CountValentine

CountValentine · « **Reply #2539 on:** May 01, 2020, 06:51:16 PM »

Kayleigh McEnany, during first briefing as White House press secretary, pledges to ‘never lie'

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Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 884545 times)