Jokes Master Thread

[ChaimMoskowitz]

Oh come on guys! Not this thread too!

Sorry but I was being serious.

[yakrot]

FTFY ( and it's Friday.   This is not gonna be a pretty reaction. )

*face palm*

[David Smith]

[shoobi]

While we're on emojis, I figured to add this... No deciphering needed though...

Hilarious!!

[YOSEF]

Was I the only one who scanned the list of emojiis, saw #8, realized it was Wales, and immediately got turned off from looking at the rest, because it isn't a country as claimed?

[AnonymousUser]

Was I the only one who scanned the list of emojiis, saw #8, realized it was Wales, and immediately got turned off from looking at the rest, because it isn't a country as claimed?

Yes.

[lubaby]

Was I the only one who scanned the list of emojiis, saw #8, realized it was Wales, and immediately got turned off from looking at the rest, because it isn't a country as claimed?

Yes.

Wikipedia seems to disagree with you.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wales

Wales is a country that is part of the United Kingdom and the island of Great Britain, bordered by England to its east, the Irish Sea to its north and west, and the Bristol Channel to its south.

[grodnoking]

Wales is a country, but not a sovereign state.

There are three related terms that are often confused:
Country: This is traditionally a geographical term, but can also be a political term. A country typically has its own governing structure, symbols such as flags etc.
Nation: This is a cultural/ethnic term. It usually refers to a group of people who share some common culture.
State: This is a geopolitical term for a community of people who live under one government. [Btw.. note the State here is denoted with a capital "S". When it is denoted with a lowercase "s" it means a province - two very different meanings]

Country is more about the physical region; nation is more about the people and their customs; state is more about the government.

When we talk about the government, we need to distinguish between a government that has another government above it and governments that are supreme with nothing above them. If the governments have nothing above them, then the state is termed a sovereign. Only sovereign states are admitted into the UN. Only sovereign states can enter into an agreement with other sovereign states.

In the case of Wales - it is a country and a nation, but not a sovereign state. The Parliament of UK is still the supreme government. It can change the status of Wales anytime. Thus, it cannot be admitted into the UN.

As a country it can have its own sporting teams in the FIFA World Cup and other international leagues. It has its own Parliament that makes the law. It can have its own legal system. But, it is not a geopolitical entity and thus it cannot enter into a treaty with the US or any other sovereign state. It cannot issue its own passport and you would not need a visa to move from an another part of UK.

Here is my simple rule of thumb. If a region can qualify for football World Cup then it is a country. If it can issue its own passports too then it is one step above - a sovereign state.

[etech0]

Two idiots were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first guy declared them to be deer tracks. The second guy disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks. This went back and forth for a while.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

[Baruch]

Reb Yankel Miller relates:

The night of his chasuna he made up that he's gonna wake up every morning at 6 AM - yisgaber Ka'ari!

The next morning at 6, he thought to himself - "it's the morning after my chasuna, I'm so tired, I'm excused, I'll wake up at 7."

But the Yetzer Hatov came, and argued, "when you made up 6 AM, you said every morning - you gotta wake up".

The Yetzer Hara argued back.

And back and forth the Yetzer hara and yetzer tov argued.

Finally Reb Yankel told his yitzrim, "go argue in a different room, you're disturbing my sleep, when you come to a reconciliation, wake me up and inform me".

In the end the Yetzer Hatov won!











They fought for 8 hours!
 

[Centro]

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that school. she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful ...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue. She was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......     
                 
If you were thinking that basheer became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many movies, serials or have read too many motivational fowarded messages...😂
Basheer is basheer . 😆

[JoeyShmoe]

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that school. she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful ...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue. She was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......     
                 
If you were thinking that basheer became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many movies, serials or have read too many motivational fowarded messages...😂
Basheer is basheer . 😆

Nice twist at the end

[Work-for-ur-muny]

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that school. she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful ...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue. She was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......     
                 
If you were thinking that basheer became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many movies, serials or have read too many motivational fowarded messages...😂
Basheer is basheer . 😆

Nasty! 

I thought it may be leading that he ended up as Syrian president.

[Baruch]

Nasty! 

I thought it may be leading that he ended up as Syrian president.

He did!

[Work-for-ur-muny]

He did!

Neh! Basher from Syria pulled much more life-dependent ventilators...

[Baruch]

Neh! Basher from Syria pulled much more life-dependent ventilators...

 

[Centro]

ליטאי נכנס לטיש חסידי, באמצע הטיש מחלק הגבאי לקהל "קוגל" הליטאי אוכל ונהנה ומחפש מפיון לנגב את ידיו, משלא מוצא שואל את החסיד שלידו "תגיד לי איך מנקים את הידים מהקוגל?" עונה לו החסיד "נגב בחליפת השכן שעומד לפניך" שואל הליטאי "הוא לא ירגיש?" שואל החסיד "אתה הרגשת??"......

[grodnoking]

Lithuanian Hasidim came Tish , Tish middle of the treasurer distributes to the " Kugel " and enjoy Lithuanian food and looking for a Champion wipe his hands , when he did not find the Pious next asks , " Tell me how clean the hands Kugel ? " Pious replies " Wipe neighbor suit standing in front of you ," says the Lithuanian "He did not feel ? " Pious asks " did you feel " ......

[yochiek93]

ליטאי נכנס לטיש חסידי, באמצע הטיש מחלק הגבאי לקהל "קוגל" הליטאי אוכל ונהנה ומחפש מפיון לנגב את ידיו, משלא מוצא שואל את החסיד שלידו "תגיד לי איך מנקים את הידים מהקוגל?" עונה לו החסיד "נגב בחליפת השכן שעומד לפניך" שואל הליטאי "הוא לא ירגיש?" שואל החסיד "אתה הרגשת"......

ROFL

[aygart]

ליטאי נכנס לטיש חסידי, באמצע הטיש מחלק הגבאי לקהל "קוגל" הליטאי אוכל ונהנה ומחפש מפיון לנגב את ידיו, משלא מוצא שואל את החסיד שלידו "תגיד לי איך מנקים את הידים מהקוגל?" עונה לו החסיד "נגב בחליפת השכן שעומד לפניך" שואל הליטאי "הוא לא ירגיש?" שואל החסיד "אתה הרגשת??"......

I can't figure out it which is funnier the original or the translation.