Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 714152 times)

SuperFlyer · « **Reply #340 on:** April 07, 2011, 08:02:01 PM »

A guy comes into a fancy kosher restaurant in NY ??Asks for the specials of the day, ??Entrecote is amazing, but 65 USD per person, ?What?? That is crazy, no sir don't worry most of our benefit goes to israel, ??so he orders, and same thing for all the other dished, ??Chocolate cake 25 USD ??But since it is all for Israel...., ??then he asks for the bill ??and the waiter calls the owner in the back of the restaurant: ??''Israel, please bring the gentleman his bill''

SuperFlyer · « **Reply #341 on:** April 07, 2011, 08:02:28 PM »

An Anti-Semite walks into a bar and sees a Jew so he walks over to the bartender and orders an expensive drink for everyone except for the JEW,

He looks at the Jew and sees the Jew is smiling so he goes and buys another round for everyone except for the Jew and the Jew is still smiling.

So he walks over to the bartender and asks him what's with that Jew is he an
idiot or something ..

Oh no, he's the owner!!

MOSES · « **Reply #342 on:** April 10, 2011, 03:53:39 AM »

&feature=player_embedded#at=194

Crazy tools · « **Reply #343 on:** April 13, 2011, 01:56:31 AM »

A lady was moving the couch to clean it for pesach, her friend asked her, "why don't you wait for your husband to come home?" she replied, "its easier to move it without someone sitting on it!"

SuperFlyer · « **Reply #344 on:** April 13, 2011, 04:25:25 AM »

Msg: URGENT: While scrubbing, please have in mind the name Yom Tov Pesach ben Ahoover Shpritzer. Undergoing a major cleaning operation. Pass on.

Avid Reader · « **Reply #345 on:** April 28, 2011, 12:51:06 AM »

Got this text message before Pesach:

A new Kol Koreh is being passed around urging people not to put Mr Clean in the same closet together with Lady Fingers. Sofek Yichud.

Dan · « **Reply #346 on:** April 29, 2011, 04:43:13 PM »

Oldie but goodie:

Avid Reader · « **Reply #347 on:** May 01, 2011, 02:41:31 AM »

Duckling chases dog

AsherO · « **Reply #348 on:** May 01, 2011, 03:26:30 AM »

Quote from: Avid Reader on May 01, 2011, 02:41:31 AM

Duckling chases dog

Poor dog, tzaar ba'alei chaim IMHO...

mancunian · « **Reply #349 on:** May 01, 2011, 08:53:38 AM »

Quote from: Avid Reader on May 01, 2011, 02:41:31 AM

Duckling chases dog

officially a DDF member?

Avid Reader · « **Reply #350 on:** May 01, 2011, 01:12:59 PM »

Quote from: mancunian on May 01, 2011, 08:53:38 AM

officially a DDF member?

Who, me or the duck?

Yisha · « **Reply #351 on:** May 02, 2011, 01:53:29 PM »

Read it you'll like it (if you're fluent in Yiddish)

Avid Reader · « **Reply #352 on:** May 02, 2011, 08:48:08 PM »

Quote from: Yisha on May 02, 2011, 01:53:29 PM

Read it you'll like it (if you're fluent in Yiddish)

Nice!

SuperFlyer · « **Reply #353 on:** May 03, 2011, 10:25:18 AM »

Askanim in pakistan are overwhelmed from the load of work, 12 almona's 180 yesoimim, that's a hell of a lot of shiva chairs.

SuperFlyer · « **Reply #354 on:** May 03, 2011, 10:30:25 AM »

?איינער ווייסט אפשר ווי די נטורא קרתא זיצן שבעה

Chaikel · « **Reply #355 on:** May 03, 2011, 01:02:53 PM »

My 6 year old sister asked my mother yesterday if Esav looked like Elmo
(True story)

mendoul · « **Reply #356 on:** May 03, 2011, 02:26:56 PM »

so funny video!! every body must watched!!!!!

AsherO · « **Reply #357 on:** May 04, 2011, 01:03:49 AM »

Quote from: mendoul on May 03, 2011, 02:26:56 PM

so funny video!! every body must watched!!!!!

+100 extremely funny, thanks for sharing.

Even funnier if you get all the Israeli nuances.

This one (from the same source) is ingenious as well:

SuperFlyer · « **Reply #358 on:** May 17, 2011, 01:10:23 PM »

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome Italy.
One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
A priest comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross, but none give to the beggar holding the
Star of David.
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand??
This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism.
People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of
David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is
holding a Cross."
The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listened to the priest, turned to the beggar with the Cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing.”

henche · « **Reply #359 on:** May 18, 2011, 02:50:23 PM »

Video games ruined my life....
....good thing I have two more lives.

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Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread (Read 714152 times)