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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 389452 times)

Offline S209

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2670 on: November 22, 2020, 01:17:55 PM »
(The joke wasn't that you were me, but that I was Kara.
Or is your misunderstanding a deliberate joke?)
It was a true @Randomex joke
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Online Yo ssi

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2671 on: November 22, 2020, 01:25:20 PM »
It was a true @Randomex joke
Time for a dedicated thread.

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Online Kobe Bryant

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2672 on: November 22, 2020, 01:26:19 PM »
(The joke wasn't that you were me, but that I was Kara.
Or is your misunderstanding a deliberate joke?)
Are you?

Offline YitzyS

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2673 on: November 22, 2020, 01:26:59 PM »
Time for a dedicated thread.

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And it should be on the General Discussion board. Or any board that will raise Randomex's post count and lower his post:like ratio.  :P
'When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.' -Mark Twain

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2674 on: November 22, 2020, 01:42:26 PM »
And it should be on the General Discussion board. Or any board that will raise Randomex's post count and lower his post:like ratio.  :P
Time for a new board? ;)

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2675 on: November 22, 2020, 04:23:53 PM »



Online Euclid

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2676 on: November 22, 2020, 04:25:43 PM »

I remember this one from Obama. (Also makes more sense about "wanting change".)

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2677 on: November 23, 2020, 05:34:09 PM »
***THE FUTURE--ORDERING PIZZA in 2022***

CALLER:
Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE: 
 No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:   
 I must have dialed a wrong number.  Sorry.
GOOGLE:   
 No sir, Google bought Gordonís Pizza last month.
CALLER:   
 OK.  I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:   
 Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sauteed onions, fried eggplant and mushrooms on a thick crust.
CALLER:   
 OK! Thatís what I want ...
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and eggplant on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:   
 What? That's gross!
GOOGLE:   
 Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:   
 How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.  We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your healthy pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only 1  box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER:   
 I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE:   
 That doesnít show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:   
 But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:   
 I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:
That doesnít show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER:   
 WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE:   
 I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:   
 I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first.  It expired 6 weeks ago...;

Offline ~King Lake~

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2678 on: November 24, 2020, 11:28:02 PM »
What does Chulent & a Rav have in common?
They both talk by Shaloshudes
I'm going crazy, wanna come along?

Offline YitzyS

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2679 on: November 24, 2020, 11:59:44 PM »
I asked at the library if they had any books on how to commit suicide. They said that they used to have many, but nobody ever returned them...
'When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.' -Mark Twain

Offline bestwatchman

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2680 on: November 25, 2020, 08:41:09 PM »
There was once an aguda convention in Israel over Thanksgiving. The American rabbis told the Israeli rabanim that on the American Thanksgiving we do kriyas hatorah every year, the Israelis went ballistic.  (They didn't understand its always on Thursday)

Offline yesitsme

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2681 on: Yesterday at 07:29:02 AM »
הגננת מספרת לילדות בגן כמה קשה היה בזמן אנטיוכוס הרשע...
הרומאים סגרו את כל הישיבות ואת התלמודי תורה...

"אז מה הבעיה???"
קופצת ילדה ממקומה,
שילמדו ב'זום'...😝

Online yitzgar

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2682 on: Yesterday at 09:06:17 AM »
It was the greeks not the romans

Offline YitzyS

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2683 on: Yesterday at 09:34:14 AM »
It was the greeks not the romans
Oh, you live in Cleveland? Do you know my friend? He lives in Detroit.
'When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.' -Mark Twain

Offline skyguy918

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Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2684 on: Yesterday at 10:39:09 AM »
It was the greeks not the romans
Even Greeks is a mistranslation. Hellenists or Seleucids is better, or Syrian-Greeks maybe.