Jokes Master Thread

[HudZ]

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

[HudZ]

I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face, when she scanned the packet of bird seed and I asked her how long it takes for the birds to grow once I plant them.

[aygart]

I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face, when she scanned the packet of bird seed and I asked her how long it takes for the birds to grow once I plant them.

“I'll never forget walking down one of the aisles (of the grocery store) and seeing powdered milk; just add water and you get milk. Right next to it was powdered orange juice; just add water and you get orange juice. Then I saw baby powder, and I thought to myself, What a country!”
― Yakov Smirnoff

[YitzyS]

“I'll never forget walking down one of the aisles (of the grocery store) and seeing powdered milk; just add water and you get milk. Right next to it was powdered orange juice; just add water and you get orange juice. Then I saw baby powder, and I thought to myself, What a country!”
― Yakov Smirnoff

There is a darker version of that joke...

"Walking down the aisle and saw protein powder - it's ground protein. Then I saw oat powder - it's chopped up oats. Then I saw baby powder..."

[HudZ]

This reminds me of the guy who walked into a convenience shop and asked for a bottle of mouthwash. The worker hands him the bottle, and then the customer proceeds to ask, do you have a straw?

[HudZ]

So I was at Walmart earlier
A lady was looking at frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough.
She asked the stock boy, "do these turkeys get any bigger?"
He replied with a straight face, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Made my week.

[HudZ]

My friend told me I was singing off tune. I told him, NO, it's a remix!

[Dawie]

During her flight between London and Tel Aviv 70 year old Leah gets terribly angry

This is because the kosher meal she ordered when she first booked her flight was not on the plane

And since she is not one to meddle with Leah complains to a stewardess

She finally asks to see the captain

Sitting on the other side of the aisle to Leah is Naomi Gold

When she hears of Leah's problem she leans over to Leah and says:

"I hope you don't mind me saying this

But I think it's a bit unfair of you to blame the airline for not having any kosher food on board today"

"Oh really? Why do you say that?" asks Leah

"Because today is Yom Kippur" replies Naomi

[Sam 77]

During her flight between London and Tel Aviv 70 year old Leah gets terribly angry

This is because the kosher meal she ordered when she first booked her flight was not on the plane

And since she is not one to meddle with Leah complains to a stewardess

She finally asks to see the captain

Sitting on the other side of the aisle to Leah is Naomi Gold

When she hears of Leah's problem she leans over to Leah and says:

"I hope you don't mind me saying this

But I think it's a bit unfair of you to blame the airline for not having any kosher food on board today"

"Oh really? Why do you say that?" asks Leah

"Because today is Yom Kippur" replies Naomi

Would be a funny joke if Ben-Gurion was open on Yom Kippur

[Dawie]

Would be a funny joke if Ben-Gurion was open on Yom Kippur

landing after YK

dissecting the frog thread?

[HudZ]

landing after YK

dissecting the frog thread?

The whole joke NEEDS dissecting. I really don't get it.