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If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 317663 times)

Offline ChAiM'l

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Accents, Excellent
GREAT!!!! (Coming from an "inTelligenT englishman....)

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Accents, Excellent

Apparently this guy has been opening the Chabad Telethon for the past few years!
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At Mr Silver's Bar Mitzva, he asks his Rabbi to speak for five minutes. The Rabbi says he cant talk because he left his teeth at home, so he send his Shamash to run to his house and bring him his teeth. When he gets the teeth he gets up and starts speaking. 5 min. then ten, 20, 30, 40 and he keeps speaking. After an hour he finally gets down. Mr. Silver is not too happy and asks the Rabbi, "I told you to speak for only five minutes, what happened?" The Rabbi says "oy, my Shamash brought me my wife's teeth!

Offline SuperFlyer

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A guy walking suddenly sees a levaya, and behind the car of the chevra kadisha walks a dog followed by hundreds of people.
When asking some people what this dog is doing there, they tell him: this dog killed mr freedkops shvigger.
So they says: hey, I also want such a dog.
So they reply: well, so go wait for your turn in line, like everyone...
« Last Edit: May 28, 2010, 04:33:01 AM by SuperFlyer »

Offline Chaikel

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Why did the Yeshivish guy/Brisker pour beer into a urinal?

Shibuda d'Rav Nosson.


How did the Yeshivish guy/Brisker eat soup with a fork?

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Offline SuperFlyer

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Lovely.

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why did th brisker go down to his chuppah with his pants off??




Ke'sheim she'nichnas li'bris.........
« Last Edit: May 29, 2010, 10:42:03 PM by Crazy tools »

Offline YOSEF

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amazing

Offline YOSEF

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I once heard that briskers are makpid to eat on certain fast days which are only d`rabbunun because of the d`orysah of u`shmartem es nafshoseichem.
Given that...
A newly married brisker comes home after shachris on asuhra b`teves and sees a bare dining room table.  Turning to his wife, he asks, "where's breakfast?"
"but its asuhra b`teves", she replies in wonderment.
"I thought you knew that briskers are makpid to eat though", he retorts.
"Ok. I didn't realize", she says. "why don't you go into the living room and learn a little while I make breakfast?"
Twenty minutes later the Kallah calls in her husband for breakfast.  Seeing the table set for two, he turns to his wife and asks "why is the table set for two?"
"What do you mean? I made us breakfast", she answers.
the husband turns to his wife and asks, "But who said you're frum enough to keep my chumrahs?"

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maybe we should make a special thread special for brisker jokes, there seems to be lots of them!!

Offline SuperFlyer

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(Hope this one isn't over the limit).

What's a brisK mila?

Answer: Not just taking of the orlo, also truma, maaser, and a kabaytso...

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the title of this thread says "any type goes", I guess I can't have taanis on you!!

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it used to be that all jokes had a pollok,jew & shvartza in them, now their all about briskers!!

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Ok, the shvarzes need some attention too:

A brisker, with his thoughts deep in the "kvetshen", walks into the "wrong" neighborhood.

A shvartze points his gun at the briske, and says: I'm gonna kill you right now !
So the brisker closes his eyes, and starts reciting (in the brisk "shma" manner): Boruch ato atto atto.....ho'oy-ho-oylom-ho'oyylommm, lo'mus-lomuss al kidush hashem!
the shvartze sees that his is dealing with a whacko, decides to spare the guy, and walks off.
At the end of the brocho the brisker opens his eyes, and see the shvartze walking away, so he screams at him: Nuuuu, hefsek !

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Ok, the shvarzes need some attention too:

A brisker, with his thoughts deep in the "kvetshen", walks into the "wrong" neighborhood.

A shvartze points his gun at the briske, and says: I'm gonna kill you right now !
So the brisker closes his eyes, and starts reciting (in the brisk "shma" manner): Boruch ato atto atto.....ho'oy-ho-oylom-ho'oyylommm, lo'mus-lomuss al kidush hashem!
the shvartze sees that his is dealing with a whacko, decides to spare the guy, and walks off.
At the end of the brocho the brisker opens his eyes, and see the shvartze walking away, so he screams at him: Nuuuu, hefsek !

Or Brocho Levatala..