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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 400129 times)

Online YitzyS

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2655 on: October 22, 2020, 11:53:14 AM »

That's awesome! Where's that from?
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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2656 on: October 22, 2020, 11:58:30 AM »
That's awesome! Where's that from?
I've seen it before but this time it's copied from aish.com
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2657 on: October 26, 2020, 11:26:21 AM »
A yeshiva bochur calls the shadchan and presents an interesting request.
"I want the meanest, most obnoxious girl in the world. Find me a real witch, someone overbearing and unpleasant."
The shadchan naturally is surprised by the request, and she presses the boy to explain.
"My rebbi said that someone whose life is a living hell will get kaparah for their aveiros and will get a straight ticket into Gan Eden. I want to suffer through marriage."
The shadchan agreed, and called him back a short time later with a shidduch. The boy went out on a few dates, but did not discern any unpleasantness or attitude. Dejected, he called the shadchan.
"Don't worry," the shadchan assured. "I've gotten the worst reports possible about this girl. She must be just putting on a show because she's dating."
So the boy went out another few times, and they got engaged. After the marriage, he waited for her true personality to emerge, to no avail.
Finally, five years into their marriage, he turns to his sweet, gracious wife and confronts her about the discrepancy between her reputation and her actions.
His wife sneers at him. "I know why you married me," she replied. "And I want you to buuuuuuuurn!"
« Last Edit: October 26, 2020, 11:34:42 AM by YitzyS »
A moment on the clicks, forever on my stats

(yes, I'm talking about that blue button above)

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2658 on: November 01, 2020, 07:07:53 PM »


A moment on the clicks, forever on my stats

(yes, I'm talking about that blue button above)

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2659 on: November 03, 2020, 08:55:57 PM »
I wonder what happens when Joe Biden tries using Google Assistant 🤔
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline Yonah

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2660 on: November 06, 2020, 10:08:48 AM »
A young political upstart defeats an long-time incumbent as mayor of the city. He shows up to his first day on the job to find a note from his predecessor on his desk, the note reads as follows:

"Congratulations on your win. I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but as someone who has the experience of the office you're entering behind them, I decided to share some parting advice. In the top left drawer of your desk, I've left two notes on how to handle crises in office ( I figure you'll have at least two of them during your term). Open the letter marked 1 on the first scandal, and the letter marked 2 for the second."

A few months go by, and the new mayor experiences his first scandal. He remembers the letters, and opens the letter marked #1 - it has one sentence, it reads: "Blame everything on Me", and so he does. He blames the first scandal on the failings of the previous administration. The scandal passes and all is good.

A couple of years go by, and now he is facing his second scandal. He returns to the drawer, and opens letter #2, it too has one sentence:

"Sit Down, Write two letters"

Offline Randomex

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2661 on: November 10, 2020, 12:09:25 PM »
“I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do.
And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
Semi-skimmed is up 4 against skimmed with Gold Top topping out at 1000 yen, yoghurt and cream are pegged to the dinar...

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2662 on: November 17, 2020, 09:46:21 PM »
Save your time, I don't answer PM. Post it in the forum and a dedicated DDF'er will get back to you as soon as possible.

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2663 on: November 18, 2020, 09:40:41 AM »

Actually laughed out loud! Thanks!

Offline Randomex

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2664 on: November 22, 2020, 04:24:12 AM »
I am against people wearing fur, because of the slaughter of animals.
I am even more against fake fur, because they kill stuffed animals.
Semi-skimmed is up 4 against skimmed with Gold Top topping out at 1000 yen, yoghurt and cream are pegged to the dinar...

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2665 on: November 22, 2020, 07:28:38 AM »


A moment on the clicks, forever on my stats

(yes, I'm talking about that blue button above)

Offline justaregularguy

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2666 on: November 22, 2020, 11:46:41 AM »
nothings impossible- the word itself says Im possible

Offline TimT

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2667 on: November 22, 2020, 12:19:14 PM »
reads like something ***** would post.. :o
Please delete your post. We respect people’s anonymity around here. :)

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2668 on: November 22, 2020, 12:59:59 PM »
Please delete your post. We respect people’s anonymity around here. :)
Nah. I think my style is too different from Randomex that it is not possible that we are the same person.
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Offline Randomex

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2669 on: November 22, 2020, 01:15:33 PM »
(The joke wasn't that you were me, but that I was Kara.
Or is your misunderstanding a deliberate joke?)
Semi-skimmed is up 4 against skimmed with Gold Top topping out at 1000 yen, yoghurt and cream are pegged to the dinar...