Jokes Master Thread

[aygart]

Kayleigh McEnany, during first briefing as White House press secretary, pledges to ‘never lie'

Excluding that one.

[Help]

What are those pyramid shaped structures in Egypt called?

[justaregularguy]

What are those pyramid shaped structures in Egypt called?

good one
Welcome ! 👋

[Joeymc]

The coronavirus won't last long; it's made in China.

This

[YitzyS]

A Jew was on a train and he walked over to a Chinese man and punched him in the face.
"What was that for," the Chinese man asked.
"That was for what you did at Pearl Harbor!"
"But that was the Japanese!"
"Chinese, Japanese, same thing," the Jew responded.
Moments later, the Chinese guy punched the Jew back.
"Hey, what was that for?!" he asked.
"That was for the Titanic!"
"Titanic?? What does that have to do with me?!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, same thing!"

[S209]

You never appreciate what you have till it's gone.
Toilet paper is a good example.

This proved prescient..

[YitzyS]

.

[sguitarist18]

הבאתי עוגיות לבית הכנסת. מישהו שהתפלל שם שאל אותי אם הם מזונות. אמרתי חלילה, הם מאשתי

[justaregularguy]

הבאתי עוגיות לבית הכנסת. מישהו שהתפלל שם שאל אותי אם הם מזונות. אמרתי חלילה, הם מאשתי

first hebrew post i bothered to read  was worth it 👍

[sguitarist18]

Thanks!

[Yonah]

A cop notices a man driving solo in the HOV lane, and pulls him over. "Sir," he says to the driver, " you do realize that this is an HOV lane, and you need to have at least one other passenger in the car?"

"But officer, I do!" replied the driver, " we're trying to observe social distancing so he's riding in the car behind me".

[etech0]

[yeshivabucher]

[yuneeq]

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

“Who is the most obedient?” he asked.
“Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”

[Yonah]

Cohen is shipwrecked and washes ashore on a small island. After exploring for signs of life, he comes across a small village of 3 huts - including two with Stars of David on their entrances. He calls out, and lo and behold, another Jewish man walks out. He explains to Cohen that he was also shipwrecked and wanted to build a proper jewish community on the Island. Cohen asks him - "What's up with the huts?"

"Well", says the man, " the first building, without the start of David is my house; the one on the left, is the shul that I go to."

"What about the one on the right?" asks Cohen, alluding to the other building with the star of david, " Is that the Mikvah? Yeshiva?"

"No," replies the other man, "that's the shul I won't set foot in"

[joe1234]

Cohen is shipwrecked and washes ashore on a small island. After exploring for signs of life, he comes across a small village of 3 huts - including two with Stars of David on their entrances. He calls out, and lo and behold, another Jewish man walks out. He explains to Cohen that he was also shipwrecked and wanted to build a proper jewish community on the Island. Cohen asks him - "What's up with the huts?"

"Well", says the man, " the first building, without the start of David is my house; the one on the left, is the shul that I go to."

"What about the one on the right?" asks Cohen, alluding to the other building with the star of david, " Is that the Mikvah? Yeshiva?"

"No," replies the other man, "that's the shul I won't set foot in"

Did he end up getting saved??

P.s. I must’ve missed the boat..

[etech0]

Did he end up getting saved??

P.s. I must’ve missed the boat..

[Euclid]

Did he end up getting saved??

P.s. I must’ve missed the boat..

He obviously did. How else do we know this story?

[etech0]

He obviously did. How else do we know this story?

The other guy remembered the story

[lcm]

Or this illustration