Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 840312 times)

Offline bestwatchman

  • Dansdeals Platinum Elite
  • ****
  • Join Date: May 2010
  • Posts: 301
  • Total likes: 55
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2680 on: November 25, 2020, 08:41:09 PM »
There was once an aguda convention in Israel over Thanksgiving. The American rabbis told the Israeli rabanim that on the American Thanksgiving we do kriyas hatorah every year, the Israelis went ballistic.  (They didn't understand its always on Thursday)

Offline yesitsme

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Dec 2014
  • Posts: 5129
  • Total likes: 2240
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 4
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2681 on: November 26, 2020, 07:29:02 AM »
הגננת מספרת לילדות בגן כמה קשה היה בזמן אנטיוכוס הרשע...
הרומאים סגרו את כל הישיבות ואת התלמודי תורה...

"אז מה הבעיה???"
קופצת ילדה ממקומה,
שילמדו ב'זום'...😝

Online yitzgar

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Dec 2016
  • Posts: 3301
  • Total likes: 1362
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2682 on: November 26, 2020, 09:06:17 AM »
It was the greeks not the romans

Offline YitzyS

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2015
  • Posts: 5975
  • Total likes: 15254
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 34
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood, NJ
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2683 on: November 26, 2020, 09:34:14 AM »
It was the greeks not the romans
Oh, you live in Cleveland? Do you know my friend? He lives in Detroit.

Offline skyguy918

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Mar 2011
  • Posts: 4109
  • Total likes: 877
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: Queens, NY
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2684 on: November 26, 2020, 10:39:09 AM »
It was the greeks not the romans
Even Greeks is a mistranslation. Hellenists or Seleucids is better, or Syrian-Greeks maybe.

Offline ~King Lake~

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Mar 2019
  • Posts: 1309
  • Total likes: 1020
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: i wish israel
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2685 on: November 26, 2020, 05:24:22 PM »
A doughnut a day keeps the ? ? ? away

What do you think belongs in there?
I’m in shape, round is a shape…

Online yeshivabucher

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Mar 2018
  • Posts: 2226
  • Total likes: 724
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 6
    • View Profile
  • Location: Monsey
  • Programs: Travel Agent, Marriott Gold, Hertz PC, National EE, Uber VIP, SPG Gold
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2686 on: November 26, 2020, 05:32:57 PM »
A doughnut a day keeps the six pack away


Online TimT

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 20K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 23016
  • Total likes: 7534
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 12
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2687 on: November 26, 2020, 06:34:54 PM »
A doughnut a day keeps the ? ? ? away

What do you think belongs in there?
Certainly not cops

Offline PlatinumGuy

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Apr 2011
  • Posts: 15187
  • Total likes: 2486
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 11
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2688 on: November 26, 2020, 06:58:24 PM »
Keeps the belt buckle far away
״וזה כלל גדול: שישנא אדם כל דבר שקר. וכל מה שיוסיף שנאה לדרכי השקר – יוסיף אהבה לתורה.״ - אורחות צדיקים

Offline ~King Lake~

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Mar 2019
  • Posts: 1309
  • Total likes: 1020
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: i wish israel
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2689 on: November 26, 2020, 08:31:35 PM »
A doughnut a day keeps the cravings away

What do you think belongs in there?
I'd put it this way 👆
I’m in shape, round is a shape…

Online etech0

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 13250
  • Total likes: 3923
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: not lakewood
  • Programs: DDF
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2690 on: November 26, 2020, 08:37:36 PM »
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline ~King Lake~

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Mar 2019
  • Posts: 1309
  • Total likes: 1020
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: i wish israel
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2691 on: November 26, 2020, 08:38:38 PM »
disagree
At how much would you agree?
I’m in shape, round is a shape…

Online etech0

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 13250
  • Total likes: 3923
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: not lakewood
  • Programs: DDF
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2692 on: November 26, 2020, 08:54:41 PM »
At how much would you agree?
Depends how big they are and what's inside / on top and how many you ate yesterday
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline Kobe Bryant

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jan 2017
  • Posts: 4199
  • Total likes: 2465
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 20
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2693 on: November 27, 2020, 09:14:39 AM »
‏בעולם הישיבות שואלים למה יעקב לא אמר ללבן שהתרפים קמו וברחו איתו יחד, כמו שאברהם אמר לתרח שהפסילים קמו והיכו זה את זה?

אלא שאת השקרים שאתה מוכר לאבא שלך - אתה לא יכול למכור לשווער

Online etech0

  • Dansdeals Lifetime 10K Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 13250
  • Total likes: 3923
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 1
    • View Profile
  • Location: not lakewood
  • Programs: DDF
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2694 on: November 27, 2020, 09:15:50 AM »
‏בעולם הישיבות שואלים למה יעקב לא אמר ללבן שהתרפים קמו וברחו איתו יחד, כמו שאברהם אמר לתרח שהפסילים קמו והיכו זה את זה?

אלא שאת השקרים שאתה מוכר לאבא שלך - אתה לא יכול למכור לשווער
Quote
In the yeshiva world, people ask why Yaakov did not tell Laban that the therapists got up and fled with him, just as Avraham told Terah that the psalms got up and beat each other?

But the lies you sell to your father - you can not sell to the gate
Workflowy. You won't know what you're missing until you try it.

Offline Kobe Bryant

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jan 2017
  • Posts: 4199
  • Total likes: 2465
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 20
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2695 on: November 27, 2020, 09:18:05 AM »

Many a people were killed in the olden days because of translators.

Offline cholent

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: Aug 2014
  • Posts: 2758
  • Total likes: 549
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2696 on: November 27, 2020, 09:44:12 AM »
Don't ask stupid questions and you won't get stupid answers

Offline Mordyk

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: May 2013
  • Posts: 4234
  • Total likes: 1134
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 3
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: Some of this and some of that.
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2697 on: November 27, 2020, 10:14:01 AM »
A doughnut a day keeps the all the pants in my closet that i don't get rid of because i will lose weight and it will fit again away


Offline Lurker

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2019
  • Posts: 5141
  • Total likes: 6403
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: As always, silence is NOT an admission of agreement on DDF. It just means that people lack the stamina to keep on arguing with made up "facts", illogical arguments, deceiving statements, nasty and degrading comments, and fuzzy math. - @yelped
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2698 on: November 27, 2020, 10:42:52 AM »


You have those, too? I have more clothes I'd like to fit into than clothes I can actually wear.
Failing at maintaining Lurker status.

Offline YitzyS

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jan 2015
  • Posts: 5975
  • Total likes: 15254
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 34
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Location: Lakewood, NJ
Re: Jokes Master Thread
« Reply #2699 on: November 27, 2020, 10:44:42 AM »
I find it pathetic that a whole group of DDFers seem to believe that one needs a REASON to eat a donut