Topic Wiki

If you actually laugh out loud, write AALOL

http://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=344.msg1561282#msg1561282
« Last edited by Baruch on September 18, 2016, 09:14:18 PM »

« previous next »
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7 8 9 10 11 12 ... 166   Go Down

Author Topic: Jokes Master Thread  (Read 317663 times)

Offline ChAiM'l

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jan 2010
  • Posts: 1819
  • Total likes: 30
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 4
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #75 on: May 27, 2010, 07:19:26 PM »
Quote from: SuperFlyer on May 27, 2010, 10:02:44 AM
Accents, Excellent
GREAT!!!! (Coming from an "inTelligenT englishman....)
Logged

Offline Avid Reader

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 4016
  • Total likes: 6
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: NYC
  • Programs: Starwood Gold, Accor Gold, Hilton Gold, Hertz Five Star Gold, Marriott Silver, National Executive
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #76 on: May 27, 2010, 11:16:17 PM »
Quote from: SuperFlyer on May 27, 2010, 10:02:44 AM
Accents, Excellent

Apparently this guy has been opening the Chabad Telethon for the past few years!
&feature=related
Logged

Offline Avid Reader

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 4016
  • Total likes: 6
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: NYC
  • Programs: Starwood Gold, Accor Gold, Hilton Gold, Hertz Five Star Gold, Marriott Silver, National Executive
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #77 on: May 27, 2010, 11:26:16 PM »
At Mr Silver's Bar Mitzva, he asks his Rabbi to speak for five minutes. The Rabbi says he cant talk because he left his teeth at home, so he send his Shamash to run to his house and bring him his teeth. When he gets the teeth he gets up and starts speaking. 5 min. then ten, 20, 30, 40 and he keeps speaking. After an hour he finally gets down. Mr. Silver is not too happy and asks the Rabbi, "I told you to speak for only five minutes, what happened?" The Rabbi says "oy, my Shamash brought me my wife's teeth!
Logged

Offline SuperFlyer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Posts: 8655
  • Total likes: 53
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #78 on: May 28, 2010, 03:58:34 AM »
A guy walking suddenly sees a levaya, and behind the car of the chevra kadisha walks a dog followed by hundreds of people.
When asking some people what this dog is doing there, they tell him: this dog killed mr freedkops shvigger.
So they says: hey, I also want such a dog.
So they reply: well, so go wait for your turn in line, like everyone...
« Last Edit: May 28, 2010, 04:33:01 AM by SuperFlyer »
Logged

Offline Chaikel

  • Global Moderator
  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • **********
  • Join Date: Jun 2008
  • Posts: 6770
  • Total likes: 48
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 20
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: LH SEN, SPG Plat, Hyatt Plat, Rav Kav Platinum
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #79 on: May 28, 2010, 08:27:50 AM »
Why did the Yeshivish guy/Brisker pour beer into a urinal?

Shibuda d'Rav Nosson.


How did the Yeshivish guy/Brisker eat soup with a fork?

Lovud
Logged
Create professional looking itineraries.
Free trial! Check out eliteitinerary.com
Code:DD

Offline SuperFlyer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Posts: 8655
  • Total likes: 53
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #80 on: May 28, 2010, 08:47:32 AM »
Lovely.
Logged

Online Crazy tools

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jan 2010
  • Posts: 2151
  • Total likes: 3
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: United Club, Avis Presidents, Hertz Presidents Circle, National Executive Elite, SPG Gold
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea s
« Reply #81 on: May 29, 2010, 10:11:59 PM »
why did th brisker go down to his chuppah with his pants off??




Ke'sheim she'nichnas li'bris.........
« Last Edit: May 29, 2010, 10:42:03 PM by Crazy tools »
Logged

Offline YOSEF

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Nov 2009
  • Posts: 2165
  • Total likes: 13
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #82 on: May 29, 2010, 10:31:02 PM »
amazing
Logged

