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http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 400526 times)

Offline Achas Veachas

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reminds me of a joke.
a guy is driving and gets a flat tire. he pulls over in front of an insane asylum to change the tire. he takes off the lug nuts, removes the tire, and puts on the new one. as hes about to put the lug nuts back on he accidentally drops them into a storm drain. hes sitting there wondering what to do when an inmate shouts from a window of the asylum, "take one lug nut from each of the other 3 tires and that will get you to the mechanic". he does that and yells back "if you are so smart why are you in there". the guy answered "i may be crazy/meshuga but that doesnt mean im stupid".
Theres actually a story about a meshugener who wanted to meet the Rebbe RaSha"B, and when the Gabbay wouldn't allow him he snuck into the Rebbes waggon during his daily trip, when the Chassidim asked him how dare he he answered "משוגע משוגע אבער שכל דארף מען האבן" (I guess loosely translated "You may be crazy but you still have to use your head")

Offline Moishebatchy

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Its the toaster thats the problem, the flush is ok
Huh?

Offline Bettracker

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Theres actually a story about a meshugener who wanted to meet the Rebbe RaSha"B, and when the Gabbay wouldn't allow him he snuck into the Rebbes waggon during his daily trip, when the Chassidim asked him how dare he he answered "משוגע משוגע אבער שכל דארף מען האבן" (I guess loosely translated "You may be crazy but you still have to use your head")

I don't exactly get it.

Offline SamDaMan

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Huh?
he's saying that when the automatic toilet flushes b4 ur done its fine but when the toaster pops out the bread b4 its done its like excuse me but I'm not done yet get back in there
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Offline Moishebatchy

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he's saying that when the automatic toilet flushes b4 ur done its fine but when the toaster pops out the bread b4 its done its like excuse me but I'm not done yet get back in there

Ah. Thanks. :)

Offline YOSEF

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Only Smart People Will Get This: 2+2= Fish, 3+3= Eight, 7+7= Triangle, 4+4 = Arrow, 8+8 = Butterfly.
Not a joke.
In addition, smart and visual comprehension/twisting things around in your head, are two different things.
Besides for the fact that it isn't true.
3+3=would make the 3s overlap as much as possible, whereas the 7s and 8s wouldn't overlap at all, and the 4s and 2s would overlap partially. Also, the 4, once turned around, would need to cross over the other 4, which the other numbers don't need to do.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2012, 02:38:08 PM by YOSEF »

Offline meshugener

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My kapura says...
Loading your avairos... please wait.
20%....
40%
60%....
Sorry. Memory is full!
Please take another chicken to complete"
Love me or hate me. I still love you.

Offline Achas Veachas

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Wow! impressive! you got 60% of your Aveiros onto 1 chicken?

Offline PlatinumGuy

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This is almost a true story:

3 guys sitting on a plane to IAH. Two big Texans and a small Jew with hunched shoulders in between them...

First guy says, 'howdy, my name is ivan johns, I have me 5000 acres, me 5000 livestock, they call me big johns'. Other guy says, Jack Dong, have me 5000 acres, me 5000 cows, they call me big dong.

They turn to the jew, nu, what do u have? 5 acres... So they say '5 acres????!!! what do they call your place?'

'Downtown Houston'
Covid is AIRBORNE. Open some windows instead of washing your hands

Offline HelpMe

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I just test drove the new Jewish auto. Not only does it stop on a dime but it picks it up also.  :P
"Elvis Has Left The Building"

Offline Chaikel

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I just test drove the new Jewish auto. Not only does it stop on a dime but it picks it up also.  :P
I hope you converted before making that joke ;)
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Offline HelpMe

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I hope you converted before making that joke ;)
Thats another joke but I won't go there.  :)
"Elvis Has Left The Building"

Offline shmuelb

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Thats another joke but I won't go there.  :)

I actually liked that one, if ikwym.
siyag lachachma :-)

Offline SamDaMan

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@TURXJOKES: It seems New York has two minor league teams...
The Mets in the regular season and the Yankees in the postseason...
But I'm still proud to be from clev!

Offline SamDaMan

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@rotflmto: Me: "Can you write in the dark?" Dad: "I think so, why?" Me: "I need you to sign my report card."
But I'm still proud to be from clev!