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http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 420734 times)

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2625 on: September 22, 2020, 09:43:31 AM »
Seen on reddit:

A man sees a new medical clinic has opened on his block. The clinic has a bold sign that says - "$20 per visit, and if we can't cure you, will give you $100". He thinks to himself, easy money. So he walks into the clinic and tells the doctor he's lost his sense of taste. The doctor takes brings in a small vial of medicine and puts one drop on his tounge. The man recoils - "Eww, that's kerosene!" he cries. The Doctor turns to him and says - 'Looks like your sense of taste is back, that'll be $20"

The next week he tries again. This time he claims that he's suffering from memory loss, and pretends he'd never visited. The doctor again takes out a small vial, puts a drop on his tounge, and he says - "Eww, that's the same Kerosene you gave me the last time". "Looks like your memory is back, says the doctor, that'll be $20".

The guy waits two weeks, and tries to get $100 out of the doctor one last time. This time he enters the clinic and claims he is having vision problems. The doctor runs a few tests, and ultimately says to him. "You know what, I don't think I can fix your vision problems. Here's your $100" and hands the man a bill. The man takes the bill to put it in his wallet, and realizes that the doctor handed him a $20 bill! "Hey," he says to the Doctor, " what are you trying to pull? This is a $20!" The Doctor then grabs the $20 out of his hand and says - " well, I guess I did cure your vision problem after all, and you owe me another $20!"

Offline joe1234

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2626 on: September 22, 2020, 02:27:24 PM »
I'm selling the Brooklyn bridge for 50% off
Not settling for anything less than the entire bridge, sorry!

Offline Kobe Bryant

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2627 on: September 23, 2020, 11:37:07 AM »

Why was the Kosciuszko bridge named after a pollack?

It was supposed to be a tunnel...
i feel like all the jokes in the world are in creation already. Just wait around long enough and the same jokes come back to you.  ;)
Why is there a bridge in NY named after a Polish general? (Kosziusko)

It was supposed to be a tunnel

Offline lubaby

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2628 on: September 23, 2020, 08:06:48 PM »
Really old one:



A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

Offline good sam

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2629 on: September 24, 2020, 02:53:08 AM »
Really old one:



A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."
Scene from Animaniacs. Ridiculous the nonsense I remember.
If you don't care why would you comment?
HT: DMYD

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2630 on: September 25, 2020, 11:23:49 AM »
Scene from Animaniacs. Ridiculous the nonsense I remember.

Good news - they're coming back - to Hulu:


Offline Kobe Bryant

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2631 on: September 26, 2020, 08:34:42 PM »



Offline Lurker

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2632 on: September 26, 2020, 08:49:01 PM »


Repurposed from a really old blonde joke.
When you find yourself agreeing with me more often than not, it's time for a cheshbon hanefesh.

Offline Kobe Bryant

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2633 on: September 26, 2020, 08:56:37 PM »
Repurposed from a really old blonde joke.
And here I thought it was an AOC joke

Offline Lurker

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2634 on: September 26, 2020, 08:58:39 PM »
And here I thought it was an AOC joke

That young grasshopper? She was born after comedy was outlawed.
When you find yourself agreeing with me more often than not, it's time for a cheshbon hanefesh.

Offline etech0

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2635 on: September 26, 2020, 09:02:12 PM »
I heard it about Bush
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline Kobe Bryant

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2636 on: September 26, 2020, 09:16:05 PM »
That young grasshopper? She was born after comedy was outlawed.
You gotta live in the times.

Offline Dan

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2637 on: October 01, 2020, 09:04:09 AM »
גערער (חסיד גור) אחד נעלם בערב סוכות וחוזר אחרי שש שעות.

כשהוא חוזר, הוא מסביר לאשתו הכועסת שהלך לקנות אתרוג.

צועקת האישה: איתי התחתנת אחרי פגישה של חצי שעה, ולבחור
?אתרוג אתה צריך שש שעות

עונה הבעל בשלווה: איתך אני לא יוצא לרחוב...
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

Offline yos9694

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2638 on: October 01, 2020, 10:47:01 AM »
גערער (חסיד גור) אחד נעלם בערב סוכות וחוזר אחרי שש שעות.

כשהוא חוזר, הוא מסביר לאשתו הכועסת שהלך לקנות אתרוג.

צועקת האישה: איתי התחתנת אחרי פגישה של חצי שעה, ולבחור
?אתרוג אתה צריך שש שעות

עונה הבעל בשלווה: איתך אני לא יוצא לרחוב...

Does that joke apply this year?

Offline Dan

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2639 on: October 01, 2020, 10:48:26 AM »
Does that joke apply this year?
Even more so, everyone will be a Lubavitcher this year with outdoor minyanim.
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.