Offline YOSEF

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Nov 2009
  • Posts: 2165
  • Total likes: 13
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 16
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #83 on: May 29, 2010, 10:41:21 PM »
I once heard that briskers are makpid to eat on certain fast days which are only d`rabbunun because of the d`orysah of u`shmartem es nafshoseichem.
Given that...
A newly married brisker comes home after shachris on asuhra b`teves and sees a bare dining room table.  Turning to his wife, he asks, "where's breakfast?"
"but its asuhra b`teves", she replies in wonderment.
"I thought you knew that briskers are makpid to eat though", he retorts.
"Ok. I didn't realize", she says. "why don't you go into the living room and learn a little while I make breakfast?"
Twenty minutes later the Kallah calls in her husband for breakfast.  Seeing the table set for two, he turns to his wife and asks "why is the table set for two?"
"What do you mean? I made us breakfast", she answers.
the husband turns to his wife and asks, "But who said you're frum enough to keep my chumrahs?"
Logged

Online Crazy tools

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jan 2010
  • Posts: 2151
  • Total likes: 3
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: United Club, Avis Presidents, Hertz Presidents Circle, National Executive Elite, SPG Gold
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea s
« Reply #84 on: May 29, 2010, 10:45:01 PM »
maybe we should make a special thread special for brisker jokes, there seems to be lots of them!!
Logged

Offline SuperFlyer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Posts: 8655
  • Total likes: 53
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #85 on: May 30, 2010, 01:47:48 AM »
(Hope this one isn't over the limit).

What's a brisK mila?

Answer: Not just taking of the orlo, also truma, maaser, and a kabaytso...
Logged

Online Crazy tools

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jan 2010
  • Posts: 2151
  • Total likes: 3
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: United Club, Avis Presidents, Hertz Presidents Circle, National Executive Elite, SPG Gold
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea s
« Reply #86 on: May 30, 2010, 01:54:08 AM »
the title of this thread says "any type goes", I guess I can't have taanis on you!!
Logged

Online Crazy tools

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Platinum Elite
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jan 2010
  • Posts: 2151
  • Total likes: 3
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Programs: United Club, Avis Presidents, Hertz Presidents Circle, National Executive Elite, SPG Gold
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea s
« Reply #87 on: May 30, 2010, 01:56:37 AM »
it used to be that all jokes had a pollok,jew & shvartza in them, now their all about briskers!!
Logged

Offline SuperFlyer

  • Dansdeals Lifetime Presidential Platinum Elite
  • *********
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Posts: 8655
  • Total likes: 53
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 0
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #88 on: May 30, 2010, 02:05:17 AM »
Ok, the shvarzes need some attention too:

A brisker, with his thoughts deep in the "kvetshen", walks into the "wrong" neighborhood.

A shvartze points his gun at the briske, and says: I'm gonna kill you right now !
So the brisker closes his eyes, and starts reciting (in the brisk "shma" manner): Boruch ato atto atto.....ho'oy-ho-oylom-ho'oyylommm, lo'mus-lomuss al kidush hashem!
the shvartze sees that his is dealing with a whacko, decides to spare the guy, and walks off.
At the end of the brocho the brisker opens his eyes, and see the shvartze walking away, so he screams at him: Nuuuu, hefsek !
Logged

Offline Avid Reader

  • Dansdeals Presidential Platinum Elite
  • ********
  • Join Date: May 2008
  • Posts: 4016
  • Total likes: 6
  • DansDeals.com Hat Tips 2
    • View Profile
  • Location: NYC
  • Programs: Starwood Gold, Accor Gold, Hilton Gold, Hertz Five Star Gold, Marriott Silver, National Executive
Re: jokes, any type goes.Whats the difference between mashed potatoes, and pea soup?
« Reply #89 on: May 30, 2010, 02:13:46 AM »
Quote from: SuperFlyer on May 30, 2010, 02:05:17 AM
Ok, the shvarzes need some attention too:

A brisker, with his thoughts deep in the "kvetshen", walks into the "wrong" neighborhood.

A shvartze points his gun at the briske, and says: I'm gonna kill you right now !
So the brisker closes his eyes, and starts reciting (in the brisk "shma" manner): Boruch ato atto atto.....ho'oy-ho-oylom-ho'oyylommm, lo'mus-lomuss al kidush hashem!
the shvartze sees that his is dealing with a whacko, decides to spare the guy, and walks off.
At the end of the brocho the brisker opens his eyes, and see the shvartze walking away, so he screams at him: Nuuuu, hefsek !

Or Brocho Levatala..
Logged
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7 8 9 10 11 12 ... 166   Go Up
« previous next »