Jokes Master Thread

[WAM]

Mazal tov @ChaimMoskowitz
I didn't realize you could renew an engagement.

[Dan]

[Euclid]

Lol nice

[Luvtotravel]

if you go into the bathroom an american, and you come out of the bathroom an american, what are you while in the bathroom?
European

[sguitarist18]

Why old people don't get hired (sent to me by an older person):

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"
 
Old Man : "Honesty."
 
Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
 
Old Man : "I don't really give a s%$t what you think."

[skyguy918]

if you go into the bathroom an american, and you come out of the bathroom an american, what are you while in the bathroom?
European

And sometimes on the way to the bathroom you're a Russian.

[Randomex]

http://sndup.net/yt7b

[bochur22]

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
-Emo Philips

[ckmk47]

https://crownheights.info/satire/809493/satire-mishna-bruriah-the-never-written-teachings-of-bruriah/

[mevinyavin]

[g_t]

Knock knock

[lcm]

Knock knock

Who's there?

[g_t]

Who's there?

[g_t]

It was just a package.

[lcm]

It was just a package.

Haha

[g_t]

Haha

Since you've been such a great crowd Ill give you one more.

Knock knock

[YitzyS]

Since you've been such a great crowd Ill give you one more.

Knock knock

Yo, it's 2023. Ring that bell!

[JMHO]

Yo, it's 2023. Ring that bell!

No need to ring, my app already alerted me!

[sguitarist18]

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
-Emo Philips

This is so much funnier when I imagine Emo Philips saying it.

[g_t]

Yo, it's 2023. Ring that bell!

Ding Dong