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http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 399663 times)

Offline yos9694

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2595 on: August 15, 2020, 09:55:12 PM »
And some people eat it under the table

It's only worth discussing the minhagim of ehrliche yidden

Offline drosenberg88429

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2596 on: August 15, 2020, 09:58:02 PM »
And some people eat it under the table

That's like the people that say Parshas HaMon בעל פה, so they should have good parnassa off the books.

Offline joe1234

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2597 on: August 16, 2020, 12:11:19 AM »
That's like the people that say Parshas HaMon בעל פה, so they should have good parnassa off the books.
Some people even say parshas hamon 3 times under 3 different names...

Offline Yehudaa

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2598 on: August 16, 2020, 12:36:21 AM »


Offline etech0

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2599 on: August 21, 2020, 11:16:56 AM »
A man calls his doctor in the middle of the night and says "Doctor, it's an emergency, I think my wife needs her appendix out"
Doctor says: "I took your wife's appendix out seven years ago. I never heard of anyone having a second appendix!"
Man answers: "Well did you ever hear of someone having a second wife?"
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline drosenberg88429

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2600 on: August 21, 2020, 11:20:51 AM »
A man calls his doctor in the middle of the night and says "Doctor, it's an emergency, I think my wife needs her appendix out"
Doctor says: "I took your wife's appendix out seven years ago. I never heard of anyone having a second appendix!"
Man answers: "Well did you ever hear of someone having a second wife?"

Reminds me of one of the blacker Jewish jokes:

A guy calls up the funeral director, and says "I need to arrange a funeral for my wife".

The director asks him "Didn't your wife die 5 years ago"?

"Yes, but I got remarried", answers the man.

"You did? Mazel tov!!!"

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2601 on: August 24, 2020, 11:19:37 AM »
In honor of my dad (z"l)'s birthday, one of his favorites:

Moshe runs into his old friend Chaim on the street. They start catching up. "Nu, Chaim, " says Moshe, "how's work these days?"
"To tell you the truth, I lost my job 2 years ago, and I have been looking ever since."
"Oy vey," says Moshe, " how are you supporting yourself?"
"Auf a Mofes", replies chaim
"Mamish a Mofes?", ask moshe
"No," laughs chaim," Mofes, it's an abbreviation - Medicaire, Welfare, Food Stamps, and Section 8".


Online yuneeq

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2602 on: August 24, 2020, 11:58:23 AM »
Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because anyone that can run, jump or swim is in the USA.

Offline Kobe Bryant

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2603 on: August 24, 2020, 04:06:57 PM »
My neighbors were just out walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be President someday. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members, were standing there so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, “I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! “Wow…what a worthy goal,” I said... “But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!"
“What do you mean?" she replied. So I told her, You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house. She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party!”
Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

Offline justaregularguy

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2604 on: August 25, 2020, 12:58:51 AM »
Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because anyone that can run, jump or swim is in the USA.
i feel like all the jokes in the world are in creation already. Just wait around long enough and the same jokes come back to you.  ;)
nothings impossible- the word itself says Im possible

Online moish

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2605 on: August 25, 2020, 06:09:48 AM »
Why is there a bridge in NY named after a Polish general? (Kosziusko)

It was supposed to be a tunnel

Offline YitzyS

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2606 on: August 25, 2020, 07:08:56 AM »
Why is there a bridge in NY named after a Polish general? (Kosziusko)

It was supposed to be a tunnel
Speaking of NY bridges, here's an interesting tidbit:

The Outerbridge Crossing was named after Eugenius Harvey Outerbridge (the first chairman of the then–Port of New York Authority and a resident of Staten Island).

Bet you didn't know that!
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Offline EliJelly

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2607 on: August 25, 2020, 09:26:35 AM »
And here is a classic joke on bridges.

The Romanian Infrastructure minister visited the Russian Infrastructure minister in his house in Moscow, seeing the glam and beauty of his mansion the Romanian minister wondered "Are you really being paid that much that you can afford such a mansion?" The Russian minister smiled, and said "Come to the window, do you see that bridge right across the river over there, that was supposed to cost $100 million, but I'm not stupid, I got it built for $50 million and pocketed the other half for myself.." The Romanian minister nodded in agreement. "Ah, common procedure in Russia"

The month after the Russian minister repaid a visit to his Romanian colleague. Seeing his enormous and gilded palace the Russian minister stunned in awe " Where is this coming from?? My home is a cottage in comparison to this one!" The Romanian minister smirked and walked his colleague to the terrace, "Do you see that bridge right there?" "Nope, I don't see anything!" replied the Russian, "Well" answered the Romanian cynically "There was supposed to be a bridge built over there for $100 million, but I'm not that stupid, I rather built this Palace instead".

 

Offline justaregularguy

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2608 on: August 25, 2020, 10:03:33 AM »
Speaking of NY bridges, here's an interesting tidbit:

The Outerbridge Crossing was named after Eugenius Harvey Outerbridge (the first chairman of the then–Port of New York Authority and a resident of Staten Island).

Bet you didn't know that!
yes i did. (didnt know the particular person but knew it was the name of a person)
nothings impossible- the word itself says Im possible

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2609 on: August 25, 2020, 10:25:18 AM »
I'm selling the Brooklyn bridge for 50% off
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?