Jokes Master Thread

[yos9694]

That is not the discussion.

The fact still stands (as a general rule, of course there are lots of acceptions).

But hey! as the Satmer rabbi once said to his chasid who was looking to get educated and go into accounting, "Why be busy with other peoples money, You make the money, and let others be busy with it"

When you have a community support system that protects you from a fear of failure, combined with a culture of being OK with asking others for help with starting out, chassidim are able to take big risks going into business and you see many examples where it paid off and then they become part of the support system for others. Litvaks do not have that and are more culturally incentivized to stick to safe routes for parnassa.

[yungermanchik]

I'm sure that all of those coming from EY to raise money and do better in Lakewood than anywhere else will back that one up. I am on @ExGingi 's side here. Bringing in chasidim or litvaks is nothing but vile sinas chinam. Shame on all of you!

absolutely, there's a a famous zog; אל תבטחו בנדיבים, בבן אדם שאין לו: תשועה

[drosenberg88429]

Once this thread is hijacked already, I always wondered does this statement apply to a bank account? The original context is that you shouldn’t count how much fruit you have so the bracha should apply to it. But a bank account is already quantified, not looking at the numbers doesn’t change anything.

This would depend on whether the reason that אין הברכה מצויה because of עין הרע (the מהרש'א ) or because הקב'ה is more likely to make a נס נסתר than a נס גלוי (the עיון יעקב). The gemara is definitely משמע like what you are saying. In theory, though, if the reason is עין הרע, then the less people that know about it the better, even if it's a known quantity. You example should be a נפקא מינא in this gemara. Excellent point.

[ExGingi]

I think you guys got it all wrong.

The joke has nothing to do with anyone being stingy.
It is all about Chasidim not knowing their math and English properly.

If you just passed on this "joke" and are trying to be מלמד זכות, that's wonderful. But the fact that quite a few took it to indicate stinginess, might hint that the intention was there. There are other ways to make a joke about the lack of English (and possibly math - though Where's the basis for that, as Torah is full of math) skills, even when trying to use a quarter as part of the joke, without the possibility that one would understand it to indicate stinginess.

Just my 2 cents (wait, is that being stingy?).

[etech0]

Why does the person in the joke even have to be Jewish?

[ExGingi]

Why does the person in the joke even have to be Jewish?

Exactly. AOC would fit perfectly in it.

[pointer]

A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife. “You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

[yungermanchik]

A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife. “You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

A much better joke about the multiple meanings of a quarter

[EliJelly]

I'm sure that all of those coming from EY to raise money and do better in Lakewood than anywhere else will back that one up. I am on @ExGingi 's side here. Bringing in chasidim or litvaks is nothing but vile sinas chinam. Shame on all of you!

Wow. Talk about taking a joke too serious. Vile sinas chinam, my goodness.
Btw, I spoke to multiple Meshuluchim, never have I heard that Lakewood is on top of their list. I did hear though that is has become a much more attracted point for them now versus 10 years ago.

[Mordyk]

Sad that i came to this thread for a joke and saw all this.

 How about any jokes that people can share?

[~King Lake~]

Sad that i came to this thread for a joke and saw all this.

How about any jokes that people can share?

If you have a choice between voting for biden or a sandwich. Which one would you choose tuna or eggs?

[etech0]

[EliJelly]

Yup that's why some people eat a lot of celery Rush hashona night

[whYME]

Yup that's why some people eat a lot of celery Rush hashona night

With raisins.

[etech0]

And some people eat it under the table

[yos9694]

And some people eat it under the table

It's only worth discussing the minhagim of ehrliche yidden

[drosenberg88429]

And some people eat it under the table

That's like the people that say Parshas HaMon בעל פה, so they should have good parnassa off the books.

[joe1234]

That's like the people that say Parshas HaMon בעל פה, so they should have good parnassa off the books.

Some people even say parshas hamon 3 times under 3 different names...

[Yehudaa]

[etech0]

A man calls his doctor in the middle of the night and says "Doctor, it's an emergency, I think my wife needs her appendix out"
Doctor says: "I took your wife's appendix out seven years ago. I never heard of anyone having a second appendix!"
Man answers: "Well did you ever hear of someone having a second wife?